Today, I was working at the hospital front desk when an elderly... - FML

By Anonymous - 5/8/2011 23:51 - Canada

Today, I was working at the hospital front desk when an elderly man started hurling racial slurs at another visitor. A fight broke out, so I stepped in and forcibly separated the two. The old man tripped and crashed to the floor. Now I'm under investigation for "contributing to workplace violence." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30267

You deserved it

2820

Tweet

Share

Rock, hard place

Fashion Police

Boom, headshot

By Calimero0 - 5/12/2017 01:30

Today, I felt so unwell that I didn't fall asleep until 4 AM. The baby woke up at 5, ready to start the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4145

You deserved it

524

Tweet

Share

By Arlbethere - 25/2/2011 12:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I attended the wrong funeral. I spent twenty minutes trying to hide and walk away without being too conspicuous. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29223

You deserved it

8559

Tweet

Share

By LowerCrust - 30/1/2012 02:36 - United States

Today, I arrived at the pizza place I work at to find that I'd been fired. Apparently, the class stoner came in last night and not only demanded a free pizza, but also claimed that I always gave him one. I've never talked to this kid in my life, but my boss still doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30038

You deserved it

2045

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/11/2015 05:49 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I felt so lonely that I asked Siri to read me Wikipedia articles so that I could pretend I was having a conversation with a real human being. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21331

You deserved it

3290

Tweet

Share

By haus - 19/1/2010 19:38 - United States

Today, I had to go to court to see whether my drivers license is suspended for an entire year. I woke up early, went to court, and everything went perfectly, with all the charges being dropped. Unfortunately, I then woke up, and am now going to be late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14206

You deserved it

31312

Tweet

Share

By CM112 - 27/10/2019 06:00 - South Africa

OK, now that's gross

Today, I found a piece of a popcorn kernel stuck in my teeth. I haven't eaten popcorn in over a week and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

855

You deserved it

1151

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/9/2017 19:34

Now I ain't saying she a gold digger...

Today, I was forced to sit silently through my 20-year-old daughter's wedding to a man who is 8 years older than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3686

You deserved it

406

Tweet

Share

By julian - 29/9/2018 14:00

Today, I met my daughter's first serious boyfriend, only she forgot to mention he has hypermobility. All I did was shaking his hand normally, but it still dislocated three of his knuckles. My daughter made me call his mother to explain what I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3513

You deserved it

252

Tweet

Share

By doesntkissalot - 28/8/2010 16:19 - United States

Today, I was watching TV when a Dentyne gum commercial came on and stated that the average person spends more than 20,000 minutes kissing. I've spent less than three. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35247

You deserved it

6054

Tweet

Share

By Surfinbird09 - 20/12/2009 12:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked a girl I liked for her number, but she claimed she had a broken phone and was getting a new one for Christmas. Unhinged, I go home and go onto Facebook. First thing I see is her status: "Why is no one answering my calls?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30653

You deserved it

4038

Tweet

Share

By bronco_lover89 - 22/5/2012 01:05 - United States - Essexville

Today, after months of using the empty driveway across the street from my house, a note was placed under my windshield wiper. It read, "Please stop parking in my driveway. P.S. You’re hot. Are you single?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

8894

You deserved it

39219

Tweet

Share

By humanshield - 10/4/2016 16:49 - United States - Rockland

Today, while working my job as a swim instructor, my coworker sprayed me with the hose. I instinctively held up what I was holding to block the cold water. I was holding a 4 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20150

You deserved it

5087

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/4/2014 22:35 - Canada - Concord

Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44275

You deserved it

4834

Tweet

Share

By smarter than a mollusk, skinner than a hippo - 10/11/2010 17:33 - United States

Today, a girl who has had a problem with me for as long as I can remember, tagged me in a Facebook status update in which she equated my intelligence to that of a mollusk and equated my weight to that of a hippopotamus. My boyfriend, as well as several of my "friends," liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32711

You deserved it

4474

Tweet

Share

By Jake - 28/9/2010 17:35 - United States

Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44780

You deserved it

3438

Tweet

Share

By carl_carl_ - 25/7/2016 04:17 - United States - Grand Ledge

Today, I found my dad on a dating website looking for younger girls. My mother and father are "happily" married, well according to her Facebook profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15778

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1438

Tweet

Share

By Whyme - 9/1/2012 06:14 - United States

Today, I went to the movies on a date. My chair made a fart sound while I moved around a little, so my date thought I'd let one rip. He then let out a really horrendously smelling one to make me feel less embarrassed, giving me a reassuring look. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36171

You deserved it

6468

Tweet

Share

By sllaggy - 18/4/2011 09:34

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's house. I had a shower while he went downstairs. As I went to say goodbye to him, his mother muttered "slut" while pouring him orange juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43315

