Today, I set up a miniature nativity scene in my apartment. Three hours ago, my dog decided it would be a good idea to eat baby Jesus. Two hours ago, the vet laughed and said not to worry because I would 'have him back in time for Christmas'. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML
Today, after spending hours wrapping the presents for Christmas, I came back into the room to find that my dog had lost his toy, knocked over all the presents, and was frantically ripping at everything to find it. FML
Today, to try to have a less depressing Christmas, I've put up a small tree in my apartment and wrapped some presents for myself. I woke from a nap to the sound of my cat vomiting. What did she throw up on? The presents. FML
Today, we spent hours decorating the Christmas tree, perfectly balancing the lights, ornaments, and tinsel. Ten minutes later, the cat thought it was a right time to reenact Die Hard and climbed up the tree, knocking it over. Now my ornaments are shattered, and my cat is smugly sitting in the wreckage. FML
Today, I woke up to a horrible smell only to realize that my dog had peed all over my leg cast during the night. I can't get another one because the closest doctors are all on Christmas vacation. Guess this is an early Christmas present from my dog. FML
Today, I finally discovered the reason my front room smelt funny. My dog, thinking the Christmas tree was real, has been peeing on it for the past two weeks. FML
Today, I decorated my boyfriend's house for Christmas as a surprise, just in time for him and his family to come home. Also just in time for him to tell me he's Jewish. FML
Today, I punished my new dog for taking a shit inside by putting him in the kennel. He punished me by breaking out of the kennel and destroying everything in my house. Including Christmas presents. FML
Today, I spent hours putting together a beautifully intricate jigsaw to give to my grandmother, who likes to frame them and hang them on her wall. Just as I was about to finish it, I discovered my dog chewing the last piece. FML
Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML
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Top comments
CallMeHush 1
In three days he will return to you... where have I read that before?
Psychopauser 0
Not a FML more like a FJesusFigureLife
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Comments (114)
f_alltheirlives 3
d o g - g o d !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This bitch is the anti christ!!!
silbern 0
the anti-Christ has arrived in the form of a dog! holy shit!
palasarop 0
thats stupid the anti christ arrived in the form of carl rove
Sarcastic_Lady 0
How exactly is this an FML? "My dog ate a decoration. He'll be fine. He'll poop it out in a few days. My life sucks" really?
Shady_R 0
I put small objects where my dog could eat them and than I didn't have to pay for super expensive surgery to save his life.
aback 5
"It's sacrilicious."
tschoiuss 0
This is not an FML! This is just plain funny!!! I think there is another website for funny stories.
Kickens07 0
#18 MLIA.com!
JCadle90 0
atleast jesus will rise again
SookMauNoots 0
atheist dog
Dr_Pepper_fml 3
Ew. . . .
flemhead 0
holy shit, it's the Second coming of Christ! prepare for the rapture!!!!!!! lol