Today, I started my new job at a haunted house. I figured I'd change clothes when I got home, since my bloody shirt and zombie makeup were blatantly just an outfit. I barely made it 10 minutes before I was pinned to the ground at gunpoint, cuffed, and needing new underwear. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it's my first day working the graveyard shift at a local hotel. My new boss thought it would be hilarious to sneak up behind me while dressed like the Grim Reaper. I screamed like a little girl and soaked my pants. Apparently he does this to all the new people. FML
Today, I was working a haunted house. I have a really good spot where I hide and scare people. This really hot guy was walking up, and I jumped out and screamed. He punched me in the face. FML
Today, l was crouched on the ground in the doorway at a haunted mansion. It's part of my job here to scare the people passing by. A 12 year-old girl walked by, I grabbed her leg, and she kicked me in the face. FML
Today, on my first day at my new job delivering pizzas, I got bit by a guy dressed as Dracula. FML
Today, I was working as a clown (Pennywise) in a haunted maze. A bunch of drunk guys came in and started breaking props. I decided to stay still and follow through with the scare. I ended up getting kicked in a very sensitive area. The security guard just laughed. FML
Today, I was walking home from my acting gig at a haunted hayride. Even after spending lots of time washing the fake blood off my hands and face, I looked like I'd murdered someone. Perhaps that's why an officer stopped me and questioned me about a stabbing that happened earlier tonight. FML
Today, I was trying on clothes in a store that had just screens set up for changing. As I took off the first pair of pants had I tried on, my foot got hooked in the cuff and I fell out in my underwear in front of the whole store. FML
Today, I was walking to my friend's Halloween themed birthday party in my zombie costume. Apparently, my crazy coke addicted neighbor found the costume too realistic. He tackled me. FML
Today, while working an early shift, I was dressing a wound on a gorgeous guy, when he laughed and pointed out some granny panties next to me on the floor. I guess I forgot to take yesterday's underwear out of my pants before putting them back on this morning. FML
Today, I was working at Chuck-E-Cheese. If that isn't enough, I was put in the mouse costume. Due to the disgusting hot smell and atmosphere in the costume, I fainted in front of a birthday party. I awoke to a little boy screaming who then kicked me in the face and ran. FML
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Top comments
ChloeRattlehead 22
Well, we know now that we can trust those cops to save us during the apocalypse.
oyeh 19
I thought they were supposed to teach Common Sense at the academy? Guess they forgot too.
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Comments (93)
Dexter83_fml 17
Braaaaiiins
MandieL 27
If a zombie apocalypse were to occur, does it need to be near October to be considered proper? Things that go bump in the night are applicable all year long, not just around Halloween. That sucks OP, as much as I find it normal for a haunted house to exist in June, I would be a bit alarmed seeing someone covered in blood looking like they just got out of a bad fight walking down the street outside of the zombie walk or Halloween.
AnonymousZOMBIE 12
i guess its because of all the stupid kids trying to prank others that a zombie apocalypse is happening. so the cops just don't bother anymore and instead cuff anyone trying to be funny....IDK it's a guess...
lexiieeex3 32
This definitely needs context and a follow up wow cops are assholes.
candyolympics 17
Not all cops are assholes. Most of them are actually good at their job, however the bad ones are the only ones we hear about.
nitrog100 21
Sue the everliving s*** out of the department. They had no right to attack you like that.
WOTAN1488 24
Sounds kinky and gross. FYL
ChloeMeyers_Xo 16
Geez, you must have really made an impression.
AviKerensky 17
#17 Shock will cause a person to do odd things.
Unbearable_fml 21
It's June.
lilchica22001 22
It would have been cool if the cop that got you was Rick Grimes :) The Walking Dead...sorta! Lol
allforfun 23
I'm gonna call bullshit here. If someone is found bloody the cops call EMS for an evaluation. EMS would quickly figure out there's nothing wrong (we're good at that) and the only reason to end up cuffed would be for another offense.