You deserved it

22039

Tweet

Share

By elizabeth - 29/11/2012 08:01 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I came home to my mother-in-law wearing the gold chain which I usually keep in a hidden drawer. I searched my drawer only to find out my chain was missing. I asked my mother-in-law if she took it and she keeps denying the fact that she stole it from me. My husband is on her side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30420

You deserved it

1824

Tweet

Share

By notinthebutt - 14/6/2011 17:57 - United States

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15289

You deserved it

64075

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/8/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, my brother found 100 bucks in his coat pocket. He was so happy he bought 2 new games for his x-box. He was borrowing my coat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51464

You deserved it

8476

Tweet

Share

By CSPKrissi - 4/4/2017 04:00

Today, we got a new window washer in my office : a three-year-old, who decided the best tool for the job was his tongue. I'm the only one in the office willing to touch a bottle of glass cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4133

You deserved it

362

Tweet

Share

By nomegusta - 5/1/2013 15:59 - United States

Today, I unknowingly used my shampoo thinking it was leave-in-conditioner. While walking to work, it started to rain. I started to produce suds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12254

You deserved it

27966

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/7/2019 02:01

Today, I realized my boyfriend's family love and respect me more than my own family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1574

You deserved it

116

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/1/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, my window got busted and won't shut properly. I live in a college dorm room and maintenance says they can't fix it for a couple of days. It's below freezing in my dorm and I can see my breath while trying sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30241

You deserved it

2604

Tweet

Share

By worried - 16/8/2011 13:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I heard that a boy in my class had written a song about me. Intrigued, I went to see him perform. I spent 3 excruciating minutes listening to a song about 'the girl of his dreams', his tear-filled eyes staring into mine the whole time. I have to sit next to this freak for the next 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17653

You deserved it

55103

Tweet

Share

By Rizma - 27/11/2014 15:12 - France - Gr?ces

Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear sporty, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just when a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34893

You deserved it

4535

Tweet

Share

By Toby's.Mom. - 16/2/2017 17:00 - United States - Houston

Your kid is a boffin

Today, I heard my son use the word "exacerbated". I had to look it up to see if he had correctly used it, which he had, because I couldn't remember what it meant. I'll be 23 next week. He's not even 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4839

You deserved it

2885

Tweet

Share

By DearLord - 3/4/2020 23:00 - Canada

Next, on The Jerry Springer Show…

Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1848

You deserved it

123

Tweet

Share

By obeezy - 30/4/2009 19:56 - United States

Today, I didn't have any money to buy a tampon from the dispenser at my school but my hands are small enough so I can just slide them up and grab one. My hand got stuck in the dispenser and my school had to call the fire department. Now everyone calls me tampon girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32465

You deserved it

69397

Tweet

Share

By howsthisforaname - 24/5/2012 12:59 - United Kingdom - Kingston Upon Hull

Today, after my old downstairs neighbor, who would come upstairs to bang on my door and yell at me every time she heard a sound from me at all times of the day, had finally moved out, it became clear that my new downstairs neighbor gets drunk and yells at the TV in the early hours of the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20663

You deserved it

2129

Tweet

Share

By natasha - 1/7/2020 05:03

The void

Today, my depression has hit a new low. I had to verbally motivate myself for at least an hour in order to wash two plates. I ended up giving up in the middle, and completely shutting down for six hours afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1326

You deserved it

235

Tweet

Share

By for shite's sake - 17/1/2015 22:24 - United Kingdom - Mirfield

Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34480

You deserved it

3692

Tweet

Share

By pleasestop - 11/6/2011 08:48 - Australia

Today, I woke up with bowel problems which have been causing me to violently pass wind every couple of minutes. I have to spend the next two hours sitting an exam in dead silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39086

You deserved it

3375

Tweet

Share

By sadmommy - 23/4/2012 22:51 - United States - Keller

Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35440

You deserved it

6128

Tweet

Share

By Anon - 9/1/2013 19:27 - United States - Southbury

Today, I was laughing at a girl who really sucks at badminton. Turns out she has anger issues, and a really good aim when she's mad. I've never been hit so hard in the crotch before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11485

You deserved it

64081

Tweet

Share

By whatno - 19/6/2013 23:40 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I caught my 16-year-old daughter and her boyfriend trying to use a latex glove as a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59709

You deserved it

9203

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/7/2014 16:01 - United States - Glen Allen

Today, my little sister was being picked on by some kids. After seeing one push her, I went over to talk to them about how bullying isn't cool and how they need to play nice. They beat me up. I'm 22 years old and got beat up by a group of 10 year olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45664

You deserved it

15511

Tweet

Share

By glocked and goaded - 3/4/2015 18:08 - United States - Sun City

Today, at my cousin's wedding, there was a bouquet toss. I jumped to catch it, only to get knocked down and crushed by a woman twice my size who'd jumped backwards. It still feels like someone shattered my ribs with a sledgehammer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26676

You deserved it

2670

Tweet

Share

By violetbcracecar - 14/12/2016 03:48 - United States - Suisun City

Today, for the first time in my life, I have lice. The dog we rescued infested our house. No amount of showering has made me feel clean, and my bald husband just doesn't understand why I'm so bothered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8497

You deserved it

920

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By SageAnonymous | 6

#3049159 - Saturday 6 August 2011 5:10

Don't lie. You were the one shouting 'fight, fight' as they hobbled to one another.

