Love: Today, it was still easier for me to get an engineering PhD than... - FML

By still single - 06/08/2015 01:22 - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, it was still easier for me to get an engineering PhD than it is to get a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 610

You deserved it 3 005

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Leave us alone

Great parenting, dude

By Anonymous - 20/05/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, I went to my girlfriend's Catholic all girls high school to ask her to prom by decorating her car. As soon as I walked on campus the school went into lock down because of a "suspicious male intruder." When I saw my girlfriend, she denied knowing me. I was arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 616

You deserved it 7 452

By masterdisaster - 11/04/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, one of our regular customers came in and was telling me he bought an assault rifle. I told him not to go off his meds and shoot up the store, as a joke. Later, my manager told me that the guy is on antidepressants and was discharged from the military for being "mentally unfit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 698

You deserved it 19 474

Where am I?

By anonymus - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, my grandmother was driving me to the mall. Suddenly, she stopped in the middle of the road. When I asked her what exactly she was doing, she said, "Oh, am I driving?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 069

You deserved it 2 303

Fake it til you make it

By Carl - 08/12/2020 12:02 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I was working from home alone while my wife was at her office. I decided that instead of having a healthy lunch at home, I would walk to the fast food place a block over. I didn't realise that my fitness tracker would automatically log this as "Exercise (walk)." My wife clicked "Like" underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 830

By Oops - 10/06/2013 11:22 - United States

Today, my friend got dumped. I wanted to say, "You must be devastated", thinking, "That really sucks." I said, "You must really suck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 135

You deserved it 13 793

By IssacB - 17/07/2015 17:56 - United States

Today, I came home after just 3 weeks of being away. It seems like my pool now has its own mini-ecosystem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 793

You deserved it 5 472

Confusion

By oh god. - 14/05/2014 23:16 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 204

You deserved it 7 092

By audied - 04/01/2010 21:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, I noticed the woman I've been sleeping with for over 2 years never lets me see her naked during sex. I confronted her about it and she replied, "I don't care if you see me naked. I was just leaving the lights off the whole time so I don't have to see you naked." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 182

You deserved it 4 572

By Undercooked - 24/09/2013 19:08 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 803

You deserved it 4 731

By Jackie - 14/09/2010 20:00 - United States

Today, I realized the guy I like is not deaf. This would normally be good news. However, for the past two weeks I assumed he was deaf after seeing him use sign language. I've been openly talking about him within earshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 554

You deserved it 49 591

Double dipping

By Anonymous - 09/09/2019 08:00 - United States - Rahway

Today, I found out that I mean nothing to the man I have loved for over a year. He has been taking vacations with another woman, and is in fact, on a vacation with her right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 789

You deserved it 218

By sandyseashells10 - 13/11/2010 06:29 - United States

Today, I went to the waterpark and my kids were fighting so I grounded them both. We concluded the day by boogey boarding on a mechanical wave. There was so much water I didn't realize my boobs had completely fallen out of my bikini. As revenge, my kids didn't tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 690

You deserved it 20 615

By MitchFail - 23/07/2009 06:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokémon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokémon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 667

You deserved it 73 916

No dog for you

By Anonymous - 21/11/2021 05:01 - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked my landlord if I could get a dog. He said no, and gave me an illegal rent increase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 95

By SebastianCT - 19/08/2015 17:44 - United States - Tampa

Today, I learned that it's possible to get hit by a bird while bungee jumping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 057

You deserved it 2 081

By Anonymous - 23/04/2011 21:26 - United States

Today, I had to climb over a tall gate. Getting to the top wasn't a problem, but falling face first on the way down wasn't what I'd had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 073

You deserved it 10 648

By HeIsKindaRightTho - 16/09/2014 04:31 - United States - Houghton

Today, I video-chatted with my mom and showed her my new, very short haircut. My dad walked in, took one look at me and said, "I can only attribute this to penis envy," and walked out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 267

