Today, my friend's dad had a heart attack. Without realizing what I was saying, I texted her, "If you need anything, you know I'll be there in a heartbeat." FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was texting a friend of mine. She mentioned it was her dad's birthday. I typed, "Tell him 'Happy Birthday' from me!" and as I pressed send, I remembered her dad was dead. FML
Today, I texted a friend offering my condolences over the death of his grandfather. He hadn't been told his grandfather had died yet. FML
Today, a friend posted the Facebook status "Ahhh... relief." Trying to be funny, I replied "Why? Did you just poop?" A few hours later, I read her previous posts and found out her dad's in the hospital having heart surgery. Now everyone thinks I'm a heartless dick. FML
Today, I received a text from my dad, which was borderline-incomprehensible due to an insane amount of text language. I replied, jokingly asked if he had a stroke while writing it. A few seconds after hitting send, I remembered the stroke he suffered last month. FML
Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
Today, I texted my sister to ask her if she was OK after finding out that one of her oldest friends had died. She didn’t know. FML
Today, I texted a friend saying I urgently needed his help. He gushed back along the lines of, "Glad you reached out, everyone has noticed your terrible frame of mind, you’re a suicide risk." I meant help with a tricky Excel spreadsheet, but thanks for the support I guess. FML
Today, my dad asked me to send my mom a text since he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I pulled up my mom's contact on his phone, and I found that my mom had recently sent my dad a picture of her jugs, along with the message, "We miss you." FML
Today, I work at a hospice center. At 3AM, a call just went out to a man's family to come because he was dying. I didn't realize that this man was my old friend's grandpa. When I saw her, I smiled really big and said, "Hey! Great to see you!" Her grandpa was ACTIVELY DYING. Stupid stupid stupid. FML
Today, I called my mom to let her know that my father, her ex-husband, suffered a series of mini strokes. Her reply was essentially, "Oh that sucks. Are you still taking your grandmother to lunch sometime this week?" Dad lives halfway across the country. FML
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Top comments
gusgus36 5
they know you mean well.. they might not have even noticed that you said heartbeat. don't beat yourself up over it
perdix 31
Well, if her dad is the official timekeeper, you might never show up.
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Comments (96)
stabbed1ntheback 0
At least you didn't say "My heart is always there for you without fail!"
Amy_244 10
At least it was a heartfelt promise
taylornicole97 8
She knows what you mean. Nothing to worry about, I'm sure she appreciates your support.
loserman67 36
The three steps to avoid looking like a total moron STEP 1: Engage brain STEP 2: Write text message STEP 3: PROOF READ message before sending
Federfleisch_ 0
Heart you wishing you had reread it first?
tattedbullybabe 3
if she's really your friend, she'll understand
brittany3 1
Bahaha! That sounds like something i'd do! Lmao
Logan1524 0
smooth...
ellelynn 0
Wow, you really flat lined
deviable 9
zing!