Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a date. As I hugged him, I felt tingles. As a big believer in clichés, I thought it was the tingles of falling in love. Turns out, it was my allergic reaction to his cologne. I now look like I burned my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML
Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sent a text to one of his "friends" saying, "I'm thinking of you." FML
Today, my extremely in-shape boyfriend told me he hasn't had a chance to work out lately. I jokingly poked him in the belly saying he's getting chunky and winked. He burst into tears. FML
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, while I was removing my makeup with my boyfriend watching, he mentioned that he used to think girls were prettier without makeup on, but he'd now changed his mind. FML
Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML
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Top comments
xXToxicPenguinXx 12
could be worse.. could hit him every time he touches you
ComoEsJuan 24
"Why did you break up with your boyfriend?" "He tickled me" seems legit.
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Comments (109)
oddities 20
#22, yes. It's foolproof logic. Disclaimer: Since sarcasm doesn't translate well, this is sarcasm.
nowimmad 8
My brother hits me so much, that every time someone tries to touch me in any way, I flinch and grab their arm. I feel your pain, OP.
sweetest_jenn 18
Time for some reverse-conditioning. Every time he tries to tickle you, backhand his crotch really hard. Soon enough you'll both flinch at the sight of each other lol.
Marielle_T 10
kind of an overreaction to the situation!
HaloeNae 15
I have this same reaction every time my boyfriend touches me or gets near me. He makes fun of how extremely jumpy I am not realizing he causes most of it lol
LegenHD 6
As soon as my girlfriend kinda moves a hand usually towards move and above my torso I think she might hit me and I start flinching too
Monika444 1
You need a new boyfriend. Stop waiting for a "good enough" reason to dump him. Just being "not that into him" is good enough. How can anyone be into a guy who obsessively tickles?
zandig95 6
I have the same problem.
amisenho 11
I've developed a similar condition from being at work. My boss yells at me any time I yawn while he happens to be in the same room. Now, whenever I'm hanging out with someone outside of work (even if I'm relaxing at home), I always hesitate to yawn and look around furtively to make sure that my boss isn't anywhere to be seen.
chrichards 2
If feel your pain. When I ask him to stop he pouts cuz I'm being a fun ruiner. Then he'll do it again an hour later.