Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and...

By cmerr - 19/3/2009 07:40 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his college and when I walked into the dorm he was lying in his bed with another girl. When he saw me he simply said, "April Fool's!" It's March 19th. FML

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Intimacy

Banished

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Vultures

By feeldumb - 11/6/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I got into an argument with a 7 year old. He said that Obama was the 44th President, I said he was the 42nd. Guess who was right. FML

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By Noname - 24/2/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, my hard drive on my computer crashed with all of my files on it. I took it to my Dad, who is a computer analyst, to see if he could recover anything. The only thing that he could salvage was my illustrious collection of porn. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2013 08:27 - New Zealand - Wainuiomata

Today, I bought my first house, blowing nearly all my savings on the deposit. I had left myself enough for just a couple of necessary bits of furniture. It turns out the previous owner completely stripped the house when he left, taking the oven and even the toilet with him, amongst other things. FML

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By manhandled - 1/2/2012 18:05 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2015 12:53 - United States

Today, my mom was talking about my grandma's approaching death. When she saw I was getting upset, she gave me a weird look and asked me if I was PMSing. FML

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By Partyofthree - 6/6/2017 00:00

Today, I work at a private pool where I can get up to six people in for free. Naturally, I invited my crush. She brought her boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2014 17:03 - United States - Portland

Today, I saw someone purposely drive into someone's garbage can with their car. Trying to be nice, I stopped and started to pick it up. As I did, the owner came out of his house and chased me away with a knife. FML

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By Jem - 11/1/2015 03:02 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was fired for "blatant, inexcusable racism". My boss had asked me which website background I preferred for our company, and I said that white backgrounds are usually best. He thinks that I believe in white supremacy, and that's bad for the company's image. FML

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By OytoBeAfather - 16/5/2012 03:05 - United States - Nesconset

Today, my 20-year-old son's external hard-drive stopped working. He's crying on my shoulder now, not because of the movies, porn, work, or music he probably lost, but because of the now irretrievable complete series of Digimon that he'd collected. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2018 22:00 - United States - Papillion

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me with my best friend. He actually had the balls to say her leg was asleep and he was trying to wake it up. FML

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By letdown13 - 3/4/2013 16:50 - United States - Binghamton

Today, my husband told me to look for a honeymoon resort, since we had to cancel it last year. I looked everything up and got all excited. Just when I asked him for payment information, he said "April Fools!" April Fools was two days ago. FML

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By ValeyFallsAlot - 14/1/2011 14:18

Today, I fell down a flight of stairs. The guy behind me was kind enough to ask if I was okay. He then called his friends over so they could laugh at me. FML

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By ohiochibi - 3/12/2009 19:34 - United States

Today, I posted a note on Facebook about a weird dream I had about my ex-boyfriend, where I made out with him, then it transitioned into a vampires vs. werewolves battle. My ex private messages me and says there's a better chance of a vampires vs. werewolves battle than us ever making out again. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 04:48 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, a one-eyed drunken homeless man followed me around the store I work at, screaming at me because I turned down his sexual advances. My managers and coworkers wouldn't kick him out because they thought it was funny. FML

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By Sonic - 29/3/2019 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss left a lovely invitation to her wedding on my desk. I plan on resigning during our meeting later today. FML

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By shortyybrooke - 24/8/2017 04:30

Today, my wife sat beside me on the ledge of the bathtub because she wanted to make out. I was on the toilet. Shitting. FML

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By hurt - 30/10/2017 08:00 - United States - Boise

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of our differing skin tones. The contrast weirds him out during sex. FML

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By MariadelMar - 19/8/2009 15:03 - United States

Today, I flew 8 hours to visit my boyfriend. When I arrived at the airport, and he started taking long to show up, I checked my email to see the info. I hit the junk mail by accident and found his last 10 emails in there. He had broken up with me a week ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2010 09:36 - United States

Today, was the third day of my camping trip with my "friends". I woke up in my boxers with my hand glued to my forehead. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2019 02:00

Sex Ed has failed a lot of people

Today, a senior girl in my college-level biology course asked our professor what periods are like when you’re pregnant. FML

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By firsttimer69 - 20/3/2009 06:11 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML

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By feeling dusty - 11/3/2018 06:00

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex for the first time in months. We wanted to spice things up by using chocolate sauce during a blowjob, but the chocolate glued his foreskin to his penis and he cried. Safe to say the dry spell continues. FML

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By deathparty352 - 12/10/2019 04:00

Unpleasant, but clean

Today, I'd had enough of the excrement sticking in my butt hair. Now that I'm shaved, I feel my buttocks rubbing together. With every step. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

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By d - 26/3/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, when I was trying to break up with my boyfriend, I told him how I needed space and time to think. His response was, "Ok, we're out of condoms anyway." FML

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By kaybear13 - 5/8/2015 08:39 - United States - San Mateo

Today, I got written up because apparently leaning on the counter at work is unprofessional, even if you're about to pass out and the counter is the only thing keeping you on your feet. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2019 16:00

Early bird special

Today, despite the fact they know I'm commuting hundreds of kilometres, I was requested to come to work at the earliest possible hour, every day. I'll be waking up at half past 3 a.m. and admire sunrises on my way. FML

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By Damn - 6/5/2012 13:53 - Australia

Today, I noticed my nephew has blue eyes, freckles and dimples which don't run in my family or my sister's husband's family, but they do run in my husband's family. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2013 07:01 - United States

Today, I actually considered my boyfriend romantic and deserving of an award when he didn't fart after sex. FML

