Today, my brother came down to my house, bringing his untrained puppies with him. As we were eating dinner, I dropped part of my sandwich in a liquid that was on the tablecloth. Thinking it was water, I ate it. As I chewed, I realized the liquid wasn't water. My sandwich was dipped in dog urine. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML
Today, on the kitchen counter, there was a plate that had snacks on it. I decided to take a bite. I spat it out. Later on, my mother told me it was dog food. FML
Today, I was walking my dogs when I noticed one of them had found something, and was eating it. After my command to "drop it" went unheeded, I took it upon myself to scoop it out of her mouth with my finger. After getting it all over my hand, I realized it was a piece of another dog's poop. FML
Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML
Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. to my dog jumping off of my bed. No big deal. I rolled over to the other side of the bed to fall back asleep and my face landed right in a puddle of his pee. I tasted it. FML
Today, I took my dog to the park. It had recently rained, and he started rolling in something unidentifiable. When I got home, I discovered it was a mixture of mud and who knows what else. Now my house smells like a swamp. FML
Today, I sat down on my couch with a nice cool beer after a tough day at work. I tried opening a bag of chips. The bag exploded, covering me in chips and crumbs, turning me into a sticky human nacho. Well, my dog certainly saw me as a snack, and I had to shower and change clothes. So much for relaxing. FML
Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML
Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML
Today, my brother handed me a sandwich that I'd asked him to make for me. Halfway through eating the sandwich, he started laughing hysterically. I still don't know what was in it. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
The dogs were on the table, peed on it without you realizing and you guys decided to eat on it anyway? Even if there's water, wouldn't you attempt to clean it up? I don't understand. There's more then a few drops. It's a freaking puddle.
heywood 0
...I guess urine for a surprise.
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Comments (101)
love_to_laugh44 0
WHO PUTS A CLASS OF DOG PEE ON THE DINNER TABLE?! AND DURING DINNER?!! EWWW!!
starvingxartist 0
for future reference, piss = yellow, water = clear.
Shilokitten666 19
For future reference, u cant tell if the cloth isnt white duh
MrBadLuck 0
Why the heck would you have dogs on the table?!? Why would you let dogs run around loose that aren't potty trained?!?
valuemeal2 1
Why the hell is there pee on the table in the first place???
Kitkait 0
sounds like something straight out of national lampoons vacation.
voodootrucker 0
who the hell takes there dog to somebody Else's house it's rude
lesp 6
#6 you're so gay xD That actually made me laugh more than the FML did though, so thank you for that. That sucks, but why was a puppy on the table? That's almost a YDI.
mustangsami118 5
and the dogs were on the table....why
DJFender 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA . cool story bro.
mudbone 0
time for a large trash bad and the nearest lake