Today, I sang my signature tune at a karaoke bar - What A Wonderful... - FML

By karaokestar - 23/4/2009 04:42 - Canada

Today, I sang my signature tune at a karaoke bar - What A Wonderful World - and I thought I sounded my best yet. After my performance, I went outside to get some air. Then, I got assaulted in the parking lot and ended up going to the hospital. What a wonderful world indeed. FML

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Family values

Boozehound alert

Mr Sensitivity

By BeachBummer - 21/4/2018 19:00

Today, I’ve been up since 5am getting everything ready for the beach. This is the first nice weekend we’ve had this season. I have a dressed toddler asleep on the couch and grown ass man that refuses to get out of bed. Today it’s 80 degrees. Next weekend is 50 degrees. FML

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By GettingACat - 20/11/2018 03:00

Today, I found a mouse nest. In my glovebox. Made out of the $450 in rent money I was going to give my roommate that I had stored in there earlier for safe keeping. FML

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By Sabrina - 3/9/2019 04:00 - Australia - Canberra

Move on, dude

Today, looking on the internet, I came across my ex's Facebook page. Most of the posts were about me, and his profile picture was still of me and him. We broke up over a year ago. FML

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By failure - 16/7/2009 16:25 - Canada

Today, my parents are freaking at me because I just got my report and I failed my first year of college. They told me they have never been more disappointed in me. I have to tell them that I'm also pregnant. FML

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By notmarriedyet - 1/10/2009 13:28 - United States

Today, it was my wedding day. Everything went great, except that no one showed up. Apparently, the address of the invitation was typed wrong. FML

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By kerdersty - 30/5/2011 03:27 - Canada

Today, I was snowboarding when a skier cut me off, resulting in me colliding with a 12 year old girl. The girl was totally fine, and I was alright except for a slight nose bleed. I apologized to the girl, then her mom hit me over the back with a ski pole as I snowboarded away. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2014 16:02 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I found out first-hand that the most horrifying sight you can ever witness is two morbidly obese people getting nasty with each other in a dance club's run-down, public restroom. FML

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By niquey62307 - 8/12/2009 03:36 - United States

Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2013 19:56 - United States - West Babylon

Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML

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By CoCo - 22/11/2008 04:03 - France

Today, my girlfriend came home with new condoms: Manix Endurance containing a numbing gel designed to help me "last longer". FML

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By really - 5/6/2016 21:40 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, a customer at work was having hiccups, so I suggest that she should try to hold her breath for a while. Ten minutes later, she's talking to my manager about how I wanted her to "kill myself because of my severe medical condition". FML

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By college estudiata - 27/6/2015 00:57

Today, I realized I need to get my life together after spilling ramen while taking a bath, again. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2019 16:35 - United States

Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML

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By weezel - 31/8/2010 13:13 - South Africa

Today, I took pictures of myself and my girlfriend doing naughty things together on my camera. My mom later asked me if she could borrow the camera for the weekend. Without thinking, I gave her the camera. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2017 14:00 - United States

Conspiracy.

Today, immediately after placing my order and paying for my meal, the Chinese takeout place lost all power. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2013 17:01 - United States - Pulaski

Today, my husband and I were watching Jurassic Park. At the end of the movie, he commented on how amazed he was that they could "train those dinosaurs" to do exactly what they wanted them to do. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2019 02:00

Sex Ed has failed a lot of people

Today, a senior girl in my college-level biology course asked our professor what periods are like when you’re pregnant. FML

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By nobleach - 2/7/2009 14:05 - United States

Today, I decided I was going to bleach my bikini line, as I have not been able to shave there due to some ingrown hairs, and I also have to lifeguard every day. As it turns out, I'm allergic to the bleach. There is now an angry red, burning rash on my crotch that you can see around my swimsuit. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2012 13:55 - Sweden - Falk?ping

Today, I accidentally cut myself while slicing some sponge cake. My husband's first reaction was to ask if the cake had gotten bloody or not. FML

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By furbys69 - 31/5/2017 09:00 - United States - Kingsport

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get frisky when the Furby Party Rocker all the way across the room started going off on its own and completely killed the mood. I took the batteries out of the little bastard immediately, but the mood was lost. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, I got a haircut for the first time in almost a year. I thought it looked really nice and made me look good. On my way to CVS, I ran into one of my friends. He examined me and said, "You look... like a crack whore." FML

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By chessgeeksam - 14/3/2009 19:28 - United States

Today, I learned that the surprise party thrown for my girlfriend's 19th birthday was wonderful and she couldn't be happier. Except that I didn't show up. Apparently 40 people were invited but I wasn't one of them. We've been going out for three years. FML

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By bibi - 19/3/2012 23:43 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, I went to see a dinosaur exhibition with my mum. We walked around and saw a huge dinosaur, made of plastic and rubber. She was very disappointed, saying that she thought there would be real live dinosaurs for us to see. FML

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By pincushion - 31/12/2016 05:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a CT scan done with contrast. My tech seemed competent in his job so I wasn't nervous, until he tried to start my IV. It took him 3 attempts to get it right. Not only was I stuck 3 times, he also blew one of my veins. I now have severely bruised arms and what look like track marks. FML

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By dayum - 10/12/2009 21:03 - Mexico

Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He entered my restroom, and the moment he did it, I realized there was no toilet paper left. I felt too ashamed to interrupt his dump, so I waited for him to ask for paper, he never did and came out without socks. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2009 00:11 - Canada

