Health: Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after...

By dire-rear - 16/01/2010 20:19 - Singapore

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 085

You deserved it 3 651

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Same thing different taste

By what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god - 05/04/2013 18:51 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 688

You deserved it 4 833

Freakout

By DisgustingCreatures - 04/08/2016 18:53 - United States - Houston

Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 604

You deserved it 1 160

By Anonymous - 21/12/2013 21:50 - United States - Wexford

Today, I thought it was a good idea to flush the stink bug I found in my kitchen. Later I went in the bathroom to take a crap, and next thing I know, I feel a stink bug on my privates. I guess it didn't flush after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 011

You deserved it 8 718

By no name - 22/02/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 949

You deserved it 4 785

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 19:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 765

You deserved it 6 742

Cringe

By mikesok988 - 07/05/2009 07:40 - United States

Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 468

You deserved it 4 808

By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 267

You deserved it 4 592

By lingadoo - 07/12/2012 05:46 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 057

You deserved it 4 849

By Sarah-grace - 17/05/2016 22:20 - United States - Benton

Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 798

You deserved it 1 506

buys case of Listerine

By Sick Guy - 24/03/2018 20:30 - United States - Boynton Beach

Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 934

You deserved it 350

SSJ5Goku 0

Saturday 16 January 2010 23:08

...Which would you prefer?

TripleJumpMan 0

Saturday 16 January 2010 23:08

what the hell

Comments

gigi2009 0

Sunday 17 January 2010 13:42

there's no way it would have survived your dietary tract. agree with #85

johncow123 0

Wednesday 20 January 2010 8:18

tho they can survive without their head for a week and survive the aftermath of a nuke

damnrosi 0

Sunday 17 January 2010 16:35

I never thought I would ever feel bad for a cockroach... poor thing!

anela_fml 0

Sunday 17 January 2010 19:17

ohhhh man that makes me sick to think bout lol

RetroKid 0

Sunday 17 January 2010 19:35

lmaoo be careful with what you eat!

sweetartlp 0

Monday 18 January 2010 1:18

dude that's nasty

dethmaul 0

Monday 18 January 2010 1:52

Does everybody seriously think she seriously thought she crapped it? She was trying to convey how shitty the food was. I hate roaches. My house is clean but I'll randomly run into a fully-grown one every few weeks. I used to live in a shitty shanty and one must have stowed away in one of my boxes, because the guy I bought the house from was a clean freak. Plus they can come in through my doggy door from the garage. There's a bigass gap from the car-door to the jamb. This is the MOST hilariously-worded FML I have ever read! You rule.