By ChucktheNorris | 0

#3049073 - Saturday 6 August 2011 5:04

He got what he deserved. :) no more racist man

COMMENTS

By livlafluv100 | 2

#3048949 - Saturday 6 August 2011 4:55

ah well, at least u tried, right? but that sucks.

Reply

Cereal_Is_Good | 5

#3048977 - Saturday 6 August 2011 4:57

You shouldn't have pushed the old man down, you heartless liar.

Reply

iloveeyouuxD | 9

#3049033 - Saturday 6 August 2011 5:00

It's the thought that counts.

Reply

2ndSucks | 15

#3049125 - Saturday 6 August 2011 5:08

No good deed goes unpunished.

Reply

heyguysitsjosh | 8

#3050450 - Saturday 6 August 2011 9:07

1- wrong OP- best not to get involved, sit back and enjoy the show.

Reply

CarsAndMoney | 5

#3050832 - Saturday 6 August 2011 11:10

12- lol thats so true

By aFatFuck | 0

#3048961 - Saturday 6 August 2011 4:57

the things that happen when you step outside the kitchen

By mandy248 | 0

#3048969 - Saturday 6 August 2011 4:57

Shouldve let it keep going. Don't u wanna know who wouldve won?

Reply

iEatGuppies | 0

#3049695 - Saturday 6 August 2011 6:31

yeah forget not getting fired and keeping your job, it only matters who won!

no.

By forkbrother13 | 0

#3048971 - Saturday 6 August 2011 4:57

sounds like it was a dangeris situashun!

Reply

RavenLovesGir | 0

#3049462 - Saturday 6 August 2011 5:42

Your picture scares the shit out of me...

Reply

dreamering | 16

#3049632 - Saturday 6 August 2011 6:21

4 must have fingers in the same shape like those teeth in his profile picture.

Reply

Ghostkiller12345 | 9

#3049733 - Saturday 6 August 2011 6:37

4- I bet you failed your english classes

Reply

marmlr339 | 14

#3062044 - Monday 8 August 2011 7:28

I'm no grammar nazi, but for fucks sake, learn to spell!

By bobbybill0519 | 7

#3049031 - Saturday 6 August 2011 5:00

First finally!!!

Reply

iloveeyouuxD | 9

#3049081 - Saturday 6 August 2011 5:04

Maybe your just 5 minutes late so fail

By ashleynicole0209 | 0

#3049054 - Saturday 6 August 2011 5:03

Damn that sucks!

Reply

Babalu722 | 3

#3051532 - Saturday 6 August 2011 15:56

thats why when old people fight, i just watch

By ChucktheNorris | 0

#3049073 - Saturday 6 August 2011 5:04

He got what he deserved. :) no more racist man

Reply

PrickHead | 0

#3049146 - Saturday 6 August 2011 5:09

chuck norrois doesnt crash to the floor, the floor crashes in to chuck norris...

Reply

ChucktheNorris | 0

#3052400 - Saturday 6 August 2011 19:15

#27...Good One.

By kmumma | 3

#3049085 - Saturday 6 August 2011 5:05

So that's what they're calling it nowadays

By glitterme | 5

#3049126 - Saturday 6 August 2011 5:08

well yo did did contribute to the vilonce

Reply

Ghostkiller12345 | 9

#3049754 - Saturday 6 August 2011 6:40

Omg! What is up with everyone today? Can't type correctly ?! I ain't a grammar nazi but wow Vilonce wtf is that a failed violin? Damn you could atleast learn how to type...

Reply

Cereal_Is_Good | 5

#3049949 - Saturday 6 August 2011 7:11

You're one to talk. Dumbass.

By SageAnonymous | 6

#3049159 - Saturday 6 August 2011 5:10

Don't lie. You were the one shouting 'fight, fight' as they hobbled to one another.

Reply

SageAnonymous | 6

#3049438 - Saturday 6 August 2011 5:40

Or being the bet holder

Reply

jren207 | 24

#3051491 - Saturday 6 August 2011 15:46

Or handing him boxing gloves.