Miscellaneous: Today, I sang my signature tune at a karaoke bar - What A Wonderful...

By karaokestar - 23/04/2009 04:42 - Canada

Today, I sang my signature tune at a karaoke bar - What A Wonderful World - and I thought I sounded my best yet. After my performance, I went outside to get some air. Then, I got assaulted in the parking lot and ended up going to the hospital. What a wonderful world indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 929

You deserved it 5 511

Miscellaneous

Sociopathic method

Not a fan

Paternity test before the rest

By HylianFox - 27/01/2012 04:07 - United States

Today, my parents had a long discussion on whether a cut on my arm looked like a vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 079

You deserved it 3 044

By angry asthmatic - 22/12/2018 14:00 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, we had an emergency lockdown in my gym class. As a result, we had to go into the boys' locker room, so naturally, it smelled like a fart in there. Some dumbass had a "brilliant" idea to spray a WHOLE FUCKING CAN OF AXE SPRAY in the locker room. I have asthma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 443

You deserved it 213

By RonnieG - 22/07/2013 22:30 - United States - Orlando

Today, I confessed to losing my wife's engagement ring, and replacing it with a lookalike months ago. My wife also confessed that her actual engagement ring was locked in the safe, and the one I lost had been a fake. I've been paying the replacement off on my credit card for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 041

You deserved it 14 059

By dogsickftl - 31/10/2009 19:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I left my hammer outside after putting up my 'for sale' sign in front of my house. I realised and went outside to get it. The hammer had been used to smash my car window and steal stuff inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 510

You deserved it 7 015

By kira - 02/10/2012 10:29 - United States

Today, my mom screeched at me about my pillowcase being dirty and finished off one long rant with an irate, "Who raised you to be such a pig?" Her anger multiplied by ten when I asked if it was a trick question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 541

You deserved it 7 882

Housemates from hell

By Anonymous - 15/01/2021 13:58

Today, my housemate saw some stuff in the barn, thought I surely wouldn’t be using it, so he stacked lots of lawn furniture on top. The “stuff” in question? Bales of hay. As in, daily food for my horses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 61

By Noname - 28/01/2009 20:18 - United States

Today, I marked the 6th anniversary of the last time I had intercourse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 131

You deserved it 5 669

RIP in peace

By Jill - 01/11/2021 06:00 - United States - Fredonia

Today, I found out that my favorite aunt passed away. The funeral was last Thursday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 69

Shame! Shaaaame!

By poormomma - 15/04/2020 08:00

Today, I found out my son kept quiet about having head lice for a week. He's 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 247

By Noname - 13/03/2009 20:54 - United States

Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 785

You deserved it 30 036

By Anonymous - 05/08/2019 16:00 - United States - Cranford

Today, despite seeing her every weekend, her not telling me her work schedule, and her having ignored me every time she gets a boyfriend, my sister is upset that I "don't make more of an effort to see her." Sorry, I'm trying to not rely on people who hurt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 133

By FMyThroat - 18/01/2013 00:39 - Peru - Lima

Today, after battling for hours to get just a little sleep before my early morning work shift, I finally began drifting off. Then I got the worst attack of hiccups in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 624

You deserved it 2 808

By Anonymous - 20/11/2012 10:41 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I have an ear infection. The pain from it radiates from my ear all the way down the left side of my face, so my doctor prescribed me something that makes half of my face numb and pretty much unusable. Tomorrow, I have to give a presentation on strokes for my med class. Go figure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 143

You deserved it 1 906

Revelations

By Anonymous - 29/09/2021 20:45

Today, I told my mom I was thinking of having a baby. She told me it was a huge mistake because children cost a fortune, make you miserable, and if she'd had her chance again she would have gotten her tubes tied when she was 18 and saved herself the grief. Gee, thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 142

By Taco Hell - 19/10/2012 06:43 - United States - Avon Lake

Today, I got threatened to get dragged out of the window at work because I wouldn't sell someone hot wings. I work at Taco Bell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 993

