Intimacy: Today, I propositioned my boyfriend of two years to have sex...

By Anonymous - 10/01/2010 15:10 - Canada

Today, I propositioned my boyfriend of two years to have sex with me in the shower to spice up our love life. He said that he was really busy. He was playing Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 858

You deserved it 6 021

Intimacy

You tried

Empathy lives

Slot machine addicts

By AmySweet - 18/08/2011 21:41 - United States

Today, my husband bought me a cinnamon roll because my blood sugar was dangerously low. My first bite was easily the most delicious thing I'd eaten since getting pregnant. As I sat in frosting coated ecstasy, my husband snatched up the rest of the pastry and finished it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 413

You deserved it 4 625

By prdept. - 09/03/2011 17:12 - France

Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy. It was going great until his 6-year-old brother walked in and screamed so loudly it brought both of his parents running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 102

You deserved it 20 435

By veiny - 21/04/2015 13:48 - United States - Kingsport

Today, my nurse girlfriend told me she's more attracted to the veins in my arm than any other part of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 558

You deserved it 3 763

By WTF?!?! - 09/09/2010 00:11 - United States

Today, I found out that I drunkenly texted my boss yesterday asking for nude pictures. He sent them. I'm afraid to go to work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 784

You deserved it 40 217

By noname - 07/01/2009 11:43 - France

Today, I received a really nice red satin set of underwear, with a bra, a thong and a corset... From my grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 572

You deserved it 2 273

By probablyfired - 25/07/2019 02:01

Today, I was running late for work. I was trying to find my car keys, then realized I'd left them in my boyfriend's car. My phone charger was locked in my car, and my phone was dead. I couldn’t get hold of my boss and explain what had happened. I’m fired, aren’t I? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 275

You deserved it 549

By thrifty gone wrong - 28/01/2013 17:24 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I received a birthday present from a friend. It was the very same gift I gave to her for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 964

You deserved it 4 320

By fuck - 02/06/2011 18:43 - United States

Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 038

You deserved it 5 928

Summertime sadness

By littl3storm - 09/06/2020 05:04

Today, as a treat to myself for completing my exams, I dyed my hair rainbow. In the process of dyeing my hair, I managed to roll over my foot, causing severe ligament damage in my foot and ankle. It's likely I'll end up with a cast. Goodbye summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 377

By pussy - 04/05/2009 14:46 - Italy

Today, I was talking to my boss about her children. She told me she didn’t want them to develop any problems by letting them sleep with the light on. I didn’t tell her last night I slept with the light on because I’m scared of ghosts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 313

You deserved it 44 764

By padre74 - 03/10/2016 17:31 - United States - Jackson

Today, after creating a swear jar for my son, I came back to find a $20 bill in it and him saying, "How much does that buy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 288

You deserved it 2 381

By Anonymous - 01/12/2010 19:35 - United States

Today, I felt like adding my real middle name to my facebook name to make it look more professional. It was denied because they didn't feel it was a legitimate request. Minutes later, someone with the name of "Galactic Toast" friend requested me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 717

You deserved it 3 875

How could you forget?

By James - 31/01/2021 11:01

Today, I realised that my birthday was yesterday. I was so busy with my painting work that I completely forgot. I realised when I got messages from friends in the USA, wishing me a happy birthday. Seriously timezones? FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 228

By randm1 - 02/12/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom and used the urinal. When I was done, I closed my zipper on my foreskin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 988

You deserved it 8 690

What's that?

By Best-stuf-on-Earth - 12/07/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 330

You deserved it 78 199

By Anon - 29/01/2019 02:00

Today, I was working on an art commission for some random kid's OC and I didn't notice that I made the nose look like a man's private parts. The mother was upset and spammed my mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 832

You deserved it 452

By worksucker - 05/07/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, 30 minutes before I was supposed to quit work at 6pm, my boss showed up. After telling him how the day went, he asked why I was still there. Apparently, for the holiday, we close early. 4 hours earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 506

You deserved it 7 465

By marcy_89 - 23/07/2019 16:01

Today, with 3 miles left of a 16-mile bike ride, I got a flat tire and had to push my bike back to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 455

