Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML
Today, I had mice in the house and had to kill them with mousetraps. I pulled a trap out with a dead mouse and my four year-old son saw. Mice are his favorite animals, and now he won’t speak to me. FML
Today, my cat died in the process of eating, and choking on, my hamster. FML
Today, I listened to my mom having a conversation with my dog, asking him if he ate my hamster. My hamster isn't even dead. FML
Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML
Today, I showed my family my new pet hamster. At the sight of him, my grandmother, who I had no idea hated rodents, let out a loud screech, causing my usually docile hamster to bite me and piss in my cupped hand. FML
Today, my daughter brought home her class hamster for the weekend. It escaped and we spent hours searching for it. We later found it in the fridge, eating our leftover pizza. I never knew hamsters had such a refined palate. FML
Today, water turned to wine. That is, my brother put wine in my hamster's water bottle. Very bad idea. FML
Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML
Today, I came home to find a mouse in the garage. Frantic, I killed it. My 7-year-old son came home from soccer, and started crying because he couldn't find the class pet, Mr. Whiskers. I killed my son's class pet. FML
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Top comments
Witchcraft_fml 5
At least he died with the sugary goodness of a cookie in his mouth.
Mihir 1
Oh that sucks hard...sorry for your creature
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Comments (172)
hurley12 30
Sorry for your loss that sucks/: but I love the way this FML is written I loved that book when I was little.
jackyjoker 2
Tom and Jerry. The classic. ;)
iMadness 6
Hamsters are so derpy
NikkiSamm 21
....well that escalated real ******* quick!
LoyalSatanist666 13
this for some reason makes me laugh everytime I read it.
paskievitchjack 23
"I murdered my guinea pig and stick it in a microwave"
ReaperofSouls42 2
That... that was so morbid that it was hilarious... I'm sorry.