Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his...

By datingamoron - United States

Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28240

You deserved it

3958

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Child labor

Generosity

Nice neighborhood

By Anonymous - 18/11/2020 05:03 - United States - Burlington

Themed

Today, I blew Christmas out of my nose. Out of one nostril came thick green mucus, and out of the other, thick red blood. Let the holiday season begin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

751

You deserved it

Favorite

By bbbeast - United Kingdom

Today, my dad asked me if i started smoking, I gave him a big speech about how I never have and never will. Two hours later he finds my stash of cigarettes under my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9967

You deserved it

135913

Favorite

By Hugh_Jankles - United States

Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29172

You deserved it

37166

Favorite

By McFizzy321 - United States - Merritt Island

Today, I went on a cruise. I gave my bags to a porter, and tipped him $5. Later that night, my bags still hadn't arrived at my room, and that's when I realized that I'd paid a fake porter to steal my bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27780

You deserved it

5490

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I paid $60 for a haircut from a professional stylist, only to walk out looking like Spock from Star Trek. The worst part was the stylist asked me, "Hey, are you going to see that new Star Trek movie?" and tried to talk me into watching it. Now, wherever I go, people are giving me the 'live long and prosper' sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58594

You deserved it

9428

Favorite

By john - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, the person I've been sharing my most intimate feelings with finally got bored and let me know I've been texting the wrong number for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29094

You deserved it

4969

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Pocatello

Today, I approached a cute girl at a club, when she started barking at me like a rabid dog. Thinking she might be mentally unhinged, I left, only to see the same girl laughing her ass off with her friends minutes later. When I went back over, her friends started barking at me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29604

You deserved it

6748

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Queen Creek

Today, I dressed up as my friend for Halloween. He has a very distinct style and I thought my costume was pretty clever. When he saw me, he said he had never been so offended in his entire life, and now I feel like a complete asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32462

You deserved it

16436

Favorite

By ireallylikecats - United States

Today, I saw a lady with a stroller in the park. She stopped at the water fountain and got a drink, then left without her baby. I ran to the stroller and started rolling it after her. Two grown men attacked me, accusing me of trying to steal said baby. Turns out it was a baby doll. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32187

You deserved it

2540

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, I was fired from a job I didn't know I had. That is to say, the company hired me but didn't tell me, so when I didn't show up for work two days in a row, they called and claimed job abandonment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5177

You deserved it

268

Favorite

By Kikinovak - France

Today, a driver stole the parking space I was about to pull into. I politely asked him to move. He had a go at me, so I kick his car twice, in front of a few witnesses. The car is fine. I ripped two ligaments in my foot and I'll have a cast for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8034

You deserved it

40998

Favorite

By sicky - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I learned that I have a sinus infection, ear infection and bronchitis so bad it was on the verge of pneumonia. My work won't let me call in sick. I work with kids. Lovely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22274

You deserved it

1373

Favorite

By Glassless

Today, I lost my glasses. I don't have spares but my girlfriend said I could borrow hers. She doesn't understand why this won't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4055

You deserved it

464

Favorite

By Pr unlucky - Australia

Today, I married the woman I love. I wasn't the groom, I was the minister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70393

You deserved it

6639

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Fulton

Today, I might have ruined my co-worker's relationship with her fiancé, with whom I share a name, because we "work together too often" and now he doesn't know who's she's saying during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13998

You deserved it

1072

Favorite

By Poordaughter5 - Germany

Today, my parents watched a horror movie with some creepy child in it. Apparently, I sound just like that kid when I call for my mom, so now she doesn't want me to call her mom anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11042

You deserved it

760

Favorite

By couch girl - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I got harassed and screamed at by a middle-aged man for parking in a spot close to the store, because he wanted the same spot so he didn't have to walk so far with his groceries. He took a photo and vowed to report me to the authorities. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44692

You deserved it

3907

Favorite

By bigbill - Canada

Today, I was presented with a bill for $27,601 by my single, alcoholic, deadbeat father. Why? "For having to raise your goddamn lazy ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39250

You deserved it

3014

Favorite

By Anonymous - Netherlands - Lelystad

Today, I spilled my guts to my girlfriend, saying I'm scared that all I do is upset her. I then had to sit through a speech about how upset she was that I hadn't told her sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25970

You deserved it

4764

Favorite

By ihatemakingnames - United Kingdom - London

Today, I trimmed my ear hair, my nose hair, shaved my hobbit feet, and trimmed the little sprouts that give me a unibrow if left alone. I still can't grow a beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32120

You deserved it

2744

Favorite

By fml1977 - United States

Honest

Today, in the middle of having sex, my girlfriend stopped moaning. I asked what was wrong. She said, "I'm bored." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27225

You deserved it

7941

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/11/2020 08:08 - United States - Bakerville

Thanksgiving 2020 is going to be a doozy

Today, I'm stuck at my minimum wage job, listening to people who make twice as much as me complain that, "they only get the week off for Thanksgiving." FML

I agree, your life sucks

833

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Goldendale

Today, I walked into my room, only to find my 15-year-old brother violating my old teddy bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27414

You deserved it

1935

Favorite

By raesos91 - United States - Houston

Today, I decided to look for the horrid stench coming from my bathroom. It turns out my roommate has been throwing away her used tampons in the "trashcan by the sink." That "trashcan" is my old antique vase. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28727

