Teeth gang!

Today, my coworker told me I should stop smoking cigarettes because it makes my breath "smell like shit" and makes my teeth look as yellow as corn. I've never smoked a cigarette in my life. FML

It's not what you think

Today, I walked past a few of my coworkers sitting outside smoking. As I got a whiff of the smoke, I coughed. They immediately started to defend their habit, and I was told to "mind my own fucking business." I wasn't trying to be rude; I'm actually allergic to cigarette smoke. FML

Today, my future mother-in-law told me she thought I was severely allergic to cigarette smoke. That hasn't stopped her from chain-smoking around me for the last 3 years. FML

Today, I quit smoking. It seems that when you don't smoke for almost 24 hours, your sense of smell comes back. I then noticed how disgusting my apartment smells. Great. FML

Bad Luck Brian

Today, my doctor told me that my lungs are as bad as a 60-year-old heavy smoker's. I'm 19 and I've never touched a cigarette in my life. FML

Today, I saw my boss, so I mentioned to him, "Oh, I quit." He then interrupted, saying, "Great, I was going to fire you this week anyway." I wanted to tell him I quit smoking. FML

Worst teeth in the game

Today, I went to the dentist and she told me, "If you don't stop smoking, yellow teeth aren't the only thing you'll have to worry about." I don't even smoke. FML

Reefer madness

Today, I told the coworker who sits next to me that I don't smoke weed anymore, after she brought a spliff to work. I then got called into the directors' boardroom to receive a warning for smelling like marijuana at work. I was only allowed one more warning before they were due to fire me. FML

Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML

Today, I found out the reason my co-workers have been giving me gum every day is not because of their generosity, but because everyone in the office thinks my breath smells. FML