You deserved it 4 908

By Stuck - 12/02/2014 18:25 - United States - Evans

Today, my house is on lockdown. I recently moved to Georgia from Rhode Island to be with my boyfriend. The state is on high alert for an ice storm. I'm stuck inside with my terrified boyfriend, who's calling it "the storm of the century". I used to walk to school in this weather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 643

You deserved it 5 832

By wellfuckyoutoo - 24/11/2015 17:45 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, a close friend came over with her three-year-old son. The child used a crayon on the walls, flushed my money down the toilet, and threw up. My friend was seriously offended when I asked her to help me clean everything up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 643

You deserved it 1 741

By Alex - 07/10/2010 10:10 - United States

Today, I noticed that my wife changed her status on Facebook to "widow" and a lot of strange guys commented saying stuff like "Finally." Last I checked, I'm not dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 445

You deserved it 3 247

Oh, hai Mark!

By Anonymous - 11/10/2019 12:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's antisocial father actually decided to talk to me. Too bad I couldn't respond, due to the fact that I still had his son's penis in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 058

You deserved it 752

By Anonyme - 22/06/2016 04:05

Today, my parents, who aren’t usually lenient, allowed me to have my boyfriend over. We started to cuddle, things got a little heated, but then my sister walks in and says, “You do my math homework, or I tell mom what you guys were doing.” I don’t remember middle school math being this hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 364

You deserved it 4 147

By Tim - 07/08/2011 02:49 - United States

Today, I found that there is nothing worse than coming home to a snake slithering across your kitchen floor. Except when it disappears into your cabinets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 662

You deserved it 3 351

Empathy

By jess - 29/07/2020 20:02

Today, my friends were showing me infomercials and laughing at how clumsy and stupid the people were. I could relate to every single one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 239

By Anonymous - 16/06/2018 15:00

Today, after massive bouts of diarrhea, vomiting, and doctor visits lasting weeks, I finally got a diagnosis... from my puppy's vet. I got Giardia from my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 215

You deserved it 348

By areyouserial - 05/12/2011 13:21 - United States

Today, Santa ran over my foot with a Segway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 183

You deserved it 3 011

By wallamanut - 14/12/2014 07:50 - United States - Portland

Today, my parents decided to finally kick me out of the house because they've gotten tired of seeing me "sleep around all day and being so lazy" whenever I'm home. I'm currently triple-shifting for 6 days a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 798

You deserved it 2 827

By Anonymous - 13/05/2017 12:00

Today, a guy told me I was hot and that I should give him a chance. When I told him I was straight, he instantly called me a bigot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 478

You deserved it 380

By edwinduarte1 - 13/09/2010 06:49 - France

Today, I noticed that the walls of my apartment are ridiculously thin, when I heard my neighbor slowly walk up the stairs, slam the bathroom door, lift the toilet cover, take a pee and end with a nice "AAHH." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 135

You deserved it 3 293

By axewoman - 17/10/2014 08:14

Today, my dad told me someday I'll find a man who wants a nice lumberjack for a wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 010

You deserved it 3 686

By GrumpyBunny - 28/03/2016 07:27 - United States - Marysville

Today, I learned the true meaning of "throwing money down the toilet" when pulling my pants up, somehow my $100 Easter money fell out of my pocket mid flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 923

You deserved it 4 409

By PghSportsNation - 02/09/2011 14:56 - United States

Today, I awoke to my cat with micro pellets all over him. He'd destroyed a pillow containing them, and now there are thousands of these pellets throughout the entire house. My vacuum is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 462

You deserved it 4 343

By afraidtoburn - 26/02/2012 04:18 - Canada

Today, I discovered that during fire drills, my school lines everyone up next to some extremely flammable and explosive propane tanks. If we ever have a real fire, we will all die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 310

You deserved it 2 562

By Fag_Hag - 06/02/2009 01:30 - United States

Today, while my 4 year old nephew was hugging me, he stepped back and declared, "Auntie, my Pee-do is hard, but it will go away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 299

You deserved it 3 295

By Belgian girl - 22/03/2017 19:00 - United States - Lewes

Today, I became my one night stand's shrink as he went through the process of realising he might be bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 294

