Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my cat got his head stuck in the handle of a plastic bag while snooping. Unfortunately, it was the bag I use to put his turds in after scooping them from the litter tray. With the bag trapped around his neck, he got spooked, then ran around the house, spreading turds from the bag as he fled. FML
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
Today, our rodent problem was taken care of. I discovered this when my cat projectile-vomited a soggy, death-scented wad of dark fur and tiny organs onto the couch. FML
Today, my cat wouldn't stop attacking the strings on my pants, and I couldn't get him to stop. However, he did finally stop when he missed the strings and grabbed me by the dick, because I accidentally kicked him across the room when he did. FML
Today, I came home to find that my sweet kitten had gotten out and dragged a bird inside, where he ripped it to shreds. I found the bird's head in my underwear drawer. FML
Today, I realized I'm missing my diamond earrings. After ripping apart the vacuum bag and exhausting all other options I'm pretty sure my new cat ate them. I'm going to go sift through several days worth of cat shit now. FML
Today, I watched as my poor old cat dragged his ass across our living room carpet, leaving an equally long shit stain on our pristine carpet. My pleas for him to stop only made his diarrhea worse as he ran off. FML
Today, I was spinning some yarn around to make my new cat run in circles. After about 10 seconds, he stopped going in circles and went straight ahead, happily running several feet into the wall and knocking himself out. My bowel movements have more brain-power than this thing. FML
Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML
Today, my cat had a long dingleberry hanging off his butt. He decided the best way to get rid of it was to freak out and run around the house, shaking shit everywhere. To make it worse, he then licked his still shit covered butt, made a face and promptly threw up. Guess my cat isn’t the brightest. FML
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Top comments
ChasinParkedCars 0
Nothing like pleasuring your pussy.
redbluegreen 40
What is it with animals, their rectums and this site? Time to break out the awkward turtle.
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Comments (208)
CFR 0
Lmao my older sister had to do that with her cