Today, my grandmother gave me rosary beads for my birthday. She told me I'd better start praying for a husband. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my grandma my boyfriend had cheated on me. She told me that it was my fault for not straightening my hair, and for gaining a few pounds. FML
Today, I'm the only grandchild who regularly visits, calls, and runs errands for my grandparents, even though I live two hours away. I'm also their biggest disappointment because I'm not married. FML
Today, my wife and I decided to celebrate Christmas Eve with her side of the family. When we arrived at her parents' house, I heard her mother say that Christmas miracles don't exist since my wife brought me along. FML
Today, I was insulted and harassed by my sister and her boyfriend, all because I proposed yesterday. They were angry I might get married before they did. They have known each other since primary school; I met my fiancée earlier this year. FML
Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML
Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. She decided that her "gift to herself" would be to leave the loser who has been holding her back for two years. Hello, my name is Ben, and I'm that loser. FML
Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML
Today, my mother gave me a bottle of stool softeners as a gift at my baby shower. FML
Today, while my husband and I were arguing, he walked away in the middle of my sentence yelling, "Remember babe, you're only my current wife!" FML
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Top comments
bluecat_fml 0
grandma humor, never gets old :P
aardvarkish 17
I think I would have said, "Don't worry. My boyfriend promised to leave his wife, stop selling drugs, and then marry me."
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Comments (77)
aardvarkish 17
I think I would have said, "Don't worry. My boyfriend promised to leave his wife, stop selling drugs, and then marry me."
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
I approve of this message.
sweetdreams20 0
tell her that you will just sleep with alot of men then see what she says
bigredmonkeybutt 30
Grandma knows all. Better listen to her or you're going to die bitter & alone. Or you could just live your own life & tell her to stay out of it.
albinoV 1
Were they a cheap plastic set or a real nice set?
succubusprime 0
probably polished wood
haitilover 0
wow
conniebaby67 0
lmao#2
Sakirutaki 0
you gotta love grandparent humor :)
makemeasandwich 0
WIN!!
christian50 0
at least they weren't Anal beads?
nerdsgetmehot 23
#53 That should be what someone says after anything unfortunate happens. "My dog died. FML." "At least it wasn't anal beads!"
christian50 0
haha yeah
RuMyDaisy 0
is that what u got from ur gramma?
GRyphonLJJ 0
At 14-15 my GrandMother asked me if I had my future husband picked out. Between 16 & 17 she kept reminding me I wasn't getting any younger. At 18 she declared I was going to be an 'Old Maid.' By 19 she wanted to know if I was, one of those women who 'just didn't care much for men?' When I married at 26 she just said, 'About time. You're lucky to find a man who'll take such an old wife.' Aren't old people fun? :)
bankrupt 15
I think we must have had the same grandmother. Mine pulled that "old maid" crap on me when I was 22 and just graduating from college. What a prune!