You deserved it

2798

Favorite

By BeautifulDisastre - United States

Today, I drove the six hours to LA to attend my Uncle's birthday party. When I tried to get off at the exit, it took me two hours just to get onto the street where the club was. By the time I showed up, the party was already over, so I ended up going to a Denny's. I drove eight hours for a Denny's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29405

You deserved it

4735

Favorite

By Fox - United States

Today, while driving extremely fast on a road in the middle of nowhere, I started to go down a hill. Noticing a police car at the bottom, I slammed my brakes and blew a tire in the process. It turns out the police car was an old cutout used to trick people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12325

You deserved it

57443

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bridgwater

Today, I sent an email to my boss saying I'd fixed a glitch in our mail servers. He called me later, angrily shouting that I'd done a piss-poor job of fixing it, because my email had spammed his inbox with several hundred duplicate messages. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20756

You deserved it

11265

Favorite

By Benjamin - United States

Today, a coworker thought it would be funny to put a tack on my chair. When I sat down, it went directly into my butt. When I sprang up, I hit my head on a lamp. I then hit my head on my desk on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35686

You deserved it

3027

Favorite

By Kimberly - France

Today, I realized that I lie to my friends online and go "offline" for hours at a time so it appears that I have a life outside of the internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14035

You deserved it

34980

Favorite

By Florida - United States

Today, my husband informed me that his father adopted a dog. I replied "Cool," he then said, "She happens to have your name." I think my father in law is trying to send me a message. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27030

You deserved it

2926

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Glen Allen

Today, my little sister was being picked on by some kids. After seeing one push her, I went over to talk to them about how bullying isn't cool and how they need to play nice. They beat me up. I'm 22 years old and got beat up by a group of 10 year olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45668

You deserved it

15519

Favorite

By Going to work naked tomorrow - United Kingdom - Northallerton

Today I remembered to put my work uniform in the wash; as I hit start I got an email notification. My landlord confirmed that the engineer will be out to fix the washing machine tomorrow after my housemate reported it as broken. My clothes are locked in the machine that now won't turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2119

You deserved it

200

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/4/2020 08:00

Poisoned chalice

Today, I inherited a lot of money from a great aunt that I had forgotten about. Her immediate family are all scumbags who were only after her money, so she willed it to me and my mom to say "fuck you" to them from beyond the grave. Now I keep getting threatening phone calls. Thanks auntie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1871

You deserved it

268

Favorite

By jess - South Africa

Today, I had a sip of my coffee and felt a lump of some kind enter my mouth. I thought it was a bit of biscuit, and then remembered I didn't have biscuits this morning with my coffee. I took it out of my mouth and it was a huge black fly. I then spat the rest of my coffee all over my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29930

You deserved it

4655

Favorite

By Bubbah - United States

Today, I was working my job as the person who checks people in at the gym. A sweaty chubby woman came up to me complaining about how our staff seems so fit. I replied with "we like to hire people who have bodies that motivate our clients!" She gave a blank stare, then said "so how did you get the job?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

60766

You deserved it

14985

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I orgasmed in front of someone for the first time. Too bad it was my dad who didn't knock before coming in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40360

You deserved it

6567

Favorite

By SN MetalMilitia - 3/11/2020 05:02

Make believe

Today, I once again bought condoms at the gas station to make the people who work there think that I have a sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

344

You deserved it

1042

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, my portfolio manager called me and said he had invested all of my retirement in Circuit City. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37643

You deserved it

3089

Favorite

By slugitha - United States

Today, I was awoken by a slug crawling down my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19318

You deserved it

1827

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/1/2020 01:00 - Sweden - ?ngelholm

One night

Today, I woke up from putting my child to bed. Drowsy, I stumbled down to the kitchen to make a mug cookie. I read a recipe on my phone, and put a knob of butter in a cup to melt in the microwave. I put my phone in the microwave and turned it on for 30 seconds, and didn't realize until I smelt burning plastic.. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1726

You deserved it

823

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By cynthiaaah | 4

#2082672 - Monday 14 February 2011 16:05

why would he announce his pin number out loud...

By skyeyez9 | 24

#2082686 - Monday 14 February 2011 16:13

At least his "fart" paid for dinner.

COMMENTS

By saywhaaat_01 | 0

#2082671 - Monday 14 February 2011 16:05

hahahahahahaha

By cynthiaaah | 4

#2082672 - Monday 14 February 2011 16:05

why would he announce his pin number out loud...

yomamasmama | 0

#2082707 - Monday 14 February 2011 16:24

foreal! how stupid is her boyfriend..

bariforlife | 0

#2083065 - Monday 14 February 2011 19:24

ur bf is a dumbass unless he was sayn tht as a joke to embarrass you in which case its still FYL

flamegrilled123 | 3

#2083201 - Monday 14 February 2011 20:41

2178?

therealdavid | 0

#2083238 - Monday 14 February 2011 21:04

How I read it was he only shouted "Fart".

laxgirl3 | 0

#2083353 - Monday 14 February 2011 22:10

no 3278

FunnyGuy5051 | 7

#2084005 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 2:01

why would she re say it online?

firecapez | 4

#2084087 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 2:34

Because, we don't know who she is, let alone who her boyfriend is.

dudeitsdanny | 9

#2084339 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 4:14

Amoron
Her name says she's dating Amoron.
We find Amoron, we've got his money. There can't be that many Amorons, right?

I'll search Spokane and Yakima.. You guys split up the rest of Washington. We WILL find Amoron.

Okay, I'm done.