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By thatoneperson - 17/2/2012 12:43 - United States

Today, I discovered that you can't always assume your little brother is kidding when he says that you have a spider on top of your head. FML

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By iHateWorms - 23/12/2009 03:52 - Australia

Today, while eating a sandwich, I saw a worm. Knowing that my friend always tries to scare me with fake worms and insects, I bit it to show her I knew it was fake. It was real. FML

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By poppet2010 - 17/1/2010 15:58 - France

Today, my uncle died. It was also my grandpa's 85th birthday. His reaction to the death? "Best birthday gift ever!" FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2013 18:39 - United States - East Northport

Today, at soccer tryouts, the coach made us run the entire practice. I ran the whole two hours ahead of everyone. When the tryout ended, I vomited due to dehydration. I didn't make the team. The coach's reasoning: "Only the weak throw up". FML

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By Suzie Leone - 24/1/2012 03:21 - United States

Today, it's "family fun night." We're pulling weeds. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/3/2016 15:36 - United States - Mckinney

Today, my 5-year-old daughter said "Mommy, why doesn't anyone wanna marry you?" I've been asking myself the same question for all too many years. FML

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By Burny - 12/10/2017 16:00

Today, my partner took a shower while in the middle of cooking something. My eyes are still burning from the smoke. FML

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By Seriously_Scaredy_Cat - 27/11/2013 07:08 - United States

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

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By Username - 17/3/2010 00:46 - France

Today, at a debate tournament based on domestic abuse, my partner yells out, "Has anyone considered that maybe the women DESERVED to be beaten?" FML

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By florisvanlent - 12/2/2009 16:17 - Netherlands

Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw my fat friend rubbing his man boobs against my back. FML

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By budgetboss - 8/6/2018 18:30 - United States - Granbury

Today, I got a call that my custom order bridesmaid dress is at the apartment complex I just moved out of. They won’t give it to me because I’m no longer a resident, but they just thought I should know. The wedding’s tomorrow. FML

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Top comments

By lolol182 | 4

#43167 - Thursday 19 March 2009 20:03

dump him?

By missgoober | 0

#43247 - Thursday 19 March 2009 20:25

i don't care if you're in college, high school or married for 30 years. you shouldn't cheat on someone you're in a relationship with.

COMMENTS

By lolol182 | 4

#43167 - Thursday 19 March 2009 20:03

dump him?

trenton95 | 4

#970855 - Tuesday 30 March 2010 4:09

number one Is right

rottentomatoes | 7

#3238859 - Monday 5 September 2011 9:36

March 19th was my birthday!

nic7973 | 23

#4049626 - Saturday 18 February 2012 3:13

dump him...or join in?

GirlOnFire143 | 6

#5122729 - Wednesday 7 November 2012 3:21

March 20 is my birthday!

By tehhotness | 0

#43170 - Thursday 19 March 2009 20:04

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Otto12 | 0

#898078 - Saturday 27 February 2010 19:34

give him a virtual high five. always does the trick

FailVader | 0

#1143793 - Monday 26 July 2010 17:58

how the fuck does he rule? he's a fucking jerk! you know what I hope when I get a girlfriend she cheats on me. she'll be the best girlfriend ever! (sarcasm)

xpopcorn | 0

#1684634 - Friday 12 November 2010 0:57

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

kecke | 1

#5500491 - Tuesday 21 May 2013 5:49

That's messed up dude

Rainhawk94 | 27

#5810134 - Monday 30 December 2014 15:38

The sarcasm in #2's comment couldn't have been more freaking obvious

anon137 | 7

#5842037 - Tuesday 28 January 2014 18:54

You are a fucking asshole!!! Why don't you get a life!

ZeusBeDubsteppin | 24

#5939780 - Friday 9 May 2014 20:23

well you'll die alone.

TrustStolen | 16

#6035613 - Tuesday 12 August 2014 21:49

For what? Cheating?

By omg_18 | 0

#43171 - Thursday 19 March 2009 20:05

he could have played that out much better.

By Offspring_fml | 27

#43176 - Thursday 19 March 2009 20:06

Wow, that really sucks. The only fool there is him. I'd have to say, don't date college boys.

sportcrazychick4 | 7

#4366528 - Saturday 28 April 2012 18:55

My boyfriend and I met in college... Is that bad?

Elovena | 9

#4812201 - Tuesday 14 August 2012 12:46

Yeah..

By effmailyfe | 0

#43181 - Thursday 19 March 2009 20:06

How did you get into his dorm? Do you have a key or something? If he just left his door open, he's even more of an idiot in addition to cheating on you!

By shady_angel | 0

#43193 - Thursday 19 March 2009 20:09

:O omg!!!! what a twat!!!! dumped him i take it... thats what he deserves

By heavyop | 0

#43207 - Thursday 19 March 2009 20:13

Oh, that would suck. But you have to give the man props for a quick response!

By rachel42 | 0

#43210 - Thursday 19 March 2009 20:14

i agree, dump him. but seriously? if you're in college, you shouldn't be surprised. If you aren't in college, don't date someone who is, and welcome to college-life

By fmlplz | 0

#43213 - Thursday 19 March 2009 20:16

Was there room for one more in the bed? If so, I hope you know the proper thing to do in that situation. You just made a new friend.

By allstarplayer324 | 0

#43216 - Thursday 19 March 2009 20:16

yeahh, if your still in high school and hes in college or you go to college farther away...you probably should've expected it unless you were dating for over a year.