Today, in the middle of the store, my daughter pointed at my belly and loudly announced that she was going to have a brother. I'm a man, and apparently I need to lose weight. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, a customer greeted me with, "So! When's the baby coming!?" I'm NOT pregnant. I just gain weight in my guts. FML
Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML
Today, I told my daughter that she's going to be a big sister, because there is a baby growing in my tummy. She's been sobbing because I can't convince her that I didn't eat a baby. FML
Today, at school, one of my students confidently told me that I "wasn't hiding my baby bump very well anymore." I'm not pregnant. Just fat, apparently. FML
Today, when my mother-in-law told me I was losing weight, my husband started laughing. FML
Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year-old man with a beer belly. FML
Today, while at a family baby shower, my grandfather thought it would be funny to inform me, in front of everyone, that I had gotten fat. I'm 7 months pregnant and the baby shower was for me. FML
Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML
Today, I was tying my hair up when my dad rubbed my stomach and asked how his grandchild was doing. He knows I'm not pregnant and that I've been trying really hard to lose weight. FML
Today, I told my mom that I’m pregnant. She said I could use it as an opportunity to “trim down.” I’m 130lbs and muscular. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
The funny part is that your daughter is 27.
DocBastard 40
You "apparently" need to lose weight? Here's some free medical advice - if you can't see your feet, you're either pregnant or obese. Since you aren't pregnant, do the math.
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Comments (93)
brian_b005 3
As long as she is hot. You can look past her stupidity.
DontClickOnMe 28
What the hell? She's his daughter.. It would be weird for him to consider her "hot". Also, she's probably just an innocent little girl, so she's not stupid.
Leslier_fml 4
Inspiration in disguise
skullofdarkness 18
I once made that mistake... But it was about my mom... I was 6 at the time...
efrainelboricua 12
Was now is loudly or was it a typo for proudly?
scarykittens 3
Bouncy, bouncy, jiggle, jiggle.
TheDrudgeChild 4
P
pcentral 17
A little less binge, a little more purge perhaps?
fudgeimout 2
What if your wife out her up to it? Hm.. Something to think about OP.
ramakandra 3
you have to admit, it's a funny way of saying " you' re fat". better then the actuall, " you're fat" anyway.
mosquito19 14
YES YOU DO