Today, I walked into a T-Mobile store to get a new phone. I wanted... - FML

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, I walked into a T-Mobile store to get a new phone. I wanted all of my numbers on my new phone, but the customer service rep had to transfer them. He said jokingly, "I understand. You don't want to lose your girlfriend's number." My girlfriend and I broke up two days ago. FML

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Proactive

Dangling modifier

Business savvy

By - 20/1/2017 22:00

Today, as any other work day, I sat down for lunch. Unfortunately, the door to the toilet is right next to where I sit. Every time a colleague uses the toilet, I hear everything, which puts me off my lunch. FML

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By Headphones - 21/7/2009 21:38 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML

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By apparentlytoougly - 27/3/2013 07:29 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, a customer came up to me and asked if I knew where the make-up aisle was. I pointed him in the right direction but he just gasped and said, "Oh so you DO know where it is!" and walked away, roaring with laughter. FML

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By druglord - 28/6/2020 14:10

Humorless parents are the worst

Today, I asked my parents if I could have their old Polaroid camera so I could take artsy pictures, but they got all defensive, because, "Polaroid pictures can’t be traced." So I jokingly said I was using it to take pictures of my drug cartel to have a record of my stocks, and now they think I’m some sort of drug lord. FML

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By NeverNumberOne - 23/4/2018 01:30

Friendzone 2.0

Today, I finally got the courage to ask my best friend to go on a date with me. She assumed I meant a double date and squealed, "Who's the lucky guy?!" She thought I was her gay best friend for the past year. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/4/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML

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By gottaflossmoreoften - 13/4/2015 15:40 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I finally heard a woman tell me "I've never seen one so big before!" Too bad it was my dentist talking about one of my cavities. FML

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By MrsCasillas - 26/9/2013 06:24 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my financial issues hit a new low when I had to borrow back some of the money I gave the guy who did my hair. FML

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By paula434 - 5/12/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, I gave a speech at a charity event in part to help with my shyness. Nobody told me I was standing on top of an air vent. It went on. My skirt flew up, revealing my underwear to 90 people. Nobody remembers the content of my speech. FML

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By BadGirlfriend12 - 30/7/2010 02:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend actually offered me $1000 to break up with him, and to move back to where my family lives 5 hours away. FML

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By fmlimoverit - 12/9/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me because he felt "our religious differences kept us apart." We've never talked about anything religious. Ever. FML

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By bleeeaaaaaacccccchhhhhhhh - 21/6/2013 21:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I walked in on my grandma playing with herself. Every time I close my eyes, I see things that no mortal was ever meant to see. FML

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By PO'd big bro - 13/1/2015 01:11 - United States - Toccoa

Today, I had to call a few different women and explain to them that my little brother had catfished them. I had to do it because he is mute and my parents were too busy screaming at him. FML

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By sad_panda - 26/6/2009 19:48 - United States

Today, I asked my mother if we could test me for OCD, since so many people have suggested to me that I might have it. She smiles at me and says, "No, honey, you're just really really weird." FML

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By Ashton Sprunger - 30/12/2011 05:38 - United States

Today, I was taking people's orders at the drive-thru. I was confused as to why people were screaming their orders at me, until one of my managers handed me a paper that he'd found taped to the menu, saying "speak loudly speaker isn't working properly." Punkd. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2017 14:00

Today, it's the 8th day in a row that my mother-in-law has made me drink laxative tea. I still haven't pooped yet and I'm terrified of what's to come. FML

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By HR - 16/12/2011 21:13 - United States

Today, I had two of my wisdom teeth removed. One side of my face is completely swollen, and the other is normal. I feel like the elephant man. FML

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By Gray_Kitty - 17/9/2016 19:34 - United States - Omaha

Today, a woman came in to order lunch. She ordered a sandwich then asked for me to configure it precisely to her complicated desires. This took a whole 5 minutes, during the lunch rush. When I told her the cost, she decided it was too expensive and cancelled her order. FML

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By DreeStahr - 30/9/2016 04:05 - United States - Liberty

Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML

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By soapgirl - 13/8/2009 16:07 - Philippines

