Intimacy: Today, I was just taking a wank with my laptop on low battery....

By Noname - 07/01/2009 15:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I was just taking a wank with my laptop on low battery. Almost finished when my laptop died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 476

You deserved it 56 493

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Same thing different taste

By masterfail - 04/10/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 483

You deserved it 19 813

By Moody - 28/10/2009 19:14 - United States

Today, I opened my personal laptop at a company meeting. I forgot that the battery died while watching a porno last night. It was ten seconds of slurping, spitting and gagging. It was my first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 400

You deserved it 38 312

Oh, the humanity

By Anonymous - 23/03/2023 18:00

Today, I was giving a presentation at work but accidentally spilled water all over my laptop. I tried to dry it off, but it wouldn't turn on. I had to give the presentation awkwardly using my phone and everyone took the piss out of me and my shoddy performance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 606

You deserved it 244

By KDM - 05/02/2012 19:39 - Australia

Today, I realised how socially inept I am, when I muttered an apology to my laptop after I noticed I hadn't plugged its charger in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 959

You deserved it 6 608

Likely story

By thenerd - 24/03/2021 02:00

Today, I was doing an online live exam with the camera on when the power suddenly went out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 53

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 20/04/2022 18:01 - Australia

Today, I was pantsless, horny, and my vibrator died, so I put it on charge next to my bed. My mum then came in, crying hysterically about how she got fired. I was still naked. I felt so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 263

By "Anti_Sora" - 05/01/2019 00:00

Today, I turned in my final worth 20% of the grade. Today was also the day my internet decided to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 199

You deserved it 291

Tesla was robbed

By Fuck you, Tesla. - 21/09/2021 14:00

Today, my car ran out of battery. I'm writing this from the middle of the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 615

Slapstick

By aireun - 09/07/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, my laptop plug got stuck in the wall outlet. I stood there for 10 minutes violently trying to yank it out. My boss came in and screamed at me for making noise. I was angry, so I glared at him and yanked on the plug as hard as I could. It dislodged itself noiselessly and I fell over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 278

You deserved it 42 116

By Anonymous - 03/02/2016 15:29 - Australia - Hove

Today, my mum had no legitimate reason to have her daily yell at me, so she resorted to bitching me out for putting her phone on charge after it started beeping with a low battery warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 272

You deserved it 1 474

WhatThePhuc 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 8:03

just use ur imagination

katers4life 0

Sunday 17 May 2009 20:10

uhmm plug it in? or think of me ;D

Comments

nosedive1994 0

Saturday 17 April 2010 3:00

it's bad for a laptop to be on batteries actually u should always have it plugged in

schnitzel5 0

Sunday 18 April 2010 18:39

in soviet Russia, battery kills you! PENIS!!!!!

danyfuckinheatle 0

Sunday 23 May 2010 3:50

so? use your imagination.

YANKSFAN4EVER 0

Wednesday 30 June 2010 9:31

a wank?lol

Why_Ewe 0

Thursday 22 July 2010 22:27

dude, your not supposed to wank to your computer man! don't you have gf? ydi

mexicanswim 0

Friday 30 July 2010 1:52

can you say "blue balls", that's if you can't finish

usaywhatt 0

Wednesday 4 August 2010 16:53

**** you, whiny bitch.

Sinic 0

Thursday 5 August 2010 11:15

Today, my computer denied my masturbation, and now I hate my life. FML

pOTATERS_ 0

Saturday 7 August 2010 6:47

how does this shit get accepted???

TeeHee124 0

Monday 23 August 2010 15:29

Ydi for watching **** it's for ppl that can't get girlfriends

Keywords

Gamers Annoying Video games Birthday Money Cute Kids Weird Awkward Love Health Abuse Relatable Social Media Scams Education Parents School Anger issues Teenagers Family Relationship advice Capitalism Miscellaneous Public freakouts Grieving Mental health Music Geek Poopoo peepee

The Top

Today, there's a stray black cat in my apartment complex. It had badly bitten me two months ago and I had to get several injections. Today the same cat barged into my flat when I opened the door to receive a delivery, and it attacked my cat. I barely managed to fight and push him out of my flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 72

Today, I drove to a job interview. I had to sneeze, but because I was driving on the highway, I didn't let go of the wheel to cover my mouth. I didn't know the sneeze was a "productive" one until I was sitting in the interview, looked down at my new blouse, and saw the giant lugie sitting there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 409

You deserved it 8 930

The Top

Today, I found out that a single unpaid parking ticket from September put my student account on hold and unregistered me from all my spring classes. I'm a senior and this is my last semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 300

Today, I had to repeatedly explain to an increasingly angry lady that no, she couldn't get an ultrasound by using a referral letter from her psychic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 714

You deserved it 3 116

Today, I took a nap because I've been sick for the past week and I was exhausted. When I woke up, my hair, shirt, pillow, and bedsheets were soaked. I threw up all over myself in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 746

You deserved it 3 259

Today, I accidentally ran a stop sign. It wouldn't have been so bad if the stop sign hadn't been in a traffic cop's hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 468

You deserved it 47 174

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 117

You deserved it 37 499

Today, I had to back down and buy a popsocket, which I'd declared useless and stupid since they first came out. I had to buy one after dropping my phone on my toddler's head while he was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 1 043