Stick hot mess

Today, I went to a job interview and, feeling nervous, accidentally knocked over the interviewer's Mountain Dew. Trying to recover, I blurted out, "Don't worry, I'm used to cleaning up messes." The awkward silence that followed made it clear I wouldn't be cleaning up anything in their office. FML

Today, a job candidate I was interviewing took a drink of water, and let it dribble down her chin and shirt while making fixed eye contact with me. FML

Today, I had a job interview with a man that I got drunk with at a bar on Saturday night. He spent an hour telling me things I did that I don't even remember. FML

Boozy

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. Things were going well, the lady was about to offer me the job, but then I got the hiccups. She immediately changed her tone and said, “Yeah, I think we’re done here. Next time, don’t show up to a job interview drunk.” I had no alcohol in my system. FML

Honest

Today, I had a job interview that I really wanted to nail. Everything was great until the interviewer asked me why I left my last job. I meant to say, "I felt it was time for a new challenge," but instead I said, "I felt tired of pretending to care." The look on their face was priceless. Needless to say, but I don't think I'll get the job. FML

Today, I went to my first ever job interview, in a totally stressed out state. The employer's first question was: "What's your name?" I forgot. FML

Double take

Today, I walked into a job interview, then turned round and walked back out again. The interviewer was a one-night stand that ended very badly months ago, and she remembered me. I could see in her face the interview was pointless, so instead of grovelling I went to the pub to drown my sorrows. FML

Am I hired?

Today, I had a job interview. As I walked in, I confidently shook the interviewer's hand, only to say, "I'm doing well, how are you?" before she'd even asked me how I was, or even said anything. The rest of the interview was pretty much a blur of awkwardness. FML

Brain freeze

Today, I finally got an interview with my dream company. Everything went perfectly until the interviewer asked if I had any questions. I tried to say, "What do you enjoy most about working here?" Instead, I somehow asked, "Why do you still work here?" FML

Today, I walked into a liquor store and thought about inquiring for a job application. After seeing the cashier, I thought about inquiring if she was single. After accidentally breaking three bottles of liquor, I didn't do either. I left the store, still single and unemployed. FML