Work: Today, I tried to make a move on the cute guy who sits opposite... - FML

16/10/2015 18:04 - India - Mumbai

Today, I tried to make a move on the cute guy who sits opposite me at work. In theory, I was going to start a game of footsie with him. In practice, I screwed up and managed to yank his computer's power cable out. He lost his unsaved work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 012

You deserved it 17 023

Broken heart

Mother of the year

BO Central

21/04/2013 05:07 - United States

Today, in my rush to do my hair and get to work, I managed to trip over my dog, hit my eye on the counter, and sprain my ankle. I arrived at work with a black eye and a painful limp. My boss didn't care, and fired me for showing up late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 616

You deserved it 7 332

04/05/2012 12:08 - United States - Spring Branch

Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 673

You deserved it 2 326

01/07/2015 13:35 - Canada - Saint Marys

Today, the only reason my husband agreed to marriage counselling is because he finds our therapist attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 634

You deserved it 2 753

16/11/2012 05:04 - United States - Mattoon

Today, I told my boss I could handle running the floor buffer. Thirty seconds in, I lost control and became pinned to the wall by its force. In my state of shock and embarrassment, I didn't realize the only thing keeping me trapped was my grip on the accelerator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 270

You deserved it 23 933

05/08/2009 19:36 - United States

Today, I was opening and sorting mail for my boss as part of my job. One package was delivered to the office instead of his home by mistake, since his house is next door on the same property. I didn't notice until I had opened it. I had to hand my boss an opened box of toys. Kinky ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 556

You deserved it 6 363

03/05/2013 05:16 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, marks the third week in which my girlfriend has gone without taking a shower. She does this every so often, taking showers roughly once per month. She's convinced baby wipes will "hold her over". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 617

You deserved it 9 744

17/02/2014 02:29 - United States - Hedgesville

Today, I was throwing rocks into a pond while our class was on a field trip. The teacher started to pass around an old rare civil war bullet. As the bullet got to me, I threw another rock in the river, only to notice a rock in my hand and the bullet gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 507

You deserved it 62 815

Say hello to my plastic friend!

By Pandathepilot - 10/11/2017 15:00

Today, my principal made me visit "anti-violence" classes because I had a picture of me threatening a man with a gun on my Facebook page. It was taken during the school play, where I was acting as a gangster and the gun was just a toy. The principal saw the play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 549

You deserved it 312

19/07/2009 07:25 - United States

Today, I was at a Starbucks drive-thru and was grabbing a hot coffee when I got rear ended and my car hit the vehicle in front of me which deployed my airbag. Hot coffee can really burn when it hits your face at a high rate of speed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 190

You deserved it 3 929

Hard no

By Anonymous - 18/05/2021 22:01

Today, not to be "that guy" but my wife quit her job from fear of COVID, we have no kids, so am I really unreasonable to expect that she might do SOME of the housework instead of none of it, and then asking me if I would mind doing the dishes and laundry as soon as I get home? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 100

29/10/2013 10:40 - Australia

Today, I finally got to surprise my boyfriend with a birthday cake. I spent four days planning the perfect one. First thing he says? "Erm, you know I'm 32, right?" I got his age wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 892

You deserved it 36 553

07/03/2014 21:25 - Canada - Milton

Today, my hippy nutjob of a roommate threw a bitch fit at me, all because he saw me chopping down a tree in Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 346

You deserved it 5 080

What about me?

