Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my... - FML

By ugh - 14/06/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 691

You deserved it 3 921

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Same thing different taste

By jackpot - 09/05/2011 01:53 - Venezuela

Today, I was in a parking lot looking for a spot, and after driving around for a long while I finally found one. A homeless man was taking a shit on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 451

You deserved it 3 018

By pauper - 09/02/2012 01:20

Today, I came home to a homeless man sleeping in my living room. It turns out he thought my house was abandoned due to its disheveled appearance, and decided to break in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 273

You deserved it 8 762

By Ally - 19/05/2011 01:07 - United States

Today, I came home to my front door open and a homeless man taking a 'bath' in my sink. If this wasn't bad enough, he refused to leave because 'finders keepers!' FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 111

You deserved it 4 058

By Anonymous - 22/09/2015 05:09 - United States - Boston

Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 634

You deserved it 23 377

There goes the neighborhood…

By Anonymous - 21/10/2021 11:00

Today, my drunk neighbor couldn’t get into his apartment and thought it would be a good idea to poop in our yard. He left a pile of diarrhea under our window, and poop-stained napkins all over the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 65

By Brook363 - 27/05/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, I witnessed the homeless man that visits my neighborhood placing bags containing his own poop in my trash cans. I later received a notice stating that the garbage company will not provide my residence with garbage service until I “refrain from placing bags of my own feces in the trash.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 786

You deserved it 3 103

By jl_word - 04/02/2015 21:49 - United States

Today, I paid a local homeless man to rake the leaves in my yard. After paying and driving him to the bus stop, I found his shit on my back porch. I need new shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 643

You deserved it 3 839

By wellokaythen - 14/05/2013 19:52 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 924

You deserved it 5 106

You OK dude?

By Anonymous - 28/03/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I walked out to the parking lot and caught a homeless man laying a fat steamer on the hood of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 69

By minimum wage - 02/04/2012 08:38 - Canada

Today, I walked in on a homeless guy peeing on a turd on the floor of the women's restroom at the park. I'm a janitor for the city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 332

You deserved it 2 404

Next

Top comments

garrettcodd 0

Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:07

the worst part is you can't go shit on his porch...

kingnate16 0

Tuesday 14 June 2011 23:02

did u join him?

Comments

mbrooks5110 0

Wednesday 15 June 2011 2:58

Umm phone the police.

invicta8926 0

Wednesday 15 June 2011 3:01

funny.

im_so_ninja 0

Wednesday 15 June 2011 3:06

don't you just hate it when that happens?!

aaronruark 2

Wednesday 15 June 2011 3:10

amerwin that made me lol fyl

Skorne 5

Wednesday 15 June 2011 3:17

I, for one, think that this is the best use of the word relentlessly,] that I've ever heard.

katiejanelle42 5

Wednesday 15 June 2011 3:24

Well, OP if you were in Texas you would be able to shoot him (: Yay Castle Law. Lol, we actually almost had to do that cause my dads crazy ex came and started throwing shit on our lawn and yeah, one of those times I wish we owned a gun. /: But nooo you're in Louisana, and that sucks for you so FYL.

TheDrifter 23

Wednesday 15 June 2011 6:28

The castle law only applies if they are threatening you. On a side note, in the state of Louisiana you can shoot a man for loitering on your porch.

hottottie 0

Wednesday 15 June 2011 4:14

I think you should have scared him.

xavier1623 4

Wednesday 15 June 2011 7:36

If you scared him, you coulda scared him out of 10 years worth of shit!

ChuckNorrisBeard 0

Wednesday 15 June 2011 4:19

wanna put that in the cool story box?

DrewsFML 8

Wednesday 15 June 2011 4:20

did he make you sign for it?

mallow18_fml 10

Wednesday 15 June 2011 4:26

I wouldn't even be mad. He has no home where he can poop in solitude, let him poop in peace.

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The Top

Today, my boss fired me because someone hacked our website and replaced pictures of our products with furry porn (don’t Google it, it’s weird as fuck). We don’t have an IT department, but since I spend the most time on the computer controlling stock and purchases, he blamed me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 661

You deserved it 161

Today, I was stuck in a window seat next to the biggest/angriest man I've ever seen. During the trip, I reached down to pick up what I thought was my pillow but instead managed to pull off his huge sock. I couldn't put it back so had to pretend I had no idea why he was glaring at me when he woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 158

You deserved it 1 135

The Top

Today, I found a note on the front door of my flat saying, "You left your keys in your garage door so I put them in your letter box". Guess where my letter box key is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 976

You deserved it 6 658

Today, I sat down at my computer for the first time in a week, and discovered that my cat had thrown up all over my keyboard. I needed to write up an important document but the chunks were stuck down in the keys, effectively locking it up and making it useless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 633

You deserved it 614

Today, I hooked up with a freshman at a party. No foreplay, just a quickie. The boy was a virgin, had phimosis, and didn't know. He started to bleed and scream, causing everyone from the party to gather around the bathroom door. He left with his dick bleeding and now everyone is saying I have a snapping vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 993

You deserved it 1 543

Today, I was walking down the train station steps, in no rush, as my train wasn't due to depart for another 10 minutes. I managed to trip down the last 5 steps and break my ankle. Oh, and I got to watch my train drive away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 536

You deserved it 346

Today, as a volunteer tutor, I met up with a girl who needed help with calculus. When I introduced myself, she wrinkled up her face and said, "I'd hoped you'd be hotter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 791

You deserved it 2 782

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of two years is dating another girl. Not only do she and I share the same hair and eye color, but we also happen to have the same first name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 408

You deserved it 426