Today, my family was cleaning out our basement when I noticed...

By Failed Artist - United States - Des Moines

Today, my family was cleaning out our basement when I noticed an empty wall. I asked my grandma if I could put a picture up. She replied, "I don't want your ugly drawings on the wall". I wasn't talking about my drawings. FML

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Miscellaneous

Commando

Reverse psychology

No smoking

By whatheffers - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

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By TheRawrza - United States

Today, I was at a pool party. Standing outside of the pool, I was hesitant about taking my shirt off. A girl in the pool shouted "Hey, you're not the only fat one here, don't feel bad!". I was worried about what my friends would think of my new bellybutton ring, I don't think I'm fat. FML

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By SLOMan90 - United States

Today, my college professor handed every student a note card and told us to rate his looks from 1 to 5. Is this what I pay $20,000 a year for? FML

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By GoulashQueen - 8/12/2019 01:00 - Australia - Brunswick

Good food

Today, I sent a dude a snapchat of my food. He responded with a video of him taking a shower, nude. FML

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By batgirlrules881 - United States

Today, I confronted my boyfriend because I suspected he had been cheating. His reply? "Took you long enough to figure it out." FML

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By TheNotSoGoodDay - United States - Charlestown

Today, my brothers thought it would be funny to put me inside a huge luggage bag we got for a trip to Canada. It was all fun and games until they dragged me outside, kicked me down a few steps, and left me stuck in the bag, locked outside with the cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2020 05:05

Quite the catch

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating on me with more guys than I can count on one hand. I'm not sure what's worse, realizing this only after she's moved in, realizing two of the guys were my close friends, or realizing I'd given up my dream career for this. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I learned that when I start University next month I will have to either pay $900 for an all-access semester-long parking pass, pay $200 for for a bus pass that takes an hour to get to campus, or pay $100 to park outside campus and walk 4 miles to and from class each day. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML

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By LunaCrow - United States - Shakopee

Today, I had a friend tell me all about how being a vegan was so great. They were eating eggs. FML

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By good mom - United States - Monterey Park

Who is the worst?

Today, despite the fact that I own my home, car and have a career, I was once again told that I’ve shamed my family by being a single mom. Meanwhile, my brother has four kids with three different women and constantly hits up every family member for money. He gets nothing but just support. FML

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By zAstonish - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML

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By thanksbro - United States

Today, I grabbed a handful of crackers from the kitchen, only to find it crawling with bugs. Apparently, my brother had made the same discovery earlier, but put the box of crackers back in the cupboard anyway. FML

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By funkmylife69

Mr. Smooth

Today, I made out with the guy I've had a huge crush on for the first time. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered softly into my ear, "I can't wait to bone you." FML

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By framed - United States - Portsmouth

Today, I was chatting with a new guy at work. He cracked a joke about me and I jokingly gave him a light push on the shoulder. Half a second after I touched him, he threw himself back and hit the floor yelling in "pain". Now I'm suspended because of this psycho. FML

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By BadassRumbleroar - Canada

Today, I found out that when you are sitting on a full bench at a bus stop, some crazy person will come sit on you. FML

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By Noname - Canada

Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2020 10:01 - United Kingdom - London

Paranoia

Today, I asked a girl to move from Tinder to WhatsApp, after 3 weeks of nice chat. She said no way, and that I just wanted nudes and then unmatched. The only intention I had was getting to know her and asking her on a date. FML

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By JJ101 - Australia

Today, I was teaching a special techniques class for ballet and was focusing on pirouettes. I was teaching a group of 8 year olds, and one student could do perfect triple turns one after the other. I still can't do them, and I've been dancing for 15 years. FML

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By fishtities - United States - Dallas

Today, as a reward for starting to eating healthy, I got the squits at work. After going to the restroom, my stall didn't have toilet paper, the other two stalls didn't have any either. My boss definitely noticed too when he walked in on me with my pants around my ankles. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after complaining that I had nothing to write about in my weekly journal for college, my professor suggested in front of everyone that I should get a girlfriend. FML

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By trixieee

Today, my boyfriend got a text from a "close female friend." The text was of her with no shirt on, and he quickly closed his phone. His explanation was that his female friends just want his opinion on how they look. I don't know what's worse, that there are several, or that he thinks I'm that stupid. FML

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By dorianseiji - France - Amiens

Today, I ate an apple. My sister then walks in dressed as a witch, and asks, "Have you seen my poisoned apple?" She was playing at Snow White, and the apple had been dipped in the toilet, the cat's food bowl and the garbage can. FML

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By HousemateHorror

Today, I walked into my dorm to find the guy I have feelings for sleeping with my roommate. I signed a lease with them for next year and can't back out now. FML

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By protoplasm stole my seat - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML

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By sleepy momma - United States - Altoona

