Love: Today, I walked into a T-Mobile store to get a new phone. I wanted... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 113

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 1 496

14/10/2009 19:13

Today, I walked into a T-Mobile store to get a new phone. I wanted all of my numbers on my new phone, but the customer service rep had to transfer them. He said jokingly, "I understand. You don't want to lose your girlfriend's number." My girlfriend and I broke up two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 989

You deserved it 7 627

Best teeth in the game

Leave us alone

Moving day, grandma

23/03/2013 20:15

Today, after I had changed my number to get away from my abusive ex, my mom decided to give him my new one. She insists that I need to give him another chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 068

You deserved it 3 412

Judgemental

By still on the wagon - 18/07/2021 15:01

Today, I got a ton of angry and disappointed messages. My boyfriend posted a picture of us out at a restaurant, and I was holding a brown bottle. I’m a recovering alcoholic, and I was drinking a fancy root beer. No one believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 135

You deserved it 80

Can't win

By Billie - 04/02/2021 00:01

Today, my boyfriend was tidying up around the room. I asked him if he'd like me to help, to which he responded, "No, I don't need any help," then added, "Wish you weren't so lazy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 209

Quick reflexes

By fml9124 - 20/03/2020 18:00

Today, my girlfriend's 8-year-old daughter decided that I'm going to marry her mom and send her to an orphanage. I blurted out, "Marriage?! No one's talking about marriage!" Now my girlfriend is mad at me, and her daughter is still scared of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 668

17/07/2011 12:34

Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 612

You deserved it 3 189

06/07/2019 16:00

Today, I was hit with a sudden urge to shit. I knew it was going to be a bad one, so I ran out of the meeting. I made it to the toilet in time, but I forgot to lift the lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 502

You deserved it 590

Tonight, on Asshole Bosses…

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 22:00

Today, I went to pick up my last paycheck, since I was fired last week. My boss said he wasn't going to give it to me. I told him it's illegal not to, and he told me with a shit-eating grin, "What are you gonna do? Arrest me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 901

You deserved it 107

24/12/2010 03:03

Spicy

Today, my fiancé and I attempted to have sex in my childhood bedroom. As we were falling onto the bed, I smacked my head on the wall, which caused a shelf of stuffed toys to fall onto the bed. Not only did it kill the mood, the shelf also hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 730

You deserved it 9 508

06/12/2009 07:28

Today, I found out that the shower sponge I've been using for a while now is the very same sponge my friends used to wipe up my vomit when I was drunk. I have been exfoliating a puked on sponge for more than a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 385

You deserved it 31 787

11/12/2014 21:47

Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 141

You deserved it 5 213

26/10/2009 16:24

Today, I was walking in the park when I was hit on the shin by a red ball. I was confused, until it was followed by an enormous German Shepherd dog going at top speed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 301

You deserved it 2 640

10/12/2009 19:51

Spicy

Today, after having a shower, I walked back into my room butt naked. As I looked up I saw the window cleaner staring right at me. I looked. He looked. And without thinking I dropped straight to the floor to hid myself, then realized my naked butt was still staring right at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 506

You deserved it 6 743

18/11/2010 00:26

Today, I asked my boyfriend what celebrity I look like. He thought long and hard, then said "Sarah Jessica Parker." I gasped and told him that I find her extremely hideous. He replied "So do I." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 362

You deserved it 8 877

25/04/2016 20:14

Today, a student pooped his pants in my office. I work with undergrad and graduate students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 810

You deserved it 1 117

22/08/2018 03:30

Today, after being kicked out of my racist family, my boyfriend and I moved across the country to rent an apartment with my sister. My mother hates us so much she offered to buy my sister a new car to not take us in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 241

You deserved it 513

24/04/2009 20:21

Spicy

Today, I was getting ready for bed, when I decided to watch some porno on the computer. Suddenly someone from my messenger list says, "You might want to turn off the 'What You're Listening To' option if you're watching porn." I snapped and exited the porn. 63 people saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 579

