By fuck you, gran - 09/03/2013 00:38 - United States - Ashland

Today, my family threw me my 21st birthday party. My grandma's gift turned out to be a pack of condoms. "Not that you'll ever get to use them," she said, turning and walking off, cackling maniacally. Now I remember why I never talk to the old crone. FML
I agree, your life sucks 32 077
You deserved it 4 084

Same thing different taste

Top comments

"**** you gran"? For what exactly do you intend to use your first birthday condom, sir?

Comments

Grandma 1, you 0 + a full pack of condoms.

perdix 29

Well, maybe if you talked to her, she'd get you something you could use, like hand lotion, a Real Doll or a gift card to the local whorehouse.

That's what I was thinking, might as well pay for something useful. Maybe he's grandma will even give him tips on how to pick up a women to use them in the future.

I can get a gift card to Ho Depot? Awesome! My birthday is coming up.

perdix 29

#42, you can get a gift card for either of the Big Box stores (provided you like big boxes -- I prefer them tight, but to each his own), Ho Depot or Blowes.

I wish my grandmother joked with me like that. She's a stereotypical baptist prude. Be thankful for your grandmother's sense of humor!

Well you could always be creative (think water balloons)! Or you could just re-gift them with all the other gifts you don't use.

UGH. Most condoms are lubricated. Please don't make lubey water balloons.

hotPinklipstick 24

Fun fact: condoms can hold up to a gallon or more of water, and can also be used to make a fire. OP, just think about it as your gran giving you the gift of survival if you ever get stranded or encounter a zombie apocalypse. Or you can use to the conventional way and actually have sex for once.

hotPinklipstick 24

Use them* Damn it. Sorry guys and girls, I didn't get to edit it in time.

Hide all the condoms and give her the empty box while smiling.

Ahhh... Condoms...... The fabric of our lives.

Your grandmother sounds awesome to me. Dude, she gave you condoms for your birthday, who the **** cares what she said?

Well isn't that special? A moment every grand kid should share with grandma how would the hall mark read?