Today, as I was walking towards my friends at the bus stop, a man came up to me and asked me out. This was the first time I'd be asked out in months. I accepted. When I reached my friends they looked at me then asked, "Why were you talking to that homeless guy?". FML

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By Anonymous - 24/6/2014 02:26 - United States - San Luis Rey

Today, while visiting family, we went to a restaurant to eat. Towards the end of the meal, I went to use the restroom. When I came back, everyone was gone. Everyone had actually gotten into their cars and left without me. I have no idea where I am and no one is answering their phone. FML

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By CzechMeOut - 4/8/2009 13:19 - United Kingdom

Today, while visiting family in the Czech Republic, I was told on two separate occasions that I looked like a Czech TV star. Flattered, I asked what the TV show was called. Turns out there's a Czech version of 'Ugly Betty'. FML

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By Jessie - 25/11/2011 06:13 - United States

Today, during my boyfriend's family reunion, I started my period but didn't have any tampons. I asked my boyfriend to ask his mom if she had any. I sat on the toilet waiting, then heard him loudly ask his whole family "Does anybody have a tampon my girlfriend can have?" FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2015 10:18 - United Kingdom - Southam

Today, I got called a "politically correct loser" by a woman at the supermarket, all because I said I didn't want to find out the gender of my baby until birth. FML

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By busted - 25/9/2009 20:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a club with my friends. I noticed the bouncer looked at me strangely. Then he erupts and screams, "you're the bitch who caused havoc and £255 damage to the cloakroom, pay up or I'll call the fuzz!" Little did I know my 15-year-old sister stole my ID last weekend. FML

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By Dry - 18/3/2017 16:00

Today, after moving into my new house, my partner's father came to give us his old sofa. Now, an hour before he has to leave, he's half-completed 3 DIY jobs we didn't want done in the first place, and smashed my water inlet pipe. I have no water and a destroyed kitchen. FML

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By Charles - 22/2/2009 15:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her first and last...with plenty of people in between. FML

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By WhatTheFuck - 30/7/2015 15:30 - United States - Bridgeview

Today, I had to listen to my grandma talk about how she's "allergic" to toilet paper, and how she lets nature "take care of it". FML

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By Anonymous - 23/3/2016 16:06 - United States - Bellevue

Today, an old guy with a cane got up in my face for "mocking" the way he walked. In retrospect, I guess it is pretty offensive for me to have had knee surgery and still be recovering from it. My apologies. FML

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By Arcam89 - 22/2/2016 22:37 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I'm a car salesman. I got told to cold call a list of previous customers, but I recognised the names as I phoned them all last week; I told the manager this. He slammed his fist on my desk and told me to stop lying and do as I was told. I got told to "fuck off" 27 times. FML

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By lowly worker - 8/4/2017 18:00

Today, I nearly lost a hand at work, because a supervisor decided to remove a 'useless' safety guard on a machine despite my warnings. He doesn't understand why I'm so upset with him. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 02:00 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

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By Hellish - 21/10/2016 04:11 - United States - Gurnee

Today, I started a new job that was highly recommended by a worker there. The same coworker that is now making my life a living hell. FML

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By lolmyfduplife - 24/12/2015 06:10

Today, I put my 5 month-old daughter in her swinging chair and walked into the kitchen to make her a bottle. When I came back, she was giggling because the dog was licking her face. It would have been cute, picture worthy even, if I actually had a dog. FML

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Top comments

By Jimboom | 11

#135986 - Thursday 23 April 2009 12:13

Wow. The Karaoke critics by you are a lot harsher than any karaoke bar I have ever been to.
Usually they just heckle you if your bad.

By The_Real_Peter | 1

#3533617 - Thursday 3 November 2011 1:21

Umm miss? I do not understand one word you just typed.

COMMENTS

By Jimboom | 11

#135986 - Thursday 23 April 2009 12:13

Wow. The Karaoke critics by you are a lot harsher than any karaoke bar I have ever been to.
Usually they just heckle you if your bad.

By Nadramia | 0

#135989 - Thursday 23 April 2009 12:15

yest you werent hurt enough to right this?? meh well tis life...

Reply

The_Real_Peter | 1

#3533617 - Thursday 3 November 2011 1:21

Umm miss? I do not understand one word you just typed.

By ScottyD620 | 0

#136006 - Thursday 23 April 2009 12:29

I've wished I could do that to people singing karaoke before. Esp songs like that.

By _7_Anonymous_7_ | 0

#136007 - Thursday 23 April 2009 12:29

I doubt you were assaulted because of your singing. But that is quite ironic.
You consider singing Karaoke a performance?

By Duckie101 | 0

#136010 - Thursday 23 April 2009 12:31

at least u have a fan base :D

By Eresbel | 0

#136034 - Thursday 23 April 2009 12:55

laissez-faire (with an "e") is most appropriately used for economics.

Reply

drummerforever | 0

#1505033 - Wednesday 6 October 2010 7:38

true. i just learned that and im in 9th grade lol

By asxp10 | 0

#136082 - Thursday 23 April 2009 13:41

Agree with #4. It's probably not your singing, just tough luck. Sorry :/ FYL.

By BerryRockstar | 9

#136083 - Thursday 23 April 2009 13:41

Karaoke rules.

By Dhamy | 0

#136093 - Thursday 23 April 2009 13:45

I agree with number 4.

But,yeah, that must have sucked.

By swanlee | 0

#136098 - Thursday 23 April 2009 13:48

That's what you get for taking this karaoke crap so seriously, your not a star, if you were you'd be rich.
Karaoke is for un talented drama queens that want attention.