You deserved it 77 708

29/09/2010 05:59

Spicy

Today, I went to the beach with this boy I like. Not thinking it'd be anything more than a simple date, I didn't shave my downstairs. We were sitting on a towel and I laid down. Then he said, "Is there a squirrel in your pants?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 010

You deserved it 43 846

10/11/2016 02:45

Today, I saw an older gentleman running through my store. I wasn't sure why he was running towards the front door until I looked at the floor and saw a poop trail behind him. The trail went from the front of the store all the way to the back of the store. Guess who had to get the mop and bucket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 264

You deserved it 570

26/01/2017 14:37

Today, I had to reply to my boss's comments to a 50+ page document. Every second comment could be answered by, "See the sentence above/below" because apparently someone has problems with his short term memory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 821

You deserved it 354

13/06/2011 09:11

Today, I overheard my girlfriend telling her friend "Actually, its a good thing she died, she was quite a bitch." She was talking about my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 465

You deserved it 4 502

28/06/2011 20:40

Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 003

You deserved it 4 707

19/06/2019 01:51

Spicy

Today, I had my first sexual experience since going through a rough break up a month ago. The guy finished after 60 seconds of a blow job and then didn’t return the favor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 197

You deserved it 342

Knight

By Racked - 01/03/2016 18:00

Today, I walked my girlfriend home. As I kissed her goodbye, I heard a high-pitched scream and turned just in time to see her little brother charge head-first into my nuts. All because I kissed her on the cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 128

You deserved it 1 906

Bye, dipshit

By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 23:02

Today, my husband told me he no longer loves me and is moving out. It's also our 13th wedding anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 224

06/10/2011 16:17

Spicy

Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 536

You deserved it 11 231

15/05/2009 15:14

Today, in my art class we had to paint a nude portrait of a fat, old woman. About halfway through the piece, and while painting her fat rolls, I realized she was the only person other than myself I had ever seen naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 108

You deserved it 7 758

06/11/2009 06:59

Today, I went out to celebrate my birthday with a big group of friends. After waiting in line to get into a club, the bouncer looked me up and down and said, "No fat chicks." My friends went into the club without me and left me to take a $100 taxi home alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 943

You deserved it 8 292

OK Shaggy

By Notakidpusher - 24/11/2015 03:34

Today, my coworker brought her 3-year-old son to work with her. When introducing him to me, she dropped her bag and bent over to pick it up, knocking him over with her butt in the process. When she stood up, she noticed he was sitting on the ground crying. She then accused me of pushing him over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 116

You deserved it 1 416

28/02/2010 06:31

Today, I went skinny dipping with a few friends at my friend's house. It was really fun until one of my friends shrieked, saying there were bugs in the pool. Everyone jumped out and looked at her. Turns out the "bugs" she saw was my body hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 811

You deserved it 6 920

23/08/2009 11:00

Today, I was outside with a guy I really like. He asked me to lay down on the ground and watch the stars with him. I did. Suddenly, he got up, walked over to another girl and kissed her. They left me there on the soaking wet ground, watching the stars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 321

You deserved it 3 886

29/03/2012 20:16

Today, I was talking about phobias and anxiety disorders in psychology class. I nearly had a panic attack because I was worried that someone might realize I suffer from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 972

You deserved it 4 042

08/08/2019 02:01

Today, I was at work serving customers at the checkout. A girl was brushing the floor behind me. I turned around and whichever way she brushed, the brush hit me twice straight in the balls before she noticed anything. She had to serve the rest of the customers while I recovered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 146

26/09/2014 01:15

Today, marks yet again another day that I've been asked if I'm autistic. No, that's just my Korean accent. Apparently I look "too white" to have one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 625

You deserved it 2 725

23/02/2009 19:28

Spicy

Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 504

You deserved it 23 760

11/09/2009 01:19

Today, while at work I passed out due to my blood sugar not being normal. Despite the fact that it took 10 minutes to wake me, no one thought I was in any sort of danger. After the episode, I then got fired for "sleeping on the job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 121

You deserved it 2 940

14/06/2012 16:28

Today, my girlfriend and I got to the stage in our relationship where she thinks its okay to change her tampon whilst I brush my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 577

