Today, I set up a miniature nativity scene in my apartment. Three hours ago, my dog decided it would be a good idea to eat baby Jesus. Two hours ago, the vet laughed and said not to worry because I would 'have him back in time for Christmas'. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML
Today, after spending hours wrapping the presents for Christmas, I came back into the room to find that my dog had lost his toy, knocked over all the presents, and was frantically ripping at everything to find it. FML
Today, to try to have a less depressing Christmas, I've put up a small tree in my apartment and wrapped some presents for myself. I woke from a nap to the sound of my cat vomiting. What did she throw up on? The presents. FML
Today, we spent hours decorating the Christmas tree, perfectly balancing the lights, ornaments, and tinsel. Ten minutes later, the cat thought it was a right time to reenact Die Hard and climbed up the tree, knocking it over. Now my ornaments are shattered, and my cat is smugly sitting in the wreckage. FML
Today, I woke up to a horrible smell only to realize that my dog had peed all over my leg cast during the night. I can't get another one because the closest doctors are all on Christmas vacation. Guess this is an early Christmas present from my dog. FML
Today, I finally discovered the reason my front room smelt funny. My dog, thinking the Christmas tree was real, has been peeing on it for the past two weeks. FML
Today, I decorated my boyfriend's house for Christmas as a surprise, just in time for him and his family to come home. Also just in time for him to tell me he's Jewish. FML
Today, I punished my new dog for taking a shit inside by putting him in the kennel. He punished me by breaking out of the kennel and destroying everything in my house. Including Christmas presents. FML
Today, I spent hours putting together a beautifully intricate jigsaw to give to my grandmother, who likes to frame them and hang them on her wall. Just as I was about to finish it, I discovered my dog chewing the last piece. FML
Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML
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Top comments
CallMeHush 1
In three days he will return to you... where have I read that before?
Psychopauser 0
Not a FML more like a FJesusFigureLife
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Comments (114)
Emkayy_jalo 0
Thats gonna be some hollyy shit! hahaha Lmfaoo!
kimberleym 0
LOL @ #75 ! Holy shit ;D
13__Loki__13 1
I know what you dog is getting you for Christmas!!!
chrismace 11
Lol. That's kind of awesome.
teamwork 0
all y'all niggas saying "stfu you dumb atheist assholes" need to relax. apparently your beliefs make you high strung as well as undereducated.
PatRme 9
Actually, no one is insulting athiests on this board. quite tge oposite.
teamwork 0
also, there's nothing wrong with some of the ethics and moral principles of religion, but modern religion has put such a hideous spin on the intent that it isn't even the same thing. the problem stems not from values, but from ignorance. unfortunately, ignorance might just include an inability to accept science.
turtlegirl04 0
i think that's hilarious my mom's very religious and i respect that of her even though i'm atheist. so all of those who say all atheist are asshole why dont you stfu and wise up some. jez and i thought they taught you to be nice to people in sunday school at least that's what i learned from it.
elleman24 0
hahahaha
sabatical 0
this has been posted before. except the vet was laughing and saying "not to worry, Jesus will be back in time for Christmas". it was funny then, but rephrased by someone else. not so funny. poor Jesus the guy never gets a break.
PatRme 9
Dude, statue doesnt always equal idol. Jesus.....i hope you were just playing the devil's advocate cuz otherwiese you're not very intelligent.