Today, my kitchen nearly burned down because the fire alarm didn't detect the plumes of smoke wafting through the kitchen. This is the same alarm that wails when I use the toaster. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was making dinner when my smoke alarm started going off. I opened all the windows and waved a towel underneath it. After ten minutes, I realized the alarm wasn't reacting to the food. Its battery was dying. FML
Today, my smoke alarm has a tendency to give false alarms. Despite this, it did not go off at all when I was genuinely overcooking food and smoke was everywhere in the house, except for the room I was in. My smoke detector is plotting against me. FML
Today, I was cooking dinner when my smoke alarm started beeping. I opened the windows, turned on the fan, and checked everything twice. I then realized the noise wasn't the smoke alarm. It was my oven timer. I'd been cooking completely normally and panicking for no reason. FML
Today, I was making dinner when the smoke alarm started going off. I opened all the windows and stood there waving a towel at it like an idiot. Then I realized that the alarm was coming from the apartment next door. FML
Today, I found out that our smoke detector doesn't work when my roommate turned on the wrong burner while trying to cook. Our air fryer was on said burner, and it started to melt. It sat there for who knows how long until I noticed smoke everywhere and went to investigate. We don't have an air fryer now. FML
Today, my apartment smelled like something was burning, so I checked the oven, toaster, outlets, and even the hallway. After an hour, I discovered the smell was coming from the candle I had forgotten I'd lit in the bathroom. I had spent an hour investigating a fire that wasn't happening. FML
Today, I decided to make a toaster scramble. I thought it was bad enough when the pastry fell through the grate in the toaster over. Then it burst into flames. After 5 minutes of fanning the smoke away from the smoke detector, it still went off. Now my entire dorm building is outside in a snowstorm. FML
Today, I was about to take a dump when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML
Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, my dad used the stove to boil water. Unfortunately, he turned the wrong burner on, setting the smoke alarm off. What's worse was the smell of burning plastic that came from the coffeemaker being melted down. It's been over an hour, and my eyes still burn like hell when I walk into the kitchen. FML
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Top comments
HaIlegra 2
Oh burn.
_Oblivion_ 12
It was letting you know your toast was done. Evidently your kitchen wasn't done toasting yet.
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Comments (199)
Isoldael 27
Murphy's Law. Our fire alarm is just as bad with tons of false alarms, I can only hope it'll go off in case of a real fire...
ILEIKGURLS 0
That's a nice snake you got there. Fancy corn snake? I've got an albino lavender California king snake.
cassiebear7652 7
Change is good
TheEpic 0
I hate toasters, no matter how many times you watch the toast come out, youre always gonna be scared ;(
kittenvks 11
Not necessarily, I hear that's the opening test to become a ninja. You don't jump your in. Practice.
DocBastard 40
Sounds to me like your smoke alarm and toaster are in cahoots and are trying to kill you.
nickkingcool 0
i just started reading your blog- its good and you are a very funny person
TheNewGuy03 29
Oh, those kitchen appliances and their conspiratorial tendencies. |the kid|
macdaddymady 8
Thats actually scary, considering you could've died.
rubberduckie94 13
Is that how the toaster scares you?
THE_A_TEEN 28
It looks like your alarm went rogue on you. Get one made overseas, chances it will obey you and not rebel.
Awsumuzzie 12
You mean like a mail russian alarm catalog?
THE_A_TEEN 28
Yes, but a soviet era one. Communism leads to power, power leads to obedience, obedience leads to a future of prosperity. MOTHER RUSSIA. [A_TEEN's toaster]
FMLContinued 3
My fire alarm goes off when I use the dryer. I feel your pain.
loller27 6
what a douchebag
GoW_Chick 15
Smoke alarms never work right when you need them to, and when they have a low battery they make that annoying beep, and just when you think you found the right one the beep comes from the other one.