Today, I was walking around my block when a random stranger pulled...

By B-377 - 23/10/2018 11:30 - United States - Sarver

Today, I was walking around my block when a random stranger pulled up next to me. He assumed I was a woman, and started catcalling me. I'm a 34-year-old man with a wife and kids, and my hair isn't even long. FML

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By Lespoon - 25/2/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, my mom drove my family to the desert for a themed family photo. We had to wear big frumpy old western-looking clothes in 115 degree weather. Hot and agitated, I muttered, "This is the ugliest thing I've ever had to wear." My mom, looking hurt, replied, "That's my wedding dress." FML

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By Oreo - 10/5/2016 08:58

Today, my dad and stepmom came back from a very expensive two-month trip across the world. When they got home, they had more gifts for their cat than for me. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2020 20:00

Oh, hai!

Today, sleeping in a little late, I was woken up by my phone. Still tired, I quickly checked the display to realize it's my girlfriend calling. I pick up the phone saying, "Hey baby girl!" She seemed pretty startled, so I double-checked and realized it was my new boss, who has the name as my girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2014 15:36 - Afghanistan - Kabul

Today, thinking we'd still be able to finish our project in time for tomorrow's deadline, my work group put off doing any work until today. When we logged into the website we have to use, we found it was down for maintenance all day. FML

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By massachusettsan - 25/6/2014 00:07 - United States - Monomoy Island

Today, I got the same feeling in my chest when I orgasmed as when I hit a hard section in Guitar Hero. FML

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By goingdownhillfast - 12/4/2017 02:00

Today, after getting her "out-of-office" email, I realized that my coworker is on vacation this week. We're doing our final presentation for a major project on Thursday, and she hasn't finished her part. I guess I won't be sleeping this week. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/5/2017 00:00

Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML

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By Sursion - 12/11/2009 17:34 - Canada

Today, I was talking to a friend of mine over webcam, when I saw a scary looking man in a grey hoodie creeping around in the background. I loudly proclaimed "Paige! Who is that creepy looking guy behind you?" Turns out it was her mom. She heard everything. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2019 06:06

The old switcheroo

Today, I was unable to go on my dream vacation because I thought I'd lost my passport. Feeling incredibly stupid, I had no choice but to watch my plane depart without me. Shortly after, my brother handed me passport, saying that since I wasn't going on my trip, I could use my refund to pay for his cat's surgery. My trip was non-refundable. FML

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By veggiedude - 8/5/2014 03:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML

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By Daddy - 19/8/2016 14:55 - United States - Hialeah

Today, I discovered an effective form of body hair removal. I discovered that my three-year-old daughter is strong enough to pull off a major clump of my leg hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2020 05:00

Stained

Today, I found out that my wife's dog had peed on my side of the bed, while I was sleeping. I thought I had just drooled in my sleep, until I noticed it had turned yellow during the day. FML

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By monster1109 - 10/8/2015 15:51 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I got into the shower with my glasses on by mistake. I spent 5 minutes convinced that the fog in my vision was me going blind. FML

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By Lala - 8/12/2015 08:30 - United States - Denver

Today, a guy for whom I did a design job told me he would only be able to pay me in 3 weeks. I told him that it was OK, as long as I didn't have to follow him around to collect my money. "Don't worry, I know the feeling," he said, "I used to run an illegal business." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2015 22:46 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, it's my 40th birthday. I got two presents by mail: a jar of wrinkle cream from a market research company, and an ad from a funeral home. FML

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By ugly - 11/6/2012 12:01 - Australia

Today, I was telling my best friend that I was feeling unattractive, and that I never get asked out. As she was trying to make me feel better, we were interrupted by a stranger trying to hit on her. FML

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By f - 31/1/2011 05:47

Today, I was attacked by my dad because I got my hair dyed and he thought I was a robber. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 09:34 - United States

Today, I had a headache when I woke up for school. I had final exams that day, so I took what I thought were 2 advils. They were two sleeping pills. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2009 02:52 - United States

Today, I parked my car on the street to go to the gym. When I came back my car was blocked by a parade of people. I turned to a shop worker smoking a cigarette and said "Jesus! What the hell is going on?" I got many strange looks. It was a Good Friday parade lead by a local church. FML

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By TMI - 20/4/2009 17:12 - United States

Today, I was emailing my professor about what chapters our test is on this afternoon. She accidentally emailed me informing me of the date she went on last night, including that she "got laid... yay!!" and a picture. I still don't know what chapters I'm being tested on. FML

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By traumatized - 18/6/2009 05:26 - United States

Today, I was at the mall with some friends. In the food court we passed by this creepy pervert feeling up a woman. I take a closer look and realize with horror that the guy is my dad in sunglasses and a hat. The lady he was with was not my mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2011 16:23 - United States

Today, while watching a man in front of me on the bus remove his cap to scratch his noggin, I noticed the swarm of dandruff that was about to nail me in my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2015 15:40 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, despite having a stomach bug, I went into work, as my boss is overseas and had warned me not to take any sick leave until she returned. After 4 hours and vomiting twice, I left. She found out and sent me an email bitching me out for coming in sick. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2013 00:28 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I learned my dog had eaten a roll of vet wrap, which is like a long strip of bandage. I learned this when she tried to pass it in the yard today, and could only do so with my help. It seemed to never end. FML

