Miscellaneous: Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're...

By Singed - 04/07/2009 17:31 - United States

Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 378

You deserved it 43 650

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

You're in the army now, oh ohoh

By Anonymous - 01/07/2020 17:03

Today, my dad set the smoke alarm off at 6 a.m. as a "practice drill." I was woken up so suddenly, I fell out of bed into the bucket of sick I had been throwing up into the night before due to flu. Dad yelled at me for not getting out of the house in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 171

Catching strays

By Anonymous - 04/06/2024 13:00 - United States - St Louis

Today, I heard something that sounded like a series of gunshots outside my house. My Dad screamed, "Get down!" at the top of his lungs. The whole family immediately dropped to the floor, my sister whimpering and trembling, only moments later to hear my Dad cackling uncontrollably over us. They were just fireworks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 113

By Anonymous - 11/01/2015 08:44

Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 968

You deserved it 2 844

Single shot

By irulan - 14/01/2020 03:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 557

You deserved it 608

By ILiveWithMorons - 12/04/2011 03:07 - United States

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 404

You deserved it 3 346

By Anonymous - 08/08/2015 05:18 - Canada

Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 570

You deserved it 2 164

Badass

By Jim - 28/10/2025 22:00

Today, I saw a gun on my dad's bedside table. I knew it wasn't real, so I picked it up and posed like a badass. Then I shot a hole in their bedroom TV, blew out my eardrums, and my mom flew in and started screaming at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 1 085

Happy 4th of July

By Bacon0426 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Skaneateles

Today, in honor of America's birthday, my 50-year-old father decided to light off homemade bombs without telling anyone. The screams of me and my family members were louder than the bombs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 082

You deserved it 1 213

What have you done?

By Anonymous - 12/04/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son dropped a firecracker in my flour storage bin, probably thinking the pop would make flour go everywhere. I guess he’s never heard of a dust explosion because what he actually did was set fire to the flour, causing such a violent shockwave it blew the kitchen window out of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 84

By Anonymous - 30/08/2015 15:44 - United States

Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 625

You deserved it 2 565

Essentials 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 23:11

Perhaps you should listen to your father in the future eh? Next time he might stick it somewhere else.

AshleyRose784 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 23:11

wow, your dad is officially nuts

Comments

_Skies 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 16:36

Dude, I love that smell. Your dad is win.

dammn 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 18:40

LOL , i love your dad :P

eguerr5 2

Sunday 5 July 2009 20:25

wow, that's a great dad. i would vote for him for father of the year.....no kidding

TheBigGamer 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 21:46

jesus people, it was a fire cracker. It's not like he tried to draw OP's silhouette with a Kalashnikov

Kondustra 8

Monday 6 July 2009 2:44

******* LOL!!!!!!!!!

Boiok 0

Monday 6 July 2009 3:46

Your dad is AWESOME

lovely997 0

Monday 6 July 2009 5:11

Firecrackers smell amazing. I burn shit in my room 24/7

justanotherhuman 21

Tuesday 7 July 2009 9:35

lol- o_O

Raytestrak 3

Monday 6 July 2009 10:04

NEVER call your parent's bluff ...

Ryan_the_Great 0

Monday 6 July 2009 11:46

Wonder what he does if you don't do your homework. O.o

Bonejangles 0

Monday 6 July 2009 20:20

bahahahahha i thought my dad was the only one to do that kind of thing...its something you complain about now, but get to tell stories about later

ashamazing 0

Thursday 9 July 2009 15:13

My dad told me "if your not up in two minutes i'll bring the shower to you" ... i met the garden hose, goodbye laptop and phone. What are dads for, creating funny stories, Thats what.