Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism and trespassing. It seems she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing and breaking our neighbors' lawn ornaments. Specifically garden gnomes. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML
Today, I was woken up by my wife calling the police because our garden had been ransacked during the night. A whole row of houses has had their plants uprooted, greenhouses broken into and garden tools stolen. The cops haven't found any leads and I feel terrible for my wife, who poured her heart and soul into that garden. FML
Today, an old guy phoned the cops on my daughter because she was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk. Apparently, he thinks it's vandalism. FML
Today, my daughter's idea of a prank was taking all of our money and getting herself arrested. FML
Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML
Today, my daughter had to deal with a Karen at her job, lost her temper, and punched her unconscious just to shut her up. Sounds like a good thing, right? Wrong, she pressed charges, got my daughter arrested, and she’s now facing years in prison for grievous bodily harm. FML
Today, I was mowing my lawn when I lost control along our lawn borders and ran over one of my neighbor’s many garden gnomes. It exploded into a pile of ceramic. I soon discovered it was a limited edition collector's item when the neighbor came out just in time to see me turning her prized lawn decoration into shards. FML
Today, I was woken up by the police pounding on my door, saying I was under arrest for stealing road signs. My friends went drinking last night and thought it would be funny to steal seven stop signs, four bus stop signs, and two children crossing signs, then plant them on my front lawn. FML
Today, a woman accused my husband of being a pedophile because he was at the playground with our daughter alone. To make matters worse, our daughter punched the woman in the face, so now she's pressing charges. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML
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Top comments
thegypsy 0
not the gnomes!!!
ThorneCrossed 9
I met a girl who actually had a sexual fetish for garden gnomes. I wouldn't mind being a gnome, she was cute. Jesus that sounded weird
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Comments (201)
Mr_Darkside 5
teenage angst.
iEatGuppies 0
gnomes? they still exist?
Salvikidd 6
you need to crawl out of your rock more often
iEatGuppies 0
no lawn in my neighborhood has a gnome. oh sorry. my fault.
mrahhhhh 21
Sneaking out at night, not telling your parents what you're doing, and wanton trespassing and violence... but against garden gnomes?! Sounds like A Clockwork Orange: the rated PG edition.
ThaHero 0
Peculiar kid.
blondie1208 17
sounds like someones been smoking a little somethin somethin...
Wheredidgrungego 12
Those things give me the skeeves. I don't blame her.
nothingtodisplay 7
ditto on that note
sheethapins 13
I just called Travelocity, their gnome is now in another country for protection from your daughter op, best part is he got a great deal on prices.
harrywestt 0
lol
Keyman1212 14
Don't mess with my gnomies.
sheethapins 13
GNOME.. GNOME... GNOME... GNOME... GNOME....
taytoc 10
fail parenting