Work: Today, I was the DJ for a company party that was supposed to...

By sleepy - 03/12/2016 09:54 - United States - Grand Forks

Today, I was the DJ for a company party that was supposed to end at 11 p.m. The company ended up wanting music late and my boss made me stay there until they got tired, which ended up being 3 a.m. I start work at my other job at 7 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 518

You deserved it 987

Work

Empathy lives

Free healthcare for all

Know your equipment

By moresexperience - 11/09/2009 12:26 - United States

Today, I had dinner with my girlfriend of five months along with my mom and dad. Everything was going fine until my mom asked aloud "Everything going smooth for you in the bedroom?" to which my girlfriend replied "No." I was painting the master bedroom at my parent's house for some extra cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 123

You deserved it 4 246

By sunshine - 29/06/2017 02:00

Today, I saw my uncle after six months. The first thing he says to me is, 'I didn't even recognize you! You've gained so much weight.' Gee thanks uncle. Just what I wanted to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 813

You deserved it 900

By grammarnazi-forareason - 03/07/2013 06:48 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I had the questionable honor of explaining the difference between "your" and "you're" to my boss, and very diplomatically make her see why her poor grasp of language could affect our credibility as a communication agency. I'm Swedish, and English is my third language. She's American. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 531

You deserved it 3 737

By Anonymous - 15/07/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to shower, his mother slams a pair of underwear on the table and tells me that if she ever finds something like that in her son's room again, she is forbidding him from seeing me. The underwear isn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 675

You deserved it 2 608

By Anonymous - 17/07/2012 13:54 - Greece - Athens

Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 242

You deserved it 5 708

By EB - 06/11/2012 01:01 - United States

Today, I'm so broke, I asked my parents if they'd pay for me to go to the eye doctor and consider it my Christmas present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 070

You deserved it 2 400

By Madi - 30/11/2011 17:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend discovered that I fart when I'm tickled enough. The best part was when he decided to show his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 632

You deserved it 3 592

By Anonymous - 13/08/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I went to the eye doctor. He tells me that I've developed a severe allergy to contact lenses and must stop wearing them immediately. It wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't just visited him a week earlier, paid for a new prescription and ordered a year's worth of brand new lenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 605

You deserved it 3 987

By Anonymous - 31/07/2015 18:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was changing my clothes with my dog in the room. As I took off my shirt, he looked at me, ran into the corner, and threw up. Well that's a confidence booster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 628

You deserved it 2 779

By GoldenShower - 25/06/2009 10:17 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my son squirting liquid on me from a bottle. We have a high deer population in our area, so I spray urine contained in black bottle on my plants to help deter the deer from eating them. I also water my flowers with water from a blue bottle. My son used the black one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 886

You deserved it 8 061

By Anonymous - 08/11/2018 22:00

Today, my landlord sent me a text asking me to please keep it down because our loud Wednesday night sex sessions are disturbing other tenants in the building. Wednesday is my night shift every week so my wife is home alone, or at least I thought she was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 207

You deserved it 262

Manic pixie dream girl

By now what - 13/07/2021 11:01 - United States

Today, I took my daughter to get the expensive pixie cut she’s been "dying" for. As soon as we got home, my husband burst into hysterical laughter and pointed out that she looks exactly like he did in high school. Now she’s sobbing and begging for either a wig or even more expensive extensions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 189

This is America

By ChiefKoala - 20/10/2019 22:00

Today, it will be the third time since moving to this area that I will have to call out of work because of gunshots heard nearby, police looking for someone and advising us to stay indoors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 210

Make it stop

By Anonymous - 04/01/2022 20:01 - United States

Today, after years of trying, my husband and I did IVF, fertilized 5 eggs, and the whole process was really rough. Now, a year after giving birth to our daughter, my husband wants to use another egg, but I don’t want to go through that all again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 139

By Anonymous - 09/09/2010 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 485

You deserved it 4 462

By carsuck - 11/11/2009 05:55 - United States

Today, I woke up at 6:00 am to the sound of somebody laying on their horn outside my apartment. I ran outside to yell at them only to find out it was my car. The horn was shortcircuting. All my neighbors stood on their porch laughing as I repeatedly punched my steering wheel to make it stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 300

You deserved it 4 143

By soldnone - 18/11/2012 10:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had a booth at a very expensive craft show. My grandma came to show her support. While there, she managed to knock over my display, get in the way of potential buyers and take down a rather old lady when she supposedly stumbled. This all happened in the first five minutes she was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 407

