Today, I went on a date. I went to the bathroom for five minutes and returned to find my date had not only left, but poured ketchup all over our food to ruin it. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I went on a date with a fun, attractive girl. She ordered off the kid's menu, drowned her food in ketchup, and said my burger with blue cheese and bacon was disgusting. FML
Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a restaurant we both like. By the end of the date, we were fighting and she angrily broke up with me. To make things worse, I got food poisoning. She didn't. FML
Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML
Today, at the movies on a date, I drank all my soda and waited too long. I couldn't take it anymore and quickly got up, knocking my date's popcorn on the floor, and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t make it and went home in shame. It’s better he thinks I stood him up. FML
Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML
Today, I went on a first date at an Italian restaurant. I was leaning in as my date told a story when my fork snapped a meatball in half. The sauce launched across the table and landed directly on his shirt, meat red against crisp white. I spent the rest of the meal staring at the stain, so I'm not sure there will be a date two. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
Did you do something to upset them, like ordering meat even though they're vegan, or are they just nuts? Oh wait... same thing...
acmariner99 25
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say it isn’t going to work out.
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Comments (21)
VanTufty 13
You went to the bathroom for 5 minutes on a first date?! 5 minutes!!!!
Rabite 28
How long is the appropiate amount of time to spend in the bathroom on a date?
BeefyQueefy 14
Under no cicumstances is it ok to go take a casual shit in the middle of a date
Rabite 28
I don't think you can ruin something with ketchup. Except for pasta. Did you have pasta?
BeefyQueefy 14
Maybe it's because you think it's ok to go take a dump in the middle of a meal??
Taurus_ChicKa 37
It's illegal to date children, you know...