You deserved it 197

By dirtytoes - 06/11/2015 14:27 - United States - Houston

Today, I found a diaper in the parking lot. It's been raining all morning. This was the wrong day to wear flip-flops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 248

You deserved it 3 993

By anonymous - 23/03/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend and she was making me listen to one of her recordings for chorus. As I was listening to it a solo came on, and i turned to her and said "This is the worst F*ing solo I've ever heard in my life." Little did I know, it was her solo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 854

You deserved it 86 269

Seeing is believing

By Anonymous - 05/10/2010 10:46 - Sweden

Today, while taking a shower, I thought that the bathroom was extra steamy because of all the hot water. It wasn't until two-three minutes later when I put some shampoo in my hair that I realized I had forgotten to take my glasses off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 406

You deserved it 39 404

By Casino - 02/04/2009 01:17 - United States

Today, I bitched out my grandmother, who lives with my family, for being lazy and laying in bed until 6-7pm for the past month. When I was done, she told me she had been diagnosed with cancer and was depressed because of it. Nobody had bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 308

You deserved it 100 788

By Clumsy76 - 20/04/2018 15:00

Today, I moved into a new downstairs flat. I promptly fell down said stairs. I have a broken pelvis now and can't walk or go down steps for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 618

You deserved it 323

Ouch

By lifesmells - 27/06/2009 00:29 - Canada

Today, I learned that when blender jars aren't locked, they fly off the blender, into the air, hit you in the head and explode all over your kitchen. Today, I also learned that after I'm attacked by a flying blender, the first thing my boyfriend asks is if I'm still gonna make him a smoothie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 766

You deserved it 13 077

Caught red-handed

By Anonymous - 30/11/2020 20:04

Today, my girlfriend and I got busted by the cops having sex in a dark parking lot near the beach. As if that wasn't bad enough, as I was trying to talk my way out of a ticket, one of the cops peeks into the car window and I hear my girlfriend awkwardly giggle and say, "Hi daddy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 575

You deserved it 645

By fuuuuck - 28/01/2010 00:27 - Canada

Today, I had a very important test. Last night, I'd had such bad leg pains that I couldn't sleep, so I took two very strong painkillers and went to sleep pain-free. I apparently accidentally overdosed, because when I woke up, I couldn't see properly or even stand up. And I missed my test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 987

You deserved it 8 687

By poppet2010 - 17/01/2010 15:58 - France

Today, my uncle died. It was also my grandpa's 85th birthday. His reaction to the death? "Best birthday gift ever!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 629

You deserved it 2 829

By D-Man - 08/02/2012 13:08 - United States

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend got engaged to a co-worker. I got her the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 211

You deserved it 4 103

Repair this

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 06:01

Today, at my appliance job, we received a used dryer that needed to be fixed. I took it in the back room to test it. I plugged it in and turned it on. It started to smell so bad that I went to shut it down, but before I did I see two used condoms fly out of the back vent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 45

By Anonymous - 14/09/2013 20:09 - United States - North Kingstown

Today, my psycho girlfriend tried to blackmail me into giving her money, threatening to show everyone the nude pictures I recently sent her. Except the pictures on her phone that she threatened me with weren't even of me. Nice to know I'm also being cheated on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 339

You deserved it 5 043

By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 00:18 - Canada - Maple

Today, I found out that my best friend's psycho ex-girlfriend has been stalking me on social media for the past few months, when she contacted me asking why I was holding hands with him in a picture from over two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 305

You deserved it 1 340

By Matt - 20/03/2011 05:08 - United States

Today, I was late for the bus. I chased after it for 3 blocks until I realized that the bus driver was laughing at me trying to catch her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 331

You deserved it 8 517

By ForeverEmbarrassed - 13/08/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I was at a clothing store. I tried on a dress, but decided it was too much for me. Taking it off, I realize my hair was tangled in the big security button. The employees had to bring me to the front of the store, lay me on the counter, and take the button out in front of a laughing crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 597

You deserved it 4 348

By Anonymous - 27/10/2012 19:28 - Germany - Nuremberg

Today, I saw a folder on my son's PC named "PussyPictures". I sat him down for a talk, only to be told they contained pictures of the James Bond character Pussy Galore, for his essay about sexism in movies. He's now mocking me for "having a dirty mind". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 541