Today, my mom was gifted with a toiletry basket. I grabbed the lotion and used it without asking. When I went out, it began raining hard. I got wet and noticed my skin got very sticky. Turns out the lotion was actually body wash. People were wondering why soap bubbles were coming from my skin. FML

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By ahhhhhh - 12/2/2015 17:23 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I made my mom breakfast in bed for her birthday. She was naked when I went to give it to her. FML

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By KittenTime - 26/5/2011 21:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I witnessed the miracle of life. More specifically, my cat giving birth on my bed at four in the morning. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2014 02:48 - United States - Encinitas

Today, my butt decided to delete the 650 photos I had on my phone. FML

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By ABD - 15/12/2017 01:30

The system is broke!

Today, I found out that when I go on Medicare in January, one of my medicines will go from $45 per month to $3000 for the first month, then $425 per month for the rest of the year. I need this medicine to stay alive. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 15:15 - Netherlands

Today, my old highschool math teacher called me, asking me to please stop calling him at 2AM every weekend. Turns out my best friend uses my cellphone to call his number every time she's drunk, and declares her eternal love to him. FML

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By BustedEgo - 23/3/2014 05:31 - United States - Norway

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML

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By meowitzer - 22/4/2020 05:02

All over the place

Today, a close, funny friend who has quite the attitude, received a long email from a long-time friend of hers, telling her how difficult she is. When I told her it doesn’t matter, that she is still wonderful, she went off on how bad a friend I am for saying that, and then deleted me off WhatsApp. FML

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By fuckit - 31/1/2013 20:27 - Italy - Rome

Today, my pants ripped while I was at work. I had to keep my balls to the wall while I dodged customers and edged ever closer to the break room. Before I could call my wife and ask her to bring a new pair, my boss burst in, got pissed, and made me go back out and deal with irate customers. FML

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By StairwayToEvan92 - 9/9/2019 22:00

Today, I ran over my third skunk in over 16 days. I should probably return my driver's license to the DMV. FML

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By crushed - 11/12/2015 00:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother won't let me intern at a prestigious college, working with graduate students and professors, and being paid, because she doesn't want to drive me. FML

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By ohmylantis - 4/5/2011 14:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was introducing me to some business partners. As he was going along telling me their names, when he introduced me, he called me by my best friend's name. FML

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By Lavalise - 5/11/2011 07:11 - France

Today, on the subway, a woman got off without her suitcase. I grabbed the case, chased her onto the platform, and shouted, "You forgot your suitcase!" while the doors closed behind me. In actual fact, it wasn't her suitcase, and its actual owner was still on the train. FML

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By ScaredDad - 2/5/2019 12:00

Today, I needed to grab something from the garage. As soon as the door closed, I heard a little click sound. My one-year-old seems to have figured out the door lock. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2010 22:07 - Israel

Today, I was told by my neighbors that my guitar playing sounded a dying cat. FML

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By Seriously_Scaredy_Cat - 27/11/2013 07:08 - United States

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

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By JhKhS - 14/9/2009 10:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML

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By ouch - 3/3/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, a guy who I've been on five dates with called me for the first time in 2 weeks. The first thing I said was, "Don't expect me to go out with you again after going AWOL on me." Then he told me his mom died. FML

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By BirthdayBoy - 28/3/2015 03:42 - United States - Madison

Today, I was uninvited from my own birthday party. FML

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By mhmm... cumsquats - 9/2/2013 23:26 - Belgium - Kessel-lo

Today, after much coaxing, I finally got my roommate to loosen up and have a couple of beers with me and my friends. It was only later in the evening that he admitted the real reason he hadn't wanted to drink: he's an alcoholic and had been sober for six months, until now. FML

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By rykelmb - 27/5/2016 23:40 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I dropped my father-in-law's friend off at the airport, and I got in trouble because he ended up missing his flight. He only missed it because he forgot to check in. FML

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Top comments

By neonokku | 0

#621246 - Thursday 15 October 2009 1:10

honesty not a big deal to me

you may have gotten submitted but i am first so people who thumbs me dow nare jealous!!