You deserved it 1 946

By Just Awkward - 21/04/2017 02:00

Today, I was in class rubbing my hands together. The lecturer thought that because my hands were up, I had a question. I replied with, "Oh, no I was just playing with myself." Just as it left my mouth, I realised what I was saying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 436

You deserved it 1 238

By FFFFF- - 02/03/2011 17:12 - Singapore

Today, my girlfriend's best friend told me she was in hospital after having made a suicide attempt. In shock, I had a panic attack and ended up in the hospital myself. Turns out it was all a lie to see whether or not I was committed to the relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 997

You deserved it 5 175

By Jodie Zawadzka - 20/10/2017 06:00

Today, Hurricane Ophelia hit. I had been meaning to fix my roof for a while but couldn't get around to it. My roof is now embedded in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 989

You deserved it 1 312

By Barstaff - 24/12/2009 11:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I have to work Christmas Day. There's no public transport running and taxis are triple fare. It'll cost me more getting to work than I'll actually earn during the shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 724

You deserved it 2 370

The Conversationalist

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I was so bad at maintaining a conversation that the only way for the other guy to put up with me was to drink. He was the designated driver. He would rather risk drinking and driving than being sober around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 368

Any day now…

By justwow - 13/07/2010 14:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I must be the only person who has been taking the contraceptive pill for six years without ever needing to use it as a contraceptive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 049

You deserved it 9 269

By admin1771 - 25/12/2016 17:00 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I'm supposed to go to my girlfriend's house for Christmas with her family. I got a text from her saying that her dad found our used condom package from last night. I'm supposed to be there in 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 937

You deserved it 3 161

Hair of the dog

By Anonymous - 27/09/2019 00:01

Today, I spent 15 minutes scrubbing the bathtub, just to have my roommate come home and give their dog a bath in it. They didn't even rinse it or pull the hair out. I don't know what makes it more annoying, that I'm 6 months pregnant and do all the cleaning while working full-time, or that we have a hose outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 454

You deserved it 187

By Sunshine56 - 10/11/2016 03:11 - United States - Greenbrier

Today, I sold cigarettes to a woman who promptly told me that she smoked meth. It's only my second night working this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 444

You deserved it 764

Pirate Jim

By maryann - 09/05/2021 02:01

Today, I brought home my new boyfriend, who happens to have an eyepatch. Despite repeatedly telling them not to, even threatening punishment, my daughters, ages 9 and 11, would not stop calling him "Cyclops." He’s mad at me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 319

By Broke - 27/03/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, I was entered into an online contest where they announce your name on the radio and if you call in within an hour they pay your bills for you. I'm unemployed, so I got really excited when they announced my name. My call wouldn't go through - I hadn't paid my phone bill and the line was disconnected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 183

You deserved it 28 637

By Loose Ends - 14/09/2016 23:48 - United States - Waltham

Today, I found out that apparently the pipes for my toilet were never connected, so anything you flush just falls out onto the basement floor downstairs. I've lived here 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 133

You deserved it 2 779

By PinkTornado - 17/03/2009 14:20 - Canada

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. After three long weeks of him ignoring me and cancelling out on time we were supposed to spend with each other. He looked at me with the most confused look on his face. Then he says ''Are you serious? I was planning the perfect day to ask you to marry me'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 758

You deserved it 97 444

By Jilly - 08/08/2011 06:45 - Australia

Today, I found out that my son had sold his house key to one of his friends for half a packet of gum. Now there is someone out there who I have never met with full access to my house. My son is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 026

You deserved it 5 281

By Anonymous - 28/03/2011 02:49 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years confessed that at first, she'd only dated me to get her friend jealous, and that even now, she "only kind of liked" me. I bought a ring only a few days ago, and was planning on proposing to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 844

You deserved it 4 118

I'm not sad. Or am I?