You deserved it 38 414

By happiestturtle - 08/06/2016 15:21 - United States - Chicago

Today, my mom thought the best way to stop me from taking people to my room was by changing my wallpaper into a nursery-themed one. Now I get to see bunnies, letter blocks and teddy bears all day long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 924

You deserved it 1 622

By blueglover - 27/03/2012 07:40 - United States - Perris

Today, I made a new friend. He seemed pretty cool, until we came to the topic of religion and the ancient alien theory. I'm seemingly now friends with a guy who thinks alien Jesus raped an Earth woman, and we're the resulting cross-breed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 881

You deserved it 3 675

By kelly - 21/03/2011 07:07 - Estonia

Today, I called my mom to tell her that I'm coming over for a visit. She answered: 'Why? What do you need? Food? Money? I'm not going to help you! You're a grown woman!' And she hung up. I just found out that I'm pregnant and she was the first person I wanted to share it with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 186

You deserved it 4 762

By walllflower - 08/02/2015 19:46 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I went paintballing with my siblings. Once we were done, they realised I hadn't been shot at all. They cornered me in the forest and lit me up. I have welts all over my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 953

You deserved it 4 355

By anonymous - 05/05/2015 05:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was talking to a cute guy at my house party and had to fart. Luckily, it was silent. Unluckily, he smelled it, thought my house had a gas leak, and ran to the basement to check the pipes and ensure our safety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 500

You deserved it 6 289

By DramaQueen - 19/07/2009 06:45 - Canada

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. As I left his house and began to drive away, I see him chasing after my car barefoot. I stop and roll down the window, ready to listen to the speech he has prepared to win me over with. He takes a moment to catch his breath and says "I want my cellphone back". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 801

You deserved it 62 657

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Top comments

chaos753159 4

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Sunday 10 January 2010 20:25

u rely need to try COD

amberbby69 6

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Sunday 10 January 2010 20:23

Slimy? What kind of showers do you take? Lol

me199 0

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Sunday 10 January 2010 20:15

first

Secret_Fire_King 0

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Saturday 16 January 2010 6:38

hahahaha.. Girls think that they control the sex life.. but, in actual fact.. Control of Duty does..

keefer 0

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Thursday 13 May 2010 7:33

iwas it mw2 if so couldn't you wait? he could have been In a party with his friends or been going fr a new killsstreak

bamskey 0

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 5:42

that is a very busy thing to do.... I mean when your on a 20 kill streak u have no time to fuck in the shower

firstdbzmaker 15

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Thursday 2 September 2010 8:30

164 is right it's dangerous to bother people playing call of duty

pwincessa23 1

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Saturday 4 September 2010 7:53

dump his ass!!! video games r stupid. fkn nukes & playing domination in a party is gay. my bf is playing mw2 right this moment

kaprookie 3

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Sunday 24 October 2010 9:39

pwincessa23 do us a favor and be quiet, CoD trumps almost anything im joking of course because I'd rather have sex then play CoD except if I was on a massive kilstreak or in a party as stated, Don't dump him OP I can guarantee if you dump him and get another bf he will play CoD heaps aswell so just get used to it

pwetzel 0

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Sunday 10 January 2010 20:16

first! and, FYL

CrazierSeb09 0

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Wednesday 17 March 2010 0:36

uhm... fail

T_McGee 0

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Sunday 10 January 2010 20:17

Maybe the idea of screwing a slimy wet person wasn't as attractive to him as it was to you. ;)

amberbby69 6

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Sunday 10 January 2010 20:23

Slimy? What kind of showers do you take? Lol

Star928 7

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Friday 27 July 2012 20:57

You know, the nickelodeon green slime ones.

1800getalife 0

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Sunday 10 January 2010 20:18

notice ur not first and Im first for 2 fmls in a row

HarperGirl 4

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Wednesday 13 January 2010 15:54

you are totally ridiculous and have no right to criticize other people when you are no better than them nobody else i see is going around and rudely criticizing people on here like you do