Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I went on a date. As I hugged him, I felt tingles. As a big believer in clichés, I thought it was the tingles of falling in love. Turns out, it was my allergic reaction to his cologne. I now look like I burned my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML
Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sent a text to one of his "friends" saying, "I'm thinking of you." FML
Today, my extremely in-shape boyfriend told me he hasn't had a chance to work out lately. I jokingly poked him in the belly saying he's getting chunky and winked. He burst into tears. FML
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, while I was removing my makeup with my boyfriend watching, he mentioned that he used to think girls were prettier without makeup on, but he'd now changed his mind. FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
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Top comments
xXToxicPenguinXx 12
could be worse.. could hit him every time he touches you
ComoEsJuan 24
"Why did you break up with your boyfriend?" "He tickled me" seems legit.
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Comments (109)
CrikOgresmasher 19
that's a Tickle-Me-Elmo design I haven't heard
GoatInABag 14
Wow. That sucks.
spazz666 18
Gee, I wish there was a button for that...
PenguinBitch 44
This seems to be as lethal as the Tickle Belt used on the evil villain MAN RAY.
expertsmilee 26
TICKLING MY DNA!
Nickb55 16
It's not that bad, at least it's just tickling. There are way too many douchebags who hit their girlfriends too much instead of tickling them!
chosha_fml 27
#18 did you seriously just tell a woman 'at least he's not beating you'? So she should just be grateful and dismiss any other obnoxious behavior from him because he doesn't happen to beat her? FFS. (And yes, tickling her to the point where she flinches every time he touches her IS obnoxious.)
Nickb55 16
I didn't mean it like that, I'm saying she could have it a lot worse.
chosha_fml 27
#52 Or a lot better.
Setareh23 34
#52 I know you probably weren't spending too much time writing that comment so I'm trying not to be too harsh/picky (this is FML afterall, it's for fun) but think about it.... following your logic, I could tell a woman who's being beaten by her bf that "it could be worse, at least he hasn't killed you."
aruden 25
The exact same thing with me, but it's my girlfriend doing the tickling.
IloveToLaugh143 21
...for tickling her?
HilarityOfLife 8
But that sounds very sweet! It seems like he just wants to make you laugh. If you don't like it, just let him know.
speakersboom 19
My boyfriend knows that I am severely ticklish, and uses it to his advantage. If he wants something and I say no, or if I disagree with him, he'll keep tickling me until he gets his way.
BobRyder 24
So basically you have the battered wife reflex. That isn't good OP, hopefully no one notices and assumes the worst.
Marzell 12
I hate tickling with a passion... its like a mild form of rape... and you're forced to laugh about it ._. (Don't brigade me, I've been raped and the loss of control is a bit similar. especially if you ask them to stop and they don't. )
limealicious 15
I've have always thought the same.
its_my_TARDIS 6
So if you tickle your child, you're raping them? It's not the same at all.
hokie16 13
Except that a lot of kids actually like being tickled. Most kids will scream stop and then when you stop, tell you to do it again. Most adults don't find tickling fun anymore and when them say stop they really mean stop.
hokie16 13
*they
Marzell 12
If they say "no", "stop", "I don't like that"... Yes. If you do something against a person's will, that's wrong. You've taken control over another person's body. Children typically like tickling. That's fine. Go for it... But this is about respecting boundaries.
its_my_TARDIS 6
I couldn't really care twice if someone tickles me "against my will". There's one or two places I don't like being touched but I'm not going to get up and scream rape. I'm an adult, if I really wanted to stop them I could. It's called hitting them or breaking a finger. There is ABSOLUTELY no context to her story. She probably doesn't say a dang word to him about it and he thinks it's cute because boys are dumb [but I still love them] and he doesn't realize it peeves her. It's going overboard to call someone bloody touching you "rape" it might be them being a dillwad, but to claim it's a form of rape is like.. man I can't even come up with a good comparison without going overboard. If you call someone a rapist every time they do something you don't like "repeatedly" you're going to be the girl who cried wolf.
hokie16 13
Except that when you're tickled you actually fully lose control of your body. You can't always stop the person. You're rolling around practically spasming and if they don't stop after a short amount of time it begins to hurt and you can pee yourself. I don't think I need to include the details of rape to show how that's similar. There's a reason people in the medieval ages used to use tickle torture... It's torture. I agree rape is more serious, mostly because most people stop before it gets to the hurting and peeing, but they actually have a lot in common when you compare them.
kittykat1501 31
exactly! like you say "stop" and they respond with "but you're laughing" grrr
rybaby23 8
I'm seriously so ticklish that if someone even brushes against me or reaches in my direction i flinch! Your not alone OP. It's the worst. And since everyone knows I'm so ticklish everyone tickles me >:/ lol