You deserved it 1 969

Alexa, play "People = Shit" by Slipknot

By Faktafem - 19/06/2019 23:55

Today, I went to use one of the toilets at work, where once again someone had not flushed their poo. I work at an institute for higher education, and this happens on a weekly basis, even during the summer when no students are around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 96

By ohhhemmgee - 06/09/2012 06:39 - United States - Reno

Today, I locked myself out of the house I was house-sitting. An hour later, and my fifth attempt at climbing the fence, I figured I'd try the door one more time. Turns out I was turning the handle the wrong way and the door wasn't locked in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 748

You deserved it 29 345

By whattheshit - 26/11/2009 14:19 - United States

Today, I woke up early. As I was just about to fall back asleep, I was re-awoken to the sound of my parents doing it in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 141

You deserved it 2 360

By ambrosia - 16/08/2019 00:01

Today, I saw my boyfriend cutting the crusts off his peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He’s 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 1 800

By horribletimeeverywhere74747 - 11/04/2018 13:00 - United States - Navarre

Today, the girl who'd asked me to prom told me she assumed we weren't going together and is now going with her friends. After agreeing to go with her, I'd bought a $200 non-refundable suit along with the ticket. I have no one else to go with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 496

You deserved it 365

By GuardOtto - 22/07/2010 14:48 - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I saw someone in the wave-pool who appeared to be drowning. So, I jumped in to attempt to save him. Turns out he wasn't drowning, he only had one arm. He yelled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 044

You deserved it 4 806

By WPA2 OR DEATH - 07/12/2012 21:49 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, my dad got a warning from our ISP for going well over their fair usage limit. I barely use our wifi, and I keep telling him he should password-protect our router to stop people leeching our Internet. He's blaming me anyway, and says I'm grounded until January. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 638

You deserved it 1 972

By Anonymous - 14/09/2009 22:22 - United States

Today, during a major fight with my boyfriend, I threw a necklace he had given me out the window, thinking it was just a cheap trinket. He then told me, for the first time, that that necklace had belonged to his now deceased grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 948

You deserved it 91 825

Delusional

By sealpop09 - 30/06/2011 14:36 - United States

Today, my dad gave me a speech about being gay. He said he'll accept me if that's who I truly am, but he wants me to think it over first. I'm an actor in a play. I had to explain the concept of wearing costumes and acting like someone else to him. For the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 998

You deserved it 4 219

By screwyoucompany - 19/05/2017 20:00

Today, I had a job interview. I was almost late due to road closure and being blocked in my street by the trash truck. The "interview" turned out to be a hiring fair, with lots of other people. I had to wait outside for 3 hours in the sun with no shade, water or food. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 382

You deserved it 341

By Anonymous - 02/12/2015 10:41 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, after working my ass off for months trying to prove myself, I received an email from my boss regarding the end-year function. Excited to be invited, I opened the email just to see I'm the only one being left behind to answer the phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 290

You deserved it 1 614

By Anonymous - 30/12/2015 15:21 - Canada - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 986

You deserved it 5 481

By Emily S - 09/10/2011 05:17 - Australia

Today, I let a guy I like look at my phone. A second later I remembered I had a secret copy of his Facebook profile picture on there to show a friend what he looked like. I was forced to tackle him to get my phone back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 292

You deserved it 40 312

By badbestfriend - 04/08/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I took my best friend out for a night in town, after he got dumped by his girlfriend recently. As we were walking around, we passed a group of hot women, a couple who were checking him out. Trying to be encouraging, I said "He's single!" and winked. One of the girls was his ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 183

You deserved it 9 974

By anonymous - 10/01/2010 05:55 - United States

Today, I was in agonizing pain and couldn't move. My parents said they couldn't take me to the ER until the football game on TV was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 836

You deserved it 3 313

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 09:19 - Australia

Today, after moving house, changing my number, my email, and beginning legal action to get away from a girl who was stalking me, I decided to go to the movies to relax. As soon as I got in my seat, that same girl walked into the nearly empty theatre. She sat next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 674

You deserved it 3 151

By I_Has_A_Fishy - 10/07/2012 19:33 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 625

You deserved it 3 446

By in this day and age.... - 27/03/2016 16:53 - United States - Dallas

Today, the first words I heard from my "good, Christian" future mother-in-law included a salvo of curse words and a hushed rant about "them dirty Jews". I'm culturally Jewish. This bodes well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 039