By crushed - 23/05/2020 02:00

Today, my wife told me about an old boyfriend she had. She told me that they used to fool around, and that she’d give him blow jobs all the time. I never get any action like that from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 616

You deserved it 229

31/07/2009 07:03 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my first wedding anniversary, or Paper anniversary. I got him airline tickets for an expensive weekend break for two in Berlin. He got me a toilet roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 287

You deserved it 4 981

28/05/2015 01:28 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I called 911 to report a drunk driver. The operator yelled at me for following the guy and told me to get off the phone because I shouldn't be driving with a phone to my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 295

You deserved it 7 245

15/04/2013 02:11 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend chooses extra shifts at work over hanging out with me. Every time. She doesn't even like her job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 346

You deserved it 6 223

29/06/2009 22:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I walked to her couch while kissing with our eyes closed. Stumbling, we reached the couch and dropped our bodies, her on top of me. What I didn't know was that her kitty, Elvis, was napping. Elvis was very angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 692

You deserved it 16 124

01/07/2014 04:12 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I watched a Youtube video about artists who ripped off other artist's songs. All of the bands that were accused of stealing were all bands that I really enjoy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 268

You deserved it 11 019

14/07/2011 08:40 - Austria

Spicy

Today, the whole family came together to celebrate my grandmother's 80th birthday. My grandfather read a poem he'd written about how he had taken my grandmother's virginity 60 years ago. It went on for about 30 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 882

You deserved it 2 839

12/10/2009 12:34 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was enjoying some "alone time" with the detachable shower head when someone flushed the toilet, causing the cold water to run out and badly scald my genitals. It hurts to walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 124

You deserved it 22 670

03/10/2012 16:29 - United States - Santee

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 883

You deserved it 5 373

Get tested, people

By Bhrugu - 30/04/2021 04:00 - India - Hyderabad

Today, I found out that people in the apartment to the left, in the one to the right and in the one above mine all tested positive for Covid, a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 99

The precious truck

By Anonymous - 05/09/2021 11:00

Today, I got fired because, while responding to an emergency page for the volunteer fire department to help find a man in a field with a gunshot wound, I backed into a rock with the company truck that I drive to and from work. Nobody asked about the guy with the bullet inside him. He's OK now, in case anyone cares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 131

14/02/2009 03:10 - Canada

Today, we wrote valentine's day poems in class. I wrote a very depressing poem about how I was rejected by all the girls I like and how it hurt to be alone. When it was read to the class, they laughed and told me it was hilarious. Even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 831

You deserved it 14 839

13/02/2012 07:09 - United States

Today, I got a text from my mom saying, "I heard the cupcake store got robbed. Where are you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 791

You deserved it 5 019

08/11/2011 14:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 817

You deserved it 4 362

"I'm horny, horny horny horny"

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 23:01

Spicy

Today, I got incredibly horny at work. No one was in the office, so I spread out on my yoga mat and started to masturbate. All of the sudden, I heard a forklift outside. I quickly tried to hide, but I think the construction worker caught me. He’ll be working here all month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 2 788

23/07/2013 14:49 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch they showed me on the jumbo-tron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 767

You deserved it 8 550

09/10/2009 18:48 - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I'd been talking to online and liked came to my house party with a bunch of mutual friends. He spent the night sitting in the corner on the sofa talking to my cat. I woke up later to see that not only had he crashed for the night, but he'd curled up in the dog basket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 540

You deserved it 9 240

29/05/2009 20:14 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 111

You deserved it 9 001

15/07/2012 07:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got home from the hospital after I burned my hand. Why? I dropped my phone in the pot while stirring hot soup, and I reached in to get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 200

You deserved it 39 498

22/12/2009 21:54 - United States

Today, I waited until the last minute to do my Christmas shopping. Today, I also discovered that my bank account has been frozen due to suspicious activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 763

You deserved it 8 941

Life choices

By Jim - 25/12/2020 02:01

Today, my mom is coming to pick up the Christmas presents we got for her and her husband. She won’t come inside or come within 6 feet, so she can be healthy when she goes down to the ex-wife’s parents house to hang out. The ex in-laws that hate me. Glad my mom chose them over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 107

21/10/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I went to my academic counselor to help me deal with my stress and anxiety, which has been making me nauseous from the constant strain. She suggested exercise to help these feelings. Every time I do so, I vomit. From the anxiety and stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 004

