Love: Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling on bed watching tv....

By sadgf - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling on bed watching tv. He gets up at one point and turns the light off and I asked him why. He said "You look better in the dark". FML

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Love

There's no helping some people

Vulture

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

By TextLoser - United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus next to a hot guy who was texting. I sneaked a peek at his phone to see if he was texting a girl so I could know if he was single. As I looked at his screen, he turned it towards me and typed in caps "STOP BEING A CREEPER." He got out of his seat and off the bus. FML

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By devinbyrne - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom, when someone came up behind me. Instead of waiting for a urinal to free up, he wedged his way in between me and another guy, and promptly began peeing in my urinal, crossing streams in the process. FML

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By romance sucks. - United States - Spencer

Today, my class was interrupted by flowers, balloons and chocolates. Then he sang to me a song he wrote himself. This was all for our one-year anniversary. It probably would have been the best day of my life... if I knew who he was. FML

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By Lameartist

Today, I had just finished an elaborate charcoal drawing as part of a college application that took a good week. When I read over the requirements, I found out it needed to be done in graphite pencil. FML

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By get tf over it! - 30/6/2020 20:02

Cartoon villain

Today, I had a Skype interview for a wonderful new job. I was calm, cool and ready to land it. But just like in a bad movie, the interviewer ended up being the creepy guy I turned down repeatedly in high school and in our 20s. He smirked and told me I could continue, but it would be pointless. FML

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1639

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By daddyrobyn - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I met an important figure in my line of work who also happens to know my dad, Alan. Upon meeting said person, I let my social anxiety get the best of me and I greeted him by saying, "Hi! I'm your Alan!" FML

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4364

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By graveyard-sh*t

Oh, hi Sharon!

Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend showed up at my new job to, "Keep an eye on me." The same ex-girlfriend who has been stalking me since we broke up. Two years ago. FML

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By princess - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 3 year old daughter's Halloween costume finally got delivered. FML

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25916

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By Anonymous - United States - Mansfield

Today, I was planning on having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, so I asked my roomate to stay out of our apartment. About half-way through, my roomate blared "The Eye of the Tiger" from the other side of the door. My girlfriend laughed so hard that we couldn't finish. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Katy

Today, I had to skip class to attend a truancy court hearing. FML

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By Sugartits

Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick me up from work. We work at the same place. FML

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5003

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By Out of Ice Cream - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He did it over Snapchat because he said he didn't want to hear me sad over the phone and wanted to save data. Three years down the drain. FML

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29227

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By razzmataz - United States

Today, I was discussing my family heritage with my girlfriend's parents. The moment I told them that I came from a German background, her seven-year-old brother pointed at me and yelled, "HITLER!" FML

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By wtf dad - 22/7/2020 23:00

Property law

Today, I asked my boyfriend, who’s a massage therapist, if he could help my mom with her chronic migraines by massaging her head and neck. My dad came home, saw them in the dimly lit room and knocked my boyfriend out cold for "touching his woman." My boyfriend dumped me and wants my dad arrested. FML

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2216

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By Anonymous - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, someone took my flatscreen TV at my garage sale because some kid snuck a "free" label onto it. FML

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47276

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6213

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By Inez333

Today, I finally got to see my favorite aunt after months of her living far away with her new boyfriend. She now believes the Earth is flat, gravity is fake, the government is run by reptiles, and that vaccines are the devil themselves. She won't stop trying to convince me of her conspiracies. FML

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2387

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By Milo - Canada

Looks to Die For...

Today, my six-year-old son told me my makeup looks like his grandmother's did in the casket. FML

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6069

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By Misskittygal14

Today, I decided to go through my younger brother's browser history. I found out he goes regularly on PornHub. He's only 10. FML

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3456

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got a text message. My phone was sitting on the edge of the bed and set on vibrate, so it fell off. I reached down to grab my phone and fell off the bed. My macbook landed on top of me. I fractured my arm and broke my laptop to read a text from facebook. FML

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60180

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2020 04:02 - Australia - Lakes Entrance

Work sucks, I know

Today, I returned to work after a week off due to severe food poisoning, after which I ended up in the ED. I was given a warning for causing an inconvenience to everyone, and next time I'm going to be sick, I should give 3 days notice. FML

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By burgerpants - United States - Stamford

Today, I was feeling down so I thought I'd order a burger to cheer myself up. The website I ordered from featured Instagram pics of their customers. My ex and the guy she cheated on me with were front and center. FML