You deserved it 1 783

By Anonymous - 12/06/2013 16:27 - United States - Spanaway

Today, at my wedding, the minister forgot to skip the "does anyone object?" part. My mother stood up and gave a lengthy reason, which caused my future in-laws to start shouting. It turned into a small riot, and no, we're not married now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 927

You deserved it 3 905

By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 03:39 - United States

Today, my cousin got hired after six days of job-hunting. I graduated from university six months ago and haven't even scored a single interview; he's a deadbeat junkie who just got out of prison after doing time for armed robbery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 821

You deserved it 2 820

By Kyle - 03/12/2013 06:09 - United States - Seattle

Today, I set up a motion-activated sprinkler to drench the neighborhood kids who have been ding dong ditching me for years. Because they cannot get close enough to ring the doorbell, they decided to start egging me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 252

You deserved it 6 937

By ImilkedYourMom - 03/05/2016 13:31 - United States - Bronx

Today, after a 14-mile bike tour in Chicago, I got rug burn on my inner thighs. Having the hostel room all by myself for the last couple of days, I got naked and let the air conditioner cool me off. I then had to explain to my roommate that walked in on me that I seriously was not jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 317

You deserved it 2 064

No more bukkake for you

By Anonymous - 29/10/2020 23:02

Today, I was rushed to the emergency room for severe facial rashes. My boyfriend and I then found out I'm allergic to seminal fluid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 214

You deserved it 169

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Top comments

False_Stupidity 41

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 5:05

Is your boss aware that you work two jobs? If so, that's a bit of an arsehole move from him. I recommend coffee, lots of coffee as well as red bull.

Tripartita 44

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 5:20

Did you ever consider that you weren't hired to play music and only got the job because of your D-cups and Junior-size underwear? I hear that's how they name things now…

False_Stupidity 41

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 5:05

Is your boss aware that you work two jobs? If so, that's a bit of an arsehole move from him. I recommend coffee, lots of coffee as well as red bull.

Namenlos_fml 20

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Thursday 8 December 2016 9:10

Second jobs can be a touchy subject for some bosses. I wouldn't be surprised if OP didn't say anything about the other job

devinaww 15

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 5:07

You are in high deemand :)

Welshite 39

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 5:10

You're a DJ, so I'm sure you can find inspiration in music. Maybe "Wake Me Up" by Avicii, or "Hawaii (Stay Awake)" by Waterparks.

Tripartita 44

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 5:20

Did you ever consider that you weren't hired to play music and only got the job because of your D-cups and Junior-size underwear? I hear that's how they name things now…

Ultimate_Batman 28

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 5:50

Sounds like you need a new job OP

iamscott 16

Tuesday 6 December 2016 6:30

Been there do that. The entertainment life is a bitch.

kangx1 28

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 6:47

Sadly staying up late is a regular occurrence in a college kids life.. Poor you OP I know how you feel

mezochan 29

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 14:04

And never sleeping is a regular occurrence in a new parents life. But, those are all things we choose to do. OP had no choice in this matter if they wanted to get paid. Pretty sure their situation is worse.

engel2882 3

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 14:10

But 1) not getting up early and 2) sitting in a class is not as demanding as the average job

brooklyn0118 22

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 7:00

Coffee, coffee and more coffee! Hope you make it through the day!

leafaye 14

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Tuesday 6 December 2016 7:46

Hope you got OT

funnypossum 0

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Wednesday 7 December 2016 3:31

Come on.. Man up a little bit ! During winter I work on the snow removal team for the city.I start at 7pm and often end my shift at 10am and start over at 7pm until 10 am for 5 days straight.I love it ! No time to be sad,depress or anything else.Work,eat,sleep.Repeat You add a few dozen coffees and monster energy and everything is fine.

soullyfe 33

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Wednesday 7 December 2016 3:40

12: You're really comparing a 9 hour time gap to a 4 hour one? That gives you enough time to sleep, eat, change, etc in between compared to the OP.

Fmlreadermostly 20

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Wednesday 7 December 2016 6:05

Not everyone can do that. I was never able to work 2 jobs because of how my body hates me. Sleep disorders suck, really. Just because someone can't do what you do, doesn't mean you should belittle them. Maybe you should learn that aspect of being a man.