Love and Intimacy: Today, I went to go surprise my long distance boyfriend at college... - FML

15/02/2018 06:00

Today, I went to go surprise my long distance boyfriend at college 7 hours away. As I opened his apartment door, I saw him on the couch fucking his “study buddy”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 778

You deserved it 561

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Broken heart

Shady dealings

08/11/2011 17:54 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend why it is inappropriate for her to go skinny dipping with her male friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 143

You deserved it 7 414

Zoom call from hell

By low_expectations - 19/08/2020 02:04

Today, I was yelled at by my mom for not communicating to the rest of my family about the zoom call SHE planned and asked for. The call was to celebrate my birthday. Apparently, it was my responsibility to coordinate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 431

You deserved it 89

07/01/2010 16:36 - United Kingdom

Today, for my art project, I spent hours painting my whole body in black spots with acrylic paint. I then went and stood outside in the snow, naked, so I could take pictures of it. Only then to find out the camera was out of batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 618

You deserved it 34 841

27/07/2015 02:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, my long distance boyfriend got angry because I like touching myself while we sext. It "distracts" me from him. I'm sorry you turn me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 209

You deserved it 3 268

Mortified

By Anonymous - 18/11/2020 01:08 - United States - Joplin

Spicy

Today, I bought my first ever vibrator after months of wanting one. Apparently, I bought a cheap product, because it broke and started going off by itself later. It shook my whole dresser while my best friend and I were in the room. I couldn't get it to shut off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 219

05/02/2013 05:24 - United States - Mankato

Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 478

You deserved it 52 290

Christmas shopping

By Anonymous - 26/12/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, my family and I went to the mall. We all split up in a department store to shop for our own clothes. While shopping, I caught my dad feeling up a mannequin in the back corner of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 193

You deserved it 200

31/05/2009 06:46 - United States

Today, the girl I like came over to my house to watch a movie. We had seen pretty much every movie that I suggested, so we ended up watching The Lion King. I forgot how sad that movie is, because once Mufasa died I started bawling my eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 039

You deserved it 25 492

08/12/2010 17:07 - United States

Today, while driving home with my boyfriend, we started discussing how clean our driving records were. I was boasting about how I'd never been in an accident when I hit a moose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 822

You deserved it 34 203

And you like him why exactly?

By Anonymous - 29/10/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, the guy I like happened to be munching on biscuits while he was talking to me. The biscuit crumbs were literally falling out of his mouth like a waterfall as he was speaking and munching. The crumbs were landing in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 481

You deserved it 249

22/11/2009 20:03 - United States

Today, my family sat me down and told me I was spending way too much time with my boyfriend and not enough time with them. My boyfriend has been away in Iraq for six months and just came home a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 623

You deserved it 2 573

The straights are at it again

By Anonymous - 31/10/2019 12:01 - United States

Today, I went on a Grindr date with a really cute guy. I thought things went really well. When he dropped me off at home, he told me not to text him anymore because his wife might get mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 902

You deserved it 286

31/08/2010 14:50 - United States

Today, I heard two of my students having a conversation. One asked what state Arizona was in, and the other replied Canada. I teach sixth grade social studies and they weren't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 785

You deserved it 8 367

28/09/2011 02:18 - Canada

Today, I have come to the point in my life where I need to Google how to stop excessive back sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 503

You deserved it 3 573

01/06/2019 20:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend let it slip that he thinks of my best friend when he masturbates because he like to have the "freedom and variety." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 093

You deserved it 236

25/12/2009 00:36 - United States

Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 228

You deserved it 53 672

17/09/2011 17:21 - United States

Today, my ex girlfriend is sleeping over at my house. At some point while she was preparing to dump me, she became best friends with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 065

You deserved it 2 780

29/06/2011 17:47 - Canada

Today, I had the most exciting dream of my life. I was dreaming about catching a shiny charmander. I'm 15, and instead of dreaming of girls, I'm dreaming of Pokémon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 017

You deserved it 18 321

05/03/2010 03:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to listen to a girl who just came back from the bathroom, talk about the "gigantic massive dump" she took, and even held her hands up to show the size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 154

You deserved it 3 712

14/02/2013 23:00 - United Kingdom - Kilkeel

Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and put on make-up and some lingerie. I walked into the living room, where my husband was playing a video game. He glanced up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 728

You deserved it 8 994

01/03/2011 16:47

Today, during a class, I noticed some racist statements and symbols on a table. While erasing them, I bent down to pick up my dropped pencil. I look back up to see a teacher, and got a suspension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 504

You deserved it 3 718

18/09/2018 15:30

Today, I was finally cast in my high school play. As Violet. The gum chewer who turns into a blueberry. Does my instructor not know I'm a guy? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 496

You deserved it 320

11/07/2013 14:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 575

You deserved it 13 052

14/02/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, I found out that it is never, ever a good idea to put a band-aid of any kind on your penis, because eventually you will have to take it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 969

You deserved it 53 031

18/09/2017 20:00

Today, I dropped my 6-month-old $3,500 guitar. Luckily, it had a one year warranty from the store so I drove back. It was shut down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 727

You deserved it 524

Big boss man

By Anonymous - 26/12/2020 10:58

Today, I have a doctor’s note confirming that I'm high risk for Covid and should only work from home. My boss still demands I come to the office, even though the only person I meet there is the guy who sterilizes the door handles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 217

09/06/2016 03:14

Today, my mom said my boobs are finally getting bigger and that I've finally hit puberty. I'll be celebrating my 31st birthday next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 082

