By Lilica - 13/06/2017 21:00 - Brazil

Spicy
Today, I hooked up with a freshman at a party. No foreplay, just a quickie. The boy was a virgin, had phimosis, and didn't know. He started to bleed and scream, causing everyone from the party to gather around the bathroom door. He left with his dick bleeding and now everyone is saying I have a snapping vagina. FML
I agree, your life sucks 6 963
You deserved it 1 534

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I have a couple of questions: 1) What grade are you in? 2) Is this high school or college? I would understand if it's a freshman in high school, but a freshman in college should be more mature. FYL.

Vagina dentata!!!

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Vagina dentata!!!

Such a wonderful phrase... (h/t to Aerie, author of Queen of Wands)

Ok ok I have to do this now because of what you said: Vagina dentata What a wonderful phrase Vagina dentata Ain't no passing craze It means no fucking For the rest of your days It's a penis free Philosophy Vagina dentata *Takes bow, shielding face for thumbs down*

That was bad, even for me

I have a couple of questions: 1) What grade are you in? 2) Is this high school or college? I would understand if it's a freshman in high school, but a freshman in college should be more mature. FYL.

Why did this submit twice? Oh well. ???????????????

Since when would a college freshman be mature??

He's in college. I thought it would make sense

I'd hardly think anyone who's dick is bleeding for some reason would be "mature".

Im sorry, but i just imagined a vagina snapping turtle and now my mom is wondering if i need help.

Fuck! You made me spray my drink everywhere and choke from laughing!

Well there is a rather obscure slang term for the vagina called a "cooter" which is also a kind of turtle. So a snapping turtle vagina does actually make some sense.

hahahaha this comment tho ???

You could put on a show in Vegas!

Congratulations - you made his first time incredibly memorable!

To save others the google search... "Phimosis: A condition in which the foreskin of the penis is too tight to be pulled back to reveal the glans. This usually causes no problems and nothing needs be done" I can definitely see how not knowing about this could cause issues during sex, ouch!

So the foreskin is choking the penis head? Sounds awful uncomfortable.

It's awefully painful, had the same thing happen to me, not on my first time tho. nevertheless, a scarring experience

Circumcision would essentially cure it.

I guess this could have been avoided if he had used a condom.

what the? No. not considering the facts and not even making a play on the snapping vagina. Condoms don't reduce the stress on the foreskin, neither do they protect against snapping anythings.

Why do you even assume that he didn't?

Please tell me you were both either sober or equally drunk, otherwise this gets a whole lot darker and less amusing.

he obviously wasn't drunk enough from the sound of it.

maybe not exactly snapping, but it has a voracious appetite

Feed me, Seymour!