You deserved it 5 407

High school drama

By Anonymous - 01/10/2021 20:00

Today, I went to the mall with friends. I'd ditched other friends in order to go out with these friends. At the table next to me was an ex, and on the top floor were the other friends I'd ditched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 1 480

13/10/2010 04:12 - Australia

Today, I started a new job. The supervisor handed me a badge with the name 'Rachel' on it, which is not my name. When I told her this, she responded with, "I know, but it will be easier for the customers to pronounce than your actual name." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 501

You deserved it 3 851

01/05/2011 16:31 - United States

Today, the tree that my neighbors have neglected to cut down fell on my car. They claim that by law, they aren't responsible and don't have to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 342

You deserved it 3 317

06/01/2015 20:57 - Australia - Sydney

Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I went to leave my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 155

You deserved it 3 762

Odd one out

By Anonymous - 08/01/2021 11:01

Today, I went to the mall with two friends. A modelling scout approached us and asked both of my friends if they were interested in modelling. When the scout finally noticed me, she asked if I was their mom. We're all the same age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 81

29/07/2016 22:53 - United States - Detroit

Today, I slipped money into my mother's purse after she refused to let me pay for lunch. She caught me in the act and thought I was stealing money from her instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 277

You deserved it 2 039

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Saturday 17 October 2015 8:30

Probably not the best way to get someone to like you. Not to mention, playing footsie with enough force to pull the power cable out is really just kicking them.

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Saturday 17 October 2015 8:33

Hey, there's a thing called your mouth, use it to tell him you like him. This isn't kindergarten or middle school. Sheesh.

Comments

604 11

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Saturday 17 October 2015 8:29

Good luck! You're gonna need it.

PleaseStayChill 9

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Saturday 17 October 2015 9:02

Everyone loves a rebel. Just embrace the sexy anarchist persona.

Lalala579121 27

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Saturday 17 October 2015 17:15

So you're saying she should quit her job, 15?

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Saturday 17 October 2015 8:30

Probably not the best way to get someone to like you. Not to mention, playing footsie with enough force to pull the power cable out is really just kicking them.

LilMissCanadian 22

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Saturday 17 October 2015 15:33

Honestly, at this age, people shouldn't be playing footsie to get someone to like you.

writergirl1029 17

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Saturday 17 October 2015 18:33

Not necessarily. You had to be really careful to not stretch your legs under your desk at my old job, because sometimes they'd shut the computer off with even the lightest tap.

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Saturday 17 October 2015 8:30

Is that safe for work?

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Saturday 17 October 2015 8:33

Hey, there's a thing called your mouth, use it to tell him you like him. This isn't kindergarten or middle school. Sheesh.

tbro47 23

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Saturday 17 October 2015 8:36

Not the direction I was expecting this comment to go at first.

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Saturday 17 October 2015 9:55

Directness is sacrilege in the woman's world.

mongoosemike 23

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Saturday 17 October 2015 13:38

Directness in women is eternally appreciated by men, however.

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Saturday 17 October 2015 13:40

My thoughts were that OP owes this poor guy a dinner. Its a win-win.

Lalala579121 27

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Saturday 17 October 2015 17:16

She owes him a lot more than dinner depending on how much she made him lose.

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Saturday 17 October 2015 8:37

Maybe you should have go talk to him instead of doing that it's not the best idea.. I hope he forgives you !

A07 48

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Saturday 17 October 2015 8:40

Still better than kicking him in the balls, atleast now you can act like it was an accident and try again another time

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Saturday 17 October 2015 8:44

Try striking up a conversation! Footsies is just annoying..

cole66 13

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Saturday 17 October 2015 8:45

when u early and have a chance for a good comment.. but ur mind goes blank..

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Saturday 17 October 2015 8:45

I think that was the universe telling you it was a bad idea.

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Saturday 17 October 2015 8:48

What are you, twelve?

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 48

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 506