By Dr Pepper - 22/05/2019 18:05

Today, to protect me from the 'bad people' out there, my mom bought some pepper spray. While trying to test it, I accidentally sprayed myself in the eyes. Now, every person I meet asks me what I've been crying about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 1 591

By maggie - 30/11/2011 19:25 - United States

Today, I got a round brush stuck in my hair so badly that I couldn't get it out for 45 minutes, and had a panic attack. I had to drive through town with a brush dangling from my head, to the hair salon, and listen to them laugh while they got it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 695

You deserved it 8 847

By romantic84 - 31/05/2011 04:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend told me how she loves when I kiss her out of the blue. I don't have the heart to admit I only do it so I can get some peace and quiet for a few seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 661

You deserved it 38 842

Quickie

By Anonymous - 18/04/2020 23:00

Today, I realised that unless I masturbate about an hour before sex, sex lasts less than 20 seconds, but even after masturbating I’m still lucky to last a single minute. I don’t know how to stop disappointing her, and she’s my first serious girlfriend. I’m pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 756

You deserved it 458

By Jess49 - 03/12/2011 02:06 - United States

Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 269

You deserved it 4 804

By anonymous - 24/04/2013 04:55 - Germany

Today, I was fired on my second day of work after a year and a half of unemployment. Apparently, my "tendency to solve problems instead of just accepting them made the other workers uneasy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 552

You deserved it 3 618

Bro, do you even lift?

By Anonymous - 30/01/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I sprained my bicep. The urgent care doctor told me to take it easy on weight lifting. When I told him I hurt myself holding a book, he had to leave the room because he couldn’t stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 212

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 02/01/2021 11:01

Today, my dad said he hates gay people. My parents don't know I'm gay. I'm a high school senior. I wish I could just have someone to love and to love me, I just feel so lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 596

You deserved it 2 101

No warning

By lol - 19/09/2021 11:00

Today, despite leaving early to go to work, I still ended up late because some dude decided to have an argument with the bus driver, delaying us by 20 minutes. As a result, I was fired without a write-up. This was my first ever time being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 54

By seamonkeys - 21/03/2013 09:42 - United States

Today, a pregnant friend who is due in 2 weeks posted a picture of a baby on Facebook. I commented congratulations. She's still pregnant. It was a picture of her baby who died 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 262

You deserved it 13 047

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Top comments

Jimboom 11

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Thursday 23 April 2009 12:13

Wow. The Karaoke critics by you are a lot harsher than any karaoke bar I have ever been to. Usually they just heckle you if your bad.

The_Real_Peter 1

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Thursday 3 November 2011 1:21

Umm miss? I do not understand one word you just typed.

Jimboom 11

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Thursday 23 April 2009 12:13

Wow. The Karaoke critics by you are a lot harsher than any karaoke bar I have ever been to. Usually they just heckle you if your bad.

Nadramia 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 12:15

yest you werent hurt enough to right this?? meh well tis life...

The_Real_Peter 1

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Thursday 3 November 2011 1:21

Umm miss? I do not understand one word you just typed.

ScottyD620 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 12:29

I've wished I could do that to people singing karaoke before. Esp songs like that.

_7_Anonymous_7_ 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 12:29

I doubt you were assaulted because of your singing. But that is quite ironic. You consider singing Karaoke a performance?

Duckie101 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 12:31

at least u have a fan base :D

Eresbel 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 12:55

laissez-faire (with an "e") is most appropriately used for economics.

drummerforever 0

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Wednesday 6 October 2010 7:38

true. i just learned that and im in 9th grade lol

asxp10 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 13:41

Agree with #4. It's probably not your singing, just tough luck. Sorry :/ FYL.

BerryRockstar 9

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Thursday 23 April 2009 13:41

Karaoke rules.

Dhamy 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 13:45

I agree with number 4. But,yeah, that must have sucked.

swanlee 0

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Thursday 23 April 2009 13:48

That's what you get for taking this karaoke crap so seriously, your not a star, if you were you'd be rich. Karaoke is for un talented drama queens that want attention.