Kids: Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism...

By Anonymous - 24/06/2011 21:22 - United States

Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism and trespassing. It seems she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing and breaking our neighbors' lawn ornaments. Specifically garden gnomes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 220

You deserved it 7 086

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By dickhead - 10/04/2015 22:17 - United States

Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 166

You deserved it 3 393

Vandals

By Interpid traveler - 07/09/2021 05:01

Today, I was woken up by my wife calling the police because our garden had been ransacked during the night. A whole row of houses has had their plants uprooted, greenhouses broken into and garden tools stolen. The cops haven't found any leads and I feel terrible for my wife, who poured her heart and soul into that garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 684

You deserved it 82

By Anonymous - 29/04/2014 02:39 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, an old guy phoned the cops on my daughter because she was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Apparently, he thinks it's vandalism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 306

You deserved it 3 844

By bail? - 29/08/2019 23:00 - United States - Omaha

Today, my daughter's idea of a prank was taking all of our money and getting herself arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 632

You deserved it 177

By ilivealoneandwhatthefuck - 23/06/2013 17:02 - Guam - Yigo

Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 283

You deserved it 4 332

A good thing? Really?

By Anonymous - 20/06/2023 12:00

Today, my daughter had to deal with a Karen at her job, lost her temper, and punched her unconscious just to shut her up. Sounds like a good thing, right? Wrong, she pressed charges, got my daughter arrested, and she’s now facing years in prison for grievous bodily harm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 272

You deserved it 1 301

Stitched up

By Busted - 26/07/2010 12:26 - South Africa

Today, I was woken up by the police pounding on my door, saying I was under arrest for stealing road signs. My friends went drinking last night and thought it would be funny to steal seven stop signs, four bus stop signs, and two children crossing signs, then plant them on my front lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 341

You deserved it 4 884

By nosestealer - 07/07/2013 21:57 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 468

You deserved it 9 855

Pants on fire

By Lucille - 07/09/2019 00:01

Today, while going through my daughter’s room, I found a pair of pants with the security tag still attached. My daughter is a thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 481

You deserved it 312

By icarlymom - 05/03/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, my 18 year-old daughter comes home, telling me she has been fired from her job at McDonalds. The reason? They had iCarly Happy Meal toys and she couldn't resist stealing one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 597

You deserved it 5 397

thegypsy 0

Saturday 25 June 2011 1:48

not the gnomes!!!

ThorneCrossed 9

Saturday 25 June 2011 1:55

I met a girl who actually had a sexual fetish for garden gnomes. I wouldn't mind being a gnome, she was cute. Jesus that sounded weird

Comments

cubby1331 0

Saturday 25 June 2011 1:55

You should be leading by example...chain her to the hot water heater

Girlygirl1226 7

Saturday 25 June 2011 1:56

Hmm...I'll guess that she didn't like Gnomeo and Juliet...

ShadowTheDumbass 10

Saturday 25 June 2011 1:56

The little bastards are alive!

jamesauto 0

Saturday 25 June 2011 3:34

kill them all

BraBrando 0

Saturday 25 June 2011 3:57

They whisper to me, I don't want to eat my baby brother :(

lmaoatall 6

Saturday 25 June 2011 1:58

I don't blame your daughter. the gnomes that has their pants down, mooning your ass. those little bastards. yeah! good for her.

ipwnallmen 10

Saturday 25 June 2011 1:58

what the.. hasn;t she ever seen/read revenge of the lawn gnomes? OO''''' lol jk but this is just crazy...

MurphyS94 4

Saturday 25 June 2011 7:36

I thumbed this up just for the "Goosebumps" reference :)

ipwnallmen 10

Monday 27 June 2011 2:39

@ 131 yay :D

missjet 0

Saturday 25 June 2011 1:59

not the gnomes again there little demons of the night

SirPlagueRat 6

Saturday 25 June 2011 2:00

Your daughter is amazing.

TalkinSmack 6

Saturday 25 June 2011 2:00

that's special

athena3100 9

Saturday 25 June 2011 2:04

Props to her i hate garden gnomes!

mrbattleman 10

Saturday 25 June 2011 2:05

shouldn't have let her see Gnomeo and Juliet...

Keywords

Friends Love Teenagers Sex Intimacy Embarrassing Revenge Food Work Awkward Parents Relatable Weird Miscellaneous Health Job interview Social Media Jealousy Facebook Relationship advice AITA Kids Annoying Roommate Shoes Music Names Customers Education Capitalism

The Top

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 856

You deserved it 5 979

Today, my husband and I have officially become that couple that has to schedule sex. Between his working, my going back to school, raising kids, doing housework and homework, we just haven’t had time. Last night we tried to be spontaneous and get it on. We both fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 585

You deserved it 244

The Top

Today, my sister and I look enough alike she was able to steal my ID to go and get a tattoo at 15 years-old. Our mom is furious and also blames me, as though I willingly let her use my ID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 137

Today, my new antidepressants finally kicked in. I switched to them to try to control my anxiety. Turns out that the most common side effect, funnily enough, is nervousness. Guess I should've done more research. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 017

You deserved it 4 485

Today, I went out drinking with my tattoo artist brother-in-law. I was so wasted that I agreed to let him try working on me. I woke up with a tattoo of an animated marijuana plant smoking a cigarette. This'll look just great when I'm defending clients in court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 799

You deserved it 46 695

Today, I got a birthday card in the mail from my aunt. I got all excited when I saw a cheque inside, but the cheque was addressed to the wrong name. Not only did my own aunt forget my name, I couldn't even bank the $60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 183

You deserved it 2 725

Today, it’s my 21st birthday. The people I invited over spent most of the time talking about their LARP group, which I am not a part of, and so could not participate, talked over what I wanted to watch, and then it ended with an intervention by them for me because they were upset that I was upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 036

You deserved it 270

Today, I broke up with my now ex-girlfriend for the 5th time. She still hasn't got the hint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 106

You deserved it 12 424