Today, after buying 3 new alarm clocks, I finally decided to video tape myself all night to figure out if my alarm clock was broken or if I was oversleeping. Turns out I wake up around 4am each day and turn them off without remembering. FML

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By derbyboy - United Kingdom

Today, at work, I misheard a customer telling me a story. To be polite, I did a slight laugh and nodded my head. She actually told me her mum had died. FML

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By targetlove - Australia

Today, I was in a rush to get to the toilet, I went in and sat on the seat. Then I felt a stinging pain on my left bum cheek. I jumped up quickly to see a wasp splashing around in the bowl. It stung me, and now have a bum cheek twice its normal size, and pee all over my pants. FML

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By OnlyMe - United States

Today, I realized that I broke up with a man that loved me and was great in bed but was afraid of commitment, to be with a man that loves me, that is great in bed, and wants to be with me forever. So what's the problem? Now that we are committed, he won't get it on with me anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pomona

Today, I went to a bingo club with my gran and won the second game and a butthurt old lady accused me of cheating. I ended up being taken aside by an apologetic member of staff and asked to leave. I'm still trying to figure out how you can even cheat at bingo. FML

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By jailey

Today, my friend decided that we should go clubbing together to "catch up". Her version of catching up is me standing beside her making out with some random dude in the parking lot. FML

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By NoSleep - United States

Today, I had my first day off in weeks. I was excited about getting to sleep in, until my boss called me at 6:30 in the morning to remind me I didn't have to come into work. Thanks. FML

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By uglychick - Canada

Today, my brother came out of the shower and sat with my mom and me on the couch. He then says he liked the idea of the extra toothbrush in the shower, it helps him clean between his toes. I have been using that to brush my teeth for the last two weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2020 17:01

Marxism intensifies

Today, after three weeks of suffering from COVID, I returned to work. I met with my boss, and was written up for absenteeism. Oh, and we're closing early because there are ongoing riots. Oh, and we lost the contract and I'm unemployed in three weeks. FML

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By klee - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling in bed. After looking at me for a while he said, "you look better when I'm not wearing my contacts". FML

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By Anonymous - Romania - Campina

Today, it's been 3 months since my dog scratched my 9 year old granddaughter after she walked over and repeatedly kicked him. My daughter has disowned me and won't let me see my own grandchildren until I have my companion of 11 years "destroyed". FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I learned that everyone at college was calling me "Parallel Lines" because I've got an unibrow and an apparent hairiness over my mouth. By the way, I'm a girl. FML

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By not_very_smart - United States

Today, it was so hot in the un-airconditioned gym that when I got up off the floor, I slipped in my own pool of sweat and got a concussion. FML

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By breathalizard - United States

Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML

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Top comments

By hellnosucka | 27

#6397438 - Sunday 30 August 2015 17:28

what a warm and loving grandmother you have

By dezman2000 | 21

#6397459 - Sunday 30 August 2015 17:37

Don't you hate when even your own family puts you down and doesn't encourage you to do what makes you happy? Especially the older family members.

COMMENTS

By hellnosucka | 27

#6397438 - Sunday 30 August 2015 17:28

what a warm and loving grandmother you have

RainTears | 15

#6397484 - Sunday 30 August 2015 17:57

Grandma roasted him so hard even i felt the burn

emisheah | 17

#6465795 - Friday 20 November 2015 9:17

Read that in Ron Swansons voice

By liquifiednate | 21

#6397439 - Sunday 30 August 2015 17:29

Don't you love how the elderly are so truthful?

MidnaLink | 32

#6397448 - Sunday 30 August 2015 17:33

*Notices sarcasm anyway* No, not really.

By coried91 | 28

#6397440 - Sunday 30 August 2015 17:29

Well, at least now you know what she thinks... She could have been less bitchy though.

By rileyrae0000 | 23

#6397441 - Sunday 30 August 2015 17:30

Savage grandma

By wickedhyype | 17

#6397455 - Sunday 30 August 2015 17:35

Lol old people spit the truth because they just dont care. Loool

By TheBelt | 19

#6397456 - Sunday 30 August 2015 17:36

Grandmas, gotta love me

redrain567 | 16

#6397805 - Sunday 30 August 2015 23:54

But I don't love you.

By dezman2000 | 21

#6397459 - Sunday 30 August 2015 17:37

Don't you hate when even your own family puts you down and doesn't encourage you to do what makes you happy? Especially the older family members.

By olpally | 32

#6397481 - Sunday 30 August 2015 17:55

Put it up anyways.

By JustinJK | 21

#6397485 - Sunday 30 August 2015 17:57

an empty wall*

By Wolfipoo | 31

#6397508 - Sunday 30 August 2015 18:27

FYL OP, old people aren't always the kindest sadly, you were just unlucky, and your pictures were probably great despite her accusations.