Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when I saw a guy in front of me trip and fall forwards, and I quickly jumped forward to steady him. Apparently he thought he was being mugged, and threw his head backwards into my face, leaving my nose a bloody mess. FML
Today, I woke up in the hospital with a mild concussion, a sprained neck, and a broken shoulder. How did this happen? Earlier, I ran into the guy I used to bully all throughout school. Once his wife realized who I was, she piledrived me. FML
Today, I was at a baseball game. I was eating my nachos when all of a sudden I woke up in the hospital, with my dad sitting next to the bed. Apparently, I was hit with a foul ball. He kept the ball for himself. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML
Today, a drunk in a wheelchair tried to fight me. I walked away as he kept hurling insults. He then rammed his chair into my legs, making me fall. I walked away again. Upon the second time, I got up and punched him dead in his face, knocking him backward. I was tackled to the ground for hitting him. FML
Today, I parked, then opened my car door to get out, and somehow managed to practically knock myself out by banging my head on the frame, then on the car door that had slammed back into my forehead as I was still reeling from hitting the roof. A guy walking by asked if I was okay while trying not to laugh. FML
Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my father over top of me saying, "Nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burglar and he knocked me out. FML
Today, I was hit in the head by a golf ball. I wasn't near a golf course, and nobody was anywhere in sight. I'm still trying to figure out what happened. FML
Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML
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Top comments
vipirius 18
People blaming their actions on being drunk and refusing to take responsibility pisses me off so much. I hope you didn't just let it go OP.
Arjunt 5
Sorry OP :(. Hope you feel better
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Comments (101)
raphanne_fml 33
I don't understand what happens inside the head of some people. How could "Hey! I'm feeling bored today. How about I go around smashing some skulls to pass the time?" make sense to anyone with more than two functioning brain cells? How could this sound like a remotely good idea to anyone?
Omniprism 15
Holy **** you could have died. Sue the sob.
ZoroMiHawk 25
You're lucky you're not dead. Don't let him get away with it, sue him.
perhapskelly 6
That's some GTA shit.
benkubie 2
That's so stupid!
BobbieH 19
If you were walking "in" the street I'd probably hit you too. No alcohol involved. You may have the right of way as a pedestrian but you cannot obstruct traffic. Honestly though that's ridiculous, it should not be something that happens now.
magiczebra 9
Reading comprehension goes a long way. OP wasn't in the street obstructing traffic. They weren't hit by a car. They were whacked in the head with a baseball bat by some drunk asshat. OP is no way at fault.
Sigilwen 24
Even if op was in the street you can not just hit them with a bat. That's assault.
Fas4wd 13
****!!!!
mkayden 23
Get well soon OP!
Demonface54 20
I smell a lawsuit.
orsombre_fml 11
Press charges. That moron needs to be stopped.