Love: Today, my best guy friend set me up on a blind date. Almost immediately... - FML

By blind_loser - 12/07/2009 01:19 - United States

Today, my best guy friend set me up on a blind date. Almost immediately after the guy and I sat down, he excused himself to make a call. A couple of feet away from our table, I heard him say, "Come on, Justin, this is the best you could do??" Over the phone. Justin is the guy who set us up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 619

You deserved it 3 298

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Vulture

Show me where it hurts

By gui909 - 09/12/2008 07:01 - France

Today, I went to fill up my car. 500 metres before the petrol station, I saw a group of motorcyclists in my rear view mirror. I slowed down and pulled over to let them past. In fact, they were also going to fill up. 35 motorcyclists and 2 petrol pumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 721

You deserved it 7 275

How does that work?

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 20:00

Today, after I spent years, and thousands of dollars, searching for my birth father, he changed his mind about adopting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 121

Romance is dead

By Anonymous - 08/06/2021 10:59

Spicy

Today, my husband seems to think sex once a month is adequate, and that it’s acceptable to nap on the sofa once he gets home from work, wake up for dinner, then go straight to bed. I also can’t speak to him while he’s eating, because he’s watching tv. I thought I had a husband, not a roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 158

By keiran123 - 27/06/2013 23:15 - United States - Welsh

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering pizzas, I got bit by a guy dressed as Dracula. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 235

You deserved it 3 316

By Anonymous - 18/01/2014 03:48 - United States

Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 028

You deserved it 5 508

By GreenShelves - 09/04/2016 04:31 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, after staying up late all week to get work done, I arrived at my job having accomplished all my goals. In my sleep-deprived stupor, I completely forgot to bring the briefcase that had all of the evidence of that hard work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 361

You deserved it 2 651

By noname - 07/01/2009 11:43 - France

Today, I received a really nice red satin set of underwear, with a bra, a thong and a corset... From my grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 570

You deserved it 2 273

By potatohead - 01/11/2017 18:00

Today, I had a nasty headache so I tried to take a nap. Unfortunately, my college had a homecoming parade a block away from where I live. I never knew our marching band sounded that awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 364

You deserved it 276

By trustyourfamily - 14/09/2015 22:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss bragged to a coworker, in front of me, about how much money he saved on a project because he majorly underpays me. My boss is my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 948

You deserved it 2 254

Spider-Maaaaaaan

By 8 Legs plus 1 - 08/05/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She went to the bathroom momentarily, only to be greeted by a 'huge' spider, which disappeared under a cabinet. Due to her chronic arachnophobia, this instantly turned her off and caused her paranoia all night. I essentially got cock-blocked by a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 800

You deserved it 243

By pizzalady - 22/01/2017 20:00

Today, while delivering pizza I was yet again given $0.04 over the total bill and told condescendingly to "keep the change". This happens on every shift. My pay is reduced during deliveries, and I drive my own car and use my own gas. For $0.04. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 973

You deserved it 767

Deniers

By La theRona - 05/08/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I’m the only one in my family who's ever taken Covid seriously. This seemed to really annoy my siblings, so much so that they chased me, pulled off my mask, and dramatically coughed all over me. We’re all adults and though they found it hilarious, I’ve been having panic attacks all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 381

Am I the asshole?

By Yanil - 20/06/2021 16:02

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 4 years ago. Turns out she hasn’t found love again since I broke it off with her for her best friend. She’s not the bubbly, cheery girl I met before. I can’t help but feel like an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 2 164

By Brandee - 05/03/2010 01:39 - Canada

Today, a guy commented on a picture of my boyfriend and I kissing on facebook, and said to please stop 'testing' him. He also messaged me saying how he wishes he could get a girlfriend like me, that I'm gorgeous, and that he wants to go out with me. I'm his cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 326

You deserved it 3 193

By nobody asked you! - 25/03/2019 21:00 - United States - New York

Today, is my first day as an expat. Hoping to arrive early for work, I hailed a cab. The driver took it upon himself to take the scenic route and play tour guide, no matter how much I refuse. Not only I was late, he turned violent when I refused to pay over $100 of fare, plus a "talent fee". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 523