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By grossedout - 29/8/2013 16:26 - United States - Endicott

Today, I actually had to explain to my husband why his habit of wiping his boogers off into our baby's hair has to stop. FML

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By FreeToFly3733 - 19/8/2010 11:25 - Canada

Today, I finally found my cellphone when I heard WHACKWHACKWHACK inside the washing machine. FML

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By myfavoritesgouda - 24/6/2013 05:20 - United States - Manhasset

Today, my boss gave me an autographed photo of himself after he heard that I think he's intimidatingly attractive. FML

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By why yes, I do mean "ex-boyfriend" - 17/8/2013 22:40 - Netherlands - Oosterwolde

Today, I got sent home early because a large fire broke out at work. I was greeted by the sight of my cocktard of a "boyfriend" making out on my sofa with another woman. He actually had the audacity and brass balls to claim he thought she was me. FML

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By failfailfail - 30/9/2009 13:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a big exam. 20 minutes in I could feel people turning round looking at me. I ignored them at first, but towards the one hour mark it got more distracting. I stood up and yelled "Why's everyone staring at me!" I got kicked out. Turns out I was seated directly in front of the clock. FML

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By schooyou101 - 17/11/2012 13:34 - United States - Prairie Village

Today, my crush finally agreed to spend the night with me. I told my parents to act normal for one night. Apparently, "normal" is strutting around naked and acting like a chicken. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2011 01:11 - United States

Today, I wrote "I love you" on my girlfriend's Facebook wall. She completely freaked out and accused me of being "too clingy" and that I'm starting to feel more like a stalker than a boyfriend. FML

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By elsatheannoyed - 12/11/2014 04:34 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman. My name is Elsa. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2015 18:23 - United States - Cheyenne

Today, I was making out with a girl I've liked for a long time. At one point she stopped kissing me and said, "You kiss like my brother". I sat there dumbstruck as she went back to kissing me. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I got an invitation to my ex-boyfriend's wedding. We broke up because "he didn't believe in marriage." FML

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By ugh - 14/6/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML

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By YahItsMe94 - 25/6/2009 07:20 - United States

Today, was my first day back at work since my wife got breast cancer. I come in and see some people with pink slips and frowns. When I get to my desk I find a pink slip, I go up to my boss and start to curse him out for firing me. Only to find out my pink slip was a fundraiser for my wife. FML

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By nosleeptilpissoff - 18/3/2011 15:54 - United States

Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I mean whenever I go in another room and shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try and break down the door. It's fun trying to sleep too. FML

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By ninnang - 9/7/2014 21:37 - United States - Honolulu

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

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By Noname - 19/2/2009 16:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me from a payphone because he lost his phone at the airport. When I texted his phone to get a response from someone who stole it [because it was still on whenever I called], I received a message back saying, "Love the pics. Send more ;]" FML

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By WaitingByThePhone - 9/7/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I got excited when my cell phone lit up because I hadn't received a single phone call all day. Turns out it was the "low battery" indicator. FML

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Top comments

By delude | 26

#7712872 - Tuesday 23 October 2018 18:02

Maybe he’s into dudes

By RichardPencil | 28

#7712880 - Tuesday 23 October 2018 18:17

Maybe he was just warming up his catcalling muscles before he drove downtown to do it on real women.

COMMENTS

By delude | 26

#7712872 - Tuesday 23 October 2018 18:02

Maybe he’s into dudes

By RichardPencil | 28

#7712880 - Tuesday 23 October 2018 18:17

Maybe he was just warming up his catcalling muscles before he drove downtown to do it on real women.

By melisssa87 | 30

#7712883 - Tuesday 23 October 2018 18:24

I bet you have great legs, men usually have nicer legs than women

RichardPencil | 28

#7712910 - Tuesday 23 October 2018 19:19

I do! It's too bad that short shorts for men went out of style. I'd be very popular with the ladies if I could show off my great gams.

Rabite | 28

#7712947 - Tuesday 23 October 2018 20:55

Normally they just have shorter legs.

melisssa87 | 30

#7713411 - Wednesday 24 October 2018 19:19

Well the 80s is coming back so you can wear your short shorts again

By Shawnie Gallant | 24

#7712886 - Tuesday 23 October 2018 18:28

He could be gay

By purplepixie23 | 15

#7712905 - Tuesday 23 October 2018 19:05

You must have shed all your baby weight well

By Phillycheeze | 20

#7712926 - Tuesday 23 October 2018 20:04

Maybe the guy is into crossing the streams...

By Venom1999 | 19

#7712939 - Tuesday 23 October 2018 20:33

Sounds like an FML for him as well given how embarrassing that must have been.

Rabite | 28

#7712948 - Tuesday 23 October 2018 20:56

Wouldn't be less embarassing for him if he was a woman.

By mssileas | 25

#7713102 - Wednesday 24 October 2018 7:13

So it would have been fine if he had catcalled a woman? "Excuse me, Sir, please wait until my wife comes strolling down here and kindly harass her, instead of me, a fellow male!"

By SAMPLETEXT96 | 4

#7715180 - Sunday 28 October 2018 2:30

My man he might be gay

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7715448 - Sunday 28 October 2018 18:00

Maybe it wasn't your hair he was looking at.