conniebaby67

Today, I had to moisturise my dog's testicles because they got sunburnt. FML

Today, I dreamed that I was kidnapped by Charlie Sheen. FML

Today, as I was taking the bus home, I sat down next to a man wearing an FML shirt. While snickering I said to him "You totally deserved it." I guess he thought that comment deserved a broken nose. FML

Today, I was going for a walk and I kept smelling pee wherever I went. After about an hour, I finally figured out that the smell was me. My dog had peed on my sweatshirt. FML