Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I started training for a charity boxing match. When I got home and walked through the door, my dad punched me in the stomach to test my reaction time. As I lay on the floor trying to catch my breath, he said my reaction time was "terrible". FML
Today, I told my dad I started taking jiu-jitsu lessons. He responded by laughing and saying, "Martial arts are for pussies, you should just get a gun." FML
Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML
Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML
Today, I introduced my dad to my boyfriend. I gave my dad the middle finger and he thumped me on the head, as we've been playfully doing for years. My boyfriend got all mad and tried to fight my dad. FML
Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML
Today, I attempted to threaten my daughter's boyfriend to keep him from breaking her heart. I'm a 230-pound former soldier. He's a karate black belt. My family watched me get beat up by a 120-pound teenager. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, at a mixed-family game of rugby, my dad resorted to calling me a "goddamned accident" and eventually body-slamming me, just so I'd stop playing long enough for his team to score. FML
Today, I accidentally called my kickboxing trainer "Dad." I'm 27. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 40
I'd suggest you invest in a giant human bubble. Or a cup.
crescent_indigo 0
spiked cup would be win-win situation
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Comments (291)
WithS 0
... Ok i just stoped laughting, that was the funniest thing i read for a while haha... wow...
Ejvind 0
#65, are you sure you'd want to show them the damage, if it was as the OP said? x]
USMC0612 0
Want a straw? So you can suck it up! Haha. Either take it, fight back, or get quicker reflexes. Your dad's a Marine, I'm sure he taught you how to "adapt & overcome".
SeleneKoi 0
I totally agree. Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right?
nananabatann 0
When your dad realizes he's not getting any grandchildren from you in the future, he'll regret punching you in the crotch. We'll be seeing his story on FML soon.
newbzoors 0
Today, i turned 89, and still havent gotten any grandchildren. When i asked my son about this, he simply said "Yea dad, punches to the crotch do that". FML
docjolivette 0
haha that sucks, and kinda perverted, whats wrong with an arm or something. But a cup a a gag electric shocker and put it on that. Then see who has quick reflexes from being shocked!
day_dreamer123 0
Haha Simper Fi bitches!!!! FYL man I hope you can get faster reflexes and really fast.
Wm2oo9 0
Chop your **** off.... or **** him up with an AK. oh and guys, i think we've established the whole "ex-marine" thing...
jess_00 0
I hope you weren't planning on having kids...
Njord09 2
get a knife. and be patient. :)
connorod 2
Walk into his room whilst he is sleeping and dutifully re-gift his to present to you, to him.