By Incubuss | 0

#621285 - Thursday 15 October 2009 1:18

Can you hear the sympathetic violin music? So fucking what?

Comments

By neonokku | 0

#621246 - Thursday 15 October 2009 1:10

honesty not a big deal to me

you may have gotten submitted but i am first so people who thumbs me dow nare jealous!!

Reply

Veritas143 | 0

#621361 - Thursday 15 October 2009 1:44

You guys missed the whole story! He had sent out a newsletter to everyone he would ever come in contact with telling them about the break up, but the rep forgot to check his e-mails! He should have known! Then once the OP left the store he had to drive home and his gas tank was almost halfway gone! That means he'd have to fill it up again within the next 2 weeks! And then he got bit by mosquito! Jeeze guys have some sympathy!

Reply

bugmenotmofo | 34

#621363 - Thursday 15 October 2009 1:45

YDI for using T-Mobile

Reply

unfortunatetruth | 0

#621480 - Thursday 15 October 2009 3:37

this is really not an fml...
O.P. pls move on!! if you've already broken up then its probably time that you move on with your life. theres a reason that some ppl dont make it to your future...
I.E. --> She wasn't meant to be your gf still!! move on w/ ur life and love will strike wen u dont expect.

Reply

kitties_fml | 12

#621487 - Thursday 15 October 2009 3:46

#30 hahahah

Reply

youreanidiot | 0

#621546 - Thursday 15 October 2009 4:15

dude, this belongs on MLIA, not FML

Reply

MikeHawke | 0

#621612 - Thursday 15 October 2009 5:04

How the fuck is this an FML?
Fuck you and your stupid FMLs. Grow the fuck up.

Reply

XFlyingxPiranhaX | 0

#1062115 - Sunday 4 July 2010 9:46

This was a waste of much time on everyone's part.

Reply

yashack | 0

#1168141 - Saturday 31 July 2010 21:14

grow a pair and move on you pussface

Reply

caitlin21holly | 0

#2027464 - Monday 31 January 2011 3:14

#30 WTF?!?!?

Reply

00SPRANGER00 | 0

#2628270 - Monday 6 June 2011 6:15

#30 I actually laughed

#127 it's called sarcasm. ever heard of it?

By blalien | 0

#621247 - Thursday 15 October 2009 1:10

YDI for buying from T-Mobile. AT&T lets you transfer your numbers in about 30 seconds.

Reply

allmidnighteyes | 10

#621292 - Thursday 15 October 2009 1:19

Nowhere in the FML does it say the numbers from his T-Mobile phone are un-transferable.

By septemberlovebug | 0

#621249 - Thursday 15 October 2009 1:10

well, that certainly sucks! but who cares, im sure you can do much better than her anyways. and at&t is waaay better than t-mobile

By musicninja | 0

#621252 - Thursday 15 October 2009 1:11

Ouch!

By PrinceTwilight17 | 0

#621254 - Thursday 15 October 2009 1:11

Yeah well, I like sucking dicks, so whatever.

By ehon82 | 3

#621255 - Thursday 15 October 2009 1:12

why is this on fml...

Reply

perdix | 29

#621403 - Thursday 15 October 2009 2:20

This would be an FML if. . .

When the customer service rep got to your ex-girlfriend's number, he said, "Hey, where did YOU get the number of the cum dumpster me and all the other guys bone?"

Reply

pleasetryagain | 0

#622051 - Thursday 15 October 2009 16:40

That's only true if he were still dating her.

Reply

mcdys | 0

#623758 - Saturday 17 October 2009 3:10

not if he had sex with her and they had stds haha

By ibaneziceman | 0

#621256 - Thursday 15 October 2009 1:12

Boo fucking hoo.

By Matt_Nicholas | 0

#621268 - Thursday 15 October 2009 1:14

Drama queens these days...

By xxchilloutxx | 0

#621272 - Thursday 15 October 2009 1:15

I really don't get it?...

By alexcabot | 0

#621275 - Thursday 15 October 2009 1:16

OMG, your life sucks SOOO much.