You deserved it 1 086

27/01/2012 22:03 - United States

Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 043

You deserved it 3 895

28/06/2014 20:40 - United States - Oakland

Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent out the invitations she made for my wedding. On them, it says "You are invited to this 'special' event". In the same way, I'm referred to as "special", and my name is misspelled. Hint taken, you bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 052

You deserved it 4 595

09/06/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to give his cat medicine. Unfortunately, it reacted in a way it never had before: clawed his arms to bits, bit him so hard a tooth fell out, peed everywhere, including on me, and pooped on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 107

You deserved it 6 011

27/11/2010 00:23 - United States

Today, I discovered my parents took me to a specialist when I was a baby because they thought I had a facial deformity. It turns out I'm just ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 110

You deserved it 3 129

24/10/2012 09:21 - United States

Today, a cashier asked me if I would like to donate to breast cancer research. Since I have already made my donations this month, I politely declined. The cashier snorted and said, "Maybe you'll feel differently if someone you love got cancer." I'm a two-year survivor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 863

You deserved it 2 429

Priorities

By Anonymous - 09/07/2021 13:01 - United States - Floral Park

Today, my mother flipped out that I spent $20 on a gift for myself for my birthday. Instead of getting a gift for me, she spent $300 on a new vacuum cleaner, and claims that we didn't have enough left in our budget to spend on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 101

15/09/2009 04:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, while talking online with my boyfriend, the conversation turns sexual. He stops responding but I continue with the conversation. Then I get a response: "this is his sister. He fell asleep and I need the computer. I'll tell him you said goodnight, but not that other stuff". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 762

You deserved it 8 012

09/07/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, after buying dinner from the supermarket, I had the change in my hand, and my wallet. In the parking lot, a quarter fell out of my hand, and right next to the street drain. As I went to pick it up, my wallet fell down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 262

You deserved it 11 237

31/01/2011 17:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, my fiancé ended our engagement, saying he wanted to have "one last quickie" for the road. He saw nothing wrong with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 917

You deserved it 4 019

Not now

By Anonymous - 25/02/2013 23:00 - United States - Marlton

Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 416

You deserved it 3 954

21/09/2012 11:31 - France - Halluin

Today, as I was waiting for my girlfriend in the street, I saw a woman who looked a lot like her. I ran towards her, my arms in the air ready to give her a hug, only to realise it wasn't her. I then had to pass the woman, my arms in the air, still running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 692

You deserved it 6 683

25/10/2015 02:33 - United States - North Little Rock

Today, my brother's recent creepy behavior suddenly made sense when I found "How to seduce your sister?" in his browser search history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 495

You deserved it 2 042

13/07/2018 19:00

Today, one day after our 12-year wedding anniversary, which my husband failed to acknowledge, I found a receipt in his pocket for chlamydia testing. We haven't had sex in two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 163

You deserved it 967

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Thursday 15 February 2018 6:41

At least now you get to break up with him in person.

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 15 February 2018 6:37

I never understand why people pull surprises like this. I’m sorry you discovered this, but what if he had innocent plans with friends, or really needed to study? Your “surprise” would have been an unwanted intrusion.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 15 February 2018 6:37

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Ali Alexandrea 16

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Thursday 15 February 2018 12:01

given the date, was probably for valentine's day so not so 'intrusive', mediocre nancy drew.

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 15 February 2018 15:46

Why not arrange a date instead of just “surprising” people?

ScarletteEve 33

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Thursday 15 February 2018 15:58

I know you try to be funny by saying the "different" things, but it really just doesn't work half the time.

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Thursday 15 February 2018 16:26

I actually agree with you. I've never been okay with the whole "surprise" thing. Too much chance that they may already have plans

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 15 February 2018 18:20

ScarletteEve, I wasn't trying to be funny this time. I find this whole surprise thing annoying. I find the prospect of a surprise party horrifying! If your friends and family can conspire behind your back for a fun purpose, they could do it just as easily for a bad one.

Mynxie 26

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Thursday 15 February 2018 18:40

So you bash someone trying to something sweet when she found out her bf is a cheater? You have your priorities backwards.

Aj Castelletto 11

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Thursday 15 February 2018 19:21

surprises can be bad or good depending on the person and how they personally feel about surprises. I think the other person in the relationship is the only one who can determine if it would be a good or bad thing. but either way, while it sucks this happened, at least she found out. now she gets to stop wasting her time on a pig that probably would have never even told her about the infidelity had she not walked in.

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 15 February 2018 23:03

Mynxie, I did no such thing. I just pointed out how some of us find surprises annoying or worse.

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Saturday 17 February 2018 12:45

Agree!

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Thursday 15 February 2018 6:41

At least now you get to break up with him in person.

bigdaddyeric 30

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Thursday 15 February 2018 6:42

Was it another dude or a Female?

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Thursday 15 February 2018 6:52

You’ve clearly never heard of ‘HumanAnatomy 101’

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Thursday 15 February 2018 6:58

How else do you study for sex ed? Reading textbooks or notes? Don't think so.

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Thursday 15 February 2018 7:43

he is not worth it you deserve someone better dump him and hopefully move on in life.

Dave_Davington 33

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Thursday 15 February 2018 8:22

You misspelled "nutty buddy".

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Thursday 15 February 2018 17:15

Keep an open mind, maybe it was their gender studies homework

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Thursday 15 February 2018 20:38

Just another example why long distance relationships almost never work out unless the couple already have an extensive in-person history and the distance is only temporary.

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Friday 16 February 2018 5:57

So *that's* why it turned into a threesome! Porn finally explained!

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 27

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 454