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4158

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By JT. - Luxembourg

You tried

Today, after my sister's wedding, a bunch of people were dancing. I noticed my grandma sitting alone and looking sad. My grandpa died last month, so feeling bad for her, I asked if she'd like to dance with me. She seemed a lot happier, until I accidentally caused her to fall and break her arm. FML

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By cantstoplaughing - United States

Today, I was working on my family genealogy. I found out that my best friend's great-grandfather murdered my great-grandfather. FML

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By abutorac951

Panic! At the Costco

Today, I had to drive over an hour away to buy toilet paper. FML

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1610

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By anon - United States

Today, I threw up after drinking a smoothie my mother made me. She then called me "ungrateful" and "immature" for not liking what she spent a long time making for me. I later found out that not only did she use expired yogurt, it was also a mango smoothie, which I'm allergic to. FML

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28542

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By Anonymous - Japan

Today, I decided to go for a run to try and work on getting in shape. Nine steps in, I slipped in some slimy moss, almost broke my hip on the pavement and gashed open my elbow. I'll be surprised if I can walk straight in the morning. FML

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26045

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my bratty sister shoved me overboard during a boat ride. Not ten seconds after being pulled back on board, I got an earful of abuse from my parents. My sister is the family favorite and they refuse to believe that I didn't "provoke" her. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Noblesville

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

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43925

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By Liz

Today, I woke up, and I could see perfectly. Somehow, during the night, my eyes magically became 20/20. I was overjoyed, until I realized I'd fallen asleep with my glasses on. My eyes are still trash, and I want to cry. FML

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1583

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By Jim - United States

Today, my friends told me that they couldn't make it to my birthday dinner unless I changed the time, because I'd made dinner reservations that would clash with the new episode of Jersey Shore. FML

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By Raela - United States - Fort Lee

Today, I learned that toddlers cannot fully digest raisins. I learned this first-hand when my 15-month-old began pooping them whole. In the bathtub. FML

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By WhereforeArtThouJustice - Portugal

Today, one of my classmates asked the teacher to postpone her presentation because she had to study and the teacher happily agreed. When I approached her, the teacher started yelling at me because postponing deadlines is irresponsible. I just wanted to make sure we didn't need to bring our book. FML

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By 27musiclover - United States

Today, my best friend told me I'm the friend who no one really likes. This was after I had bought her lunch, ice cream, and a ticket to a movie we were going to see that day. FML

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48559

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By S. Michaels - United States

Today, I was chatting to a nice girl at the mall, and I said if she didn't get a raise, I would write to the management. She said they have no email address, and I replied that I meant an actual letter. "Like, on paper?" she said, "Damn, how old are ya, pops?" I want a ticket off this planet. FML

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By moneymoneymoney - United States - Tampa

Today, my financial troubles got so bad, I contemplated visiting a friend simply so I could swipe their deodorant. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a weight loss 'before and after' advertisement and I wished I could at least look like the 'before'. FML

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By violatedinden - United States

Today, my next door neighbor told me that he liked the carpet in my bedroom. I live alone. He's never been in my bedroom. FML

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45439

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By aarong - United States - Tampa

Spotified

Today, I found my daughter's "sex songs" playlist. I was more disappointed by her poor taste in music than the fact that she is already sexually active. FML

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46384

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By diddlebuag - United States

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

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42928

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By - United States - Bedford Hills

Today, my co-workers and I have to fight for our jobs because of a mistake our managers made. They get to keep their jobs. FML

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7142

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Top comments

By wow_just_wow | 0

#68249 - Sunday 29 March 2009 23:21

u shoulda said "how does this look in the dark?" and smacked him

By interventions | 1

#68304 - Sunday 29 March 2009 23:42

tell him his penis looks bigger in the dark too.

COMMENTS

By napoleandynamite | 0

#68238 - Sunday 29 March 2009 23:18

dump him! im sure ur perfectly good looking in the light. he doesnt deserve you.

paopao2 | 0

#467049 - Friday 7 August 2009 20:54

this fml is old i read it like three day a go but in a difrent form

isaiaha11 | 2

#1196551 - Friday 6 August 2010 3:45

vampire

eharmonee | 0

#3695177 - Wednesday 7 December 2011 2:59

But shawty don't take this the wrong way you look better with the lights off better with the lights off.

By TouchDown_fml | 0

#68241 - Sunday 29 March 2009 23:20

Ouch...Next move is to get up and leave.

By Phillay632 | 0

#68244 - Sunday 29 March 2009 23:21

You should respect his honesty and be glad he didn't firmly place a brown paper bag over your head. You're also lucky he is dating you if you're that fugly. It's more of a FHL for having an ugly girlfriend.