You deserved it 180

The nickname that sticks

By ap84 - 27/02/2009 21:47 - United States

Today, after soccer practice, I was walking to the car with my dad. My team mates waved and said "Bye POTHEAD!" They call me that because they think my head is shaped like a pot. Of course, my dad didn't believe me. I'm grounded now because I have an abnormally-shaped head. I've never smoked pot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 653

You deserved it 5 609

By Jim Smith - 21/02/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I went for a run and took my shirt off part way through. The next person I saw was a nine year old girl playing outside her house. She looked at me and said, "Ewwwwww! Gross!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 282

You deserved it 27 644

By Dan - 08/10/2009 16:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I had my leaving party after work to celebrate getting a new job. 3 people turned up. I'd invited 35. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 967

You deserved it 5 398

By weep weep weep - 12/03/2012 03:04 - United States

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 859

You deserved it 3 815

By Fmyapp - 02/12/2009 17:58 - United States

Today, after having paid to download an iPhone FML app, I found out that the real 'Fmylife Official' app was a lot more complete. And free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 474

You deserved it 45 983

How could you forget?

By James - 31/01/2021 11:01

Today, I realised that my birthday was yesterday. I was so busy with my painting work that I completely forgot. I realised when I got messages from friends in the USA, wishing me a happy birthday. Seriously timezones? FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 225

I don't care

By Anonymous - 13/02/2020 19:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend sent me a revenge video of her having sex with another guy, because I cheated on her. I got angry with her, but later used the video to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 5 136

By sleepwalker - 22/11/2009 01:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 459

You deserved it 4 632

By yeah - 17/07/2015 14:59 - United States - Eugene

Today, I got in trouble for missing my shift. According to my idiot boss, "Crashes don't just happen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 682

You deserved it 1 946

By NaurLalaith - 10/08/2016 16:26

Today, I bought an iPhone SE, so my mom decided to sell my old iPhone 5 on Craigslist. Since the 5 and SE look exactly the same, she ended up selling my SE instead of the 5 for $100. The buyer refuses to give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 935

You deserved it 2 080

Too stupid

By Anonymous - 15/02/2020 01:00

Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 2 176

By missgayle319 - 15/03/2012 07:53 - United States

Today, I decided to finally try out the veggie slicer I bought a few months ago to make healthy homemade potato chips. Along with the sliced potatoes, I am now missing about a quarter inch chunk of skin from the side of my hand and quite a bit of blood. At least the chips were good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 229

You deserved it 12 984

Cats > Babies

By Anonymous - 11/02/2020 14:00

Today, my husband loves his cat more than our new baby daughter. This morning, he spent 2 hours playing with the cat, yet when I handed him his flesh and blood daughter, he found an excuse to hand her back after 5 minutes, then 5 minutes after that he was playing with the cat again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 889

You deserved it 387

By MandieL - 30/01/2016 08:56 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I rushed over to stop my infant daughter from falling off her swing. Luckily just before she hit the ground, I woke up. Unfortunately, I woke up because I'd rolled off my bed and hit the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 151

You deserved it 1 786

By notyouraverageteenager - 10/06/2010 07:06 - Australia

Today, I bought an expensive dress because it was me and my boyfriend's one year anniversary, and he was taking me somewhere nice. When he saw me in the dress, he looked at me, laughed and said, "Seriously, what are you wearing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 232

You deserved it 7 300

By Anonymous - 08/01/2013 05:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 895

You deserved it 8 701

By anonymous - 08/01/2013 00:21 - United States

Today, I found a ring box in the pocket of my boyfriend's pants while doing laundry. I eagerly walked up to him knowing that it was an engagement ring, hoping that he would propose on the spot. He tossed it back to me and said, "Well you found it, I don't actually have to ask now, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 246

You deserved it 51 531

By Anonymous - 27/08/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, my boss asked me how my parents' divorce affected me as a child. This is a sensitive subject, but I thought he was trying to connect with me so I told him how much it hurt. Turns out he wants to leave his wife and wanted to know if his kids would turn out "messed up" because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 631

You deserved it 3 030

By D.W. - 03/11/2017 00:30

Today, the new Apple update put all of the 100+ nudes I'd sent my boyfriend on his mother's phone because their accounts are linked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 634

You deserved it 4 114

By whatheffers - 07/07/2010 16:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 288

You deserved it 8 906

By zzdug - 08/02/2010 03:19 - United States

Today, I got mauled by a cat named Mr. Sprinkles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 016

You deserved it 5 865

But my grandbabiiiiiiies!

