Today, I opened my Christmas present from my parents. I got a road-side assistance package. I don't own a vehicle, and I don't even have a driver's license. FML

Today, I got a ticket. From my dad the cop. FML

Today, it's my birthday. My dad came to pick me up, but after I had put my backpack in the back seat and closed the car door, he drove off without me. It started to rain, and I was without my phone or wallet. FML

Happy Father's Day

Today, my mom said I was not allowed to spend Father's Day with my dad. When I tried to point out that I'm 24 years-old and she couldn't stop me, she disabled my car. I don't trust rideshare. FML

Today, my neighbour casually mentioned that he sold my car's GPS that I'd let him borrow. He figured I wouldn't be needing it anymore since I lost my license. FML

Today, it was my birthday. The only person who remembered was my dad who got me a phone charger for my car, which I didn't even need because he got me the same exact thing last year. FML

Paperweight

Today, for my 18th birthday, my parents gave me a Spotify Car Thing. Not only do I not own a car, I won't be able to afford one before this crap tech gadget turns into a useless brick. FML

Today, I got a parking ticket in the mail. I don't have a car. FML

My forever home

Today, my father gave me the best birthday gift, a piece of real estate. I got a grave, which is leased. FML

Designated driver

Today, my wife got me a car for my birthday. It's a nice one but I soon realized it's a trap: I have to take her everywhere, or she tells me she can take it back anytime. So much for a gift. FML