You deserved it 6 566

13/01/2012 07:48

Today, I went to the gynecologist for the first time. I was so nervous that when she extended her hand to shake mine, I gave her my handbag instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 575

You deserved it 4 327

27/10/2009 22:24

Today, I noticed that I've been spelling my company's name wrong in my email signature for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 912

You deserved it 43 998

08/04/2017 18:00

Today, I nearly lost a hand at work, because a supervisor decided to remove a 'useless' safety guard on a machine despite my warnings. He doesn't understand why I'm so upset with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 609

You deserved it 407

21/04/2013 16:03

Today, I was trying sell a customer a top-of-the-line surround sound system. Apparently he was aware that I work on commission, as he threatened to buy the system elsewhere unless I sang Rebecca Black's "Friday" in front of the whole store. Goodbye, self-respect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 199

You deserved it 5 655

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Thursday 15 October 2009 1:10

honesty not a big deal to me you may have gotten submitted but i am first so people who thumbs me dow nare jealous!!

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Thursday 15 October 2009 1:18

Can you hear the sympathetic violin music? So fucking what?

Comments

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Thursday 15 October 2009 1:10

honesty not a big deal to me you may have gotten submitted but i am first so people who thumbs me dow nare jealous!!

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Thursday 15 October 2009 1:44

You guys missed the whole story! He had sent out a newsletter to everyone he would ever come in contact with telling them about the break up, but the rep forgot to check his e-mails! He should have known! Then once the OP left the store he had to drive home and his gas tank was almost halfway gone! That means he'd have to fill it up again within the next 2 weeks! And then he got bit by mosquito! Jeeze guys have some sympathy!

bugmenotmofo 34

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Thursday 15 October 2009 1:45

YDI for using T-Mobile

unfortunatetruth 0

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Thursday 15 October 2009 3:37

this is really not an fml... O.P. pls move on!! if you've already broken up then its probably time that you move on with your life. theres a reason that some ppl dont make it to your future... I.E. --> She wasn't meant to be your gf still!! move on w/ ur life and love will strike wen u dont expect.

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Thursday 15 October 2009 3:46

#30 hahahah

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Thursday 15 October 2009 4:15

dude, this belongs on MLIA, not FML

XFlyingxPiranhaX 0

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Sunday 4 July 2010 9:46

This was a waste of much time on everyone's part.

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Saturday 31 July 2010 21:14

grow a pair and move on you pussface

caitlin21holly 0

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Monday 31 January 2011 3:14

#30 WTF?!?!?

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Monday 6 June 2011 6:15

#30 I actually laughed #127 it's called sarcasm. ever heard of it?

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Thursday 15 October 2009 1:10

YDI for buying from T-Mobile. AT&T lets you transfer your numbers in about 30 seconds.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Thursday 15 October 2009 1:19

Nowhere in the FML does it say the numbers from his T-Mobile phone are un-transferable.

septemberlovebug 0

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Thursday 15 October 2009 1:10

well, that certainly sucks! but who cares, im sure you can do much better than her anyways. and at&t is waaay better than t-mobile

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Thursday 15 October 2009 1:11

Ouch!

PrinceTwilight17 0

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Thursday 15 October 2009 1:11

Yeah well, I like sucking dicks, so whatever.

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Thursday 15 October 2009 1:12

why is this on fml...

perdix 29

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Thursday 15 October 2009 2:20

This would be an FML if. . . When the customer service rep got to your ex-girlfriend's number, he said, "Hey, where did YOU get the number of the cum dumpster me and all the other guys bone?"

pleasetryagain 0

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Thursday 15 October 2009 16:40

That's only true if he were still dating her.

mcdys 0

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Saturday 17 October 2009 3:10

not if he had sex with her and they had stds haha

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Thursday 15 October 2009 1:12

Boo fucking hoo.

Matt_Nicholas 0

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Thursday 15 October 2009 1:14

Drama queens these days...

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Thursday 15 October 2009 1:15

I really don't get it?...

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Thursday 15 October 2009 1:16

OMG, your life sucks SOOO much.