By Anonymous - 21/09/2021 02:00

Spicy

Today, my mother was sneaking through my underwear and found my condoms and the bills from the hospital where I had my IUD inserted. She then started yelling at me, saying that I didn't have permission to not have children and that, "I get to choose, not you." I'm 28 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 872

You deserved it 142

By aere - 27/01/2009 12:24 - United States

Today, three girls introduced themselves to me. I had met all of them before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 071

You deserved it 2 822

By Anonymous - 04/09/2015 17:01 - United States - Lake Forest

Today, I showed my daughter video footage from a security camera that showed her using her employee key to enter the store I own, disarming the alarm, and stealing several very valuable items. Her defense? That someone had "photoshopped" the video. We'll see how that goes down in court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 186

You deserved it 2 877

By Anonymous - 15/03/2013 10:28 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 782

You deserved it 6 165

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Sunday 12 July 2009 9:49

that's why you don't go on blind dates .

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Sunday 12 July 2009 9:57

When he comes back you should be sitting at the table talking to your "friend" "Yea, no he's a little under average looking, kind of awkward. Oh hey, I'll call you later, he's coming back." Make sure he hears you.

Comments

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Sunday 12 July 2009 9:46

Ouch

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Sunday 12 July 2009 12:24

In such case always forget u r wallet at home, anyway don't pay even if u can afford.. like they say: u pay for ur mistakes so let him pay for you.

manyourlifesucks 0

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Monday 2 April 2012 0:11

My names justin. Just thought id point that out

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Sunday 12 July 2009 9:49

that's why you don't go on blind dates .

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Sunday 12 July 2009 15:44

exactly. blind dates are for sad people with bad social skills.

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Sunday 11 July 2010 9:05

u makin fun of sad ppl with bad social skillz? cuz ur making me cry so much that ill never talj to anyone again

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Sunday 17 April 2011 2:24

Agreed. I refuse to go on blind dates and feel as though they really are for people who are too shy or too bad with men to go up to them themselves. I just meet men the normal way, by going up and talking to them its not hard, either they are interested or not, but its no skin off my back if they are nor interested

anonymous100000 17

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Tuesday 11 November 2014 21:51

this happens oftens. both guys and girls do it. I'm sorry OP. FYL

Nicki_Diamond 0

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Sunday 12 July 2009 9:53

That sucks..

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Sunday 12 July 2009 9:57

i agree with #2... anyway guy sounds like a douche. f his life, get on with yours

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Monday 13 July 2009 0:37

I agree, that guys is a fag. OP, don't worry about him, he is the type that pays prostitutes and the like. Don't worry if he judges your outsides, it is your insides people should feel good about.

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Sunday 12 July 2009 9:57

When he comes back you should be sitting at the table talking to your "friend" "Yea, no he's a little under average looking, kind of awkward. Oh hey, I'll call you later, he's coming back." Make sure he hears you.

_Noon_ 0

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Sunday 12 July 2009 17:40

Awesome idea. She could be even more offensive though, after what he did to her.

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Monday 13 July 2009 21:08

you are the kind of people that cause us to live without peace.... turn the other shoulder, who cares what the fag said.. a vengeful comeback will get you nowhere

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Saturday 21 September 2013 2:42

Says the one who uses the term "fag". Your the asshole.

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Sunday 12 July 2009 10:02

hahahahahah u must be fugly (fen ugle)

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Sunday 12 July 2009 10:06

Should have let him know you heard, and said you agree, you were wanting to ask Justin the exact same thing.

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Sunday 12 July 2009 14:26

This. :)

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Monday 13 July 2009 1:45

Nice. I'm gonna agree with #8.

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Friday 7 August 2009 10:47

ahgreed

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Sunday 12 July 2009 10:09

What a duche, don't let that get to you.. I would have walked out right then, I hope you did!!

kennakatherine 0

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Sunday 12 July 2009 10:11

What a jerk.

Imawhalerider 0

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Sunday 12 July 2009 10:25

Order the most expensive thing there. Make him diereheaa money.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 4

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 20

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 32