You deserved it 694

By ouch - 29/01/2010 20:19 - United States

Today, against the will of the kids in my class, we played kick ball. The first time I rolled the ball, the tallest, biggest kid kicked it as hard as he could. I caught it though, with my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 172

You deserved it 5 261

Last trip

By cap - 09/12/2019 01:00 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I had sex with my wife only to be told that the sex was horrible and to be given divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 153

You deserved it 283

By Anonymous - 10/08/2013 19:28 - United States - Winston Salem

Today, I took my driving test. As I was about to turn at a green light, a car sped toward us from the other direction, running a red light. My instructor failed me because I stopped to avoid getting rammed. Apparently I should have kept going, because it was my right of way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 476

You deserved it 3 610

By DaycareMama92 - 28/04/2017 16:00

Today, I fractured a bone in my foot by dropping a shampoo bottle on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 220

You deserved it 400

By RIP iPhone - 26/02/2017 06:00 - United States

Today, I was using my flashlight app in the driveway to avoid stepping in puddles, as my new shoes are untreated suede. I dropped my phone in the puddle instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 504

You deserved it 2 004

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Thursday 6 August 2015 14:05

Build yourself a girlfriend!

igg125 30

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Thursday 6 August 2015 14:08

There are lots of guys who would rather have an engineering PHD than their current girlfriend.

Comments

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Thursday 6 August 2015 14:05

Build yourself a girlfriend!

corporatescoundr 25

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Thursday 6 August 2015 14:14

If it worked like that I bet there'd be a lot more people trying to get into engineering programs.

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Thursday 6 August 2015 14:33

Girl friend is not a toy

Send a private message

Thursday 6 August 2015 18:22

Like Krieger from Archer.

magicsablebounce 8

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Friday 7 August 2015 16:43

Like how Howard built a sex robot on The Big Bang Theory

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Friday 7 August 2015 17:41

If he builds it, he will cum.

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Thursday 6 August 2015 14:06

Everybody has their strengths and weaknesses man. There's someone out there for you.

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Thursday 6 August 2015 15:59

Also, at least OP doesn't have to deal with supreme bullshit. First you get the money, then you get power, then you get the woman.

igg125 30

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Thursday 6 August 2015 14:08

There are lots of guys who would rather have an engineering PHD than their current girlfriend.

herpderp1234 17

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Thursday 6 August 2015 14:08

Construct a girlfriend to put that degree to use! She'll be just the way you want! Lol

iAmDictionary 13

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Thursday 6 August 2015 14:10

That PhD is probably a lot more valuable

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Thursday 6 August 2015 14:13

PhD usually brings money, money can make girls look your way, just choose wisely!!

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Thursday 6 August 2015 14:17

If a girl is only interested in you because of the money you have.. let me put it this way: Bye, Bitch!

kaed 16

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Thursday 6 August 2015 14:26

Well I'd rather marry a prosperous and educated man than one who is not.

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Thursday 6 August 2015 15:47

I know that some women prefer education over other things, I mean I'd rather have a cute educated girlfriend over a hot airheaded model!

a1_z9 10

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Thursday 6 August 2015 16:02

I find a thirst for knowledge way more sexy than a thirst for money in a man. I can make my own money, but money doesn't come running to you at the end of the day all excited about the thingymajig they've just created!

smackaroonial 20

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Friday 7 August 2015 8:22

Looks are important too. If you're not physically attracted to your spouse, then your relationship will eventually crumble, no matter how much you like their education. But stability helps in a relationship. (Stability can sometimes equal money.)

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Thursday 6 August 2015 14:21

Write a paper on 69... Will help u in scoring high.

Cads1 24

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Thursday 6 August 2015 14:23

PhD= pretty huge dick, or so I thought.

TheClassicMan848 11

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Thursday 6 August 2015 14:26

Once you're wealthy you'll attract tons of women

Send a private message

Thursday 6 August 2015 14:29

Well you have an engineering degree, which opens many high paying career paths. When you're rich, the girls will come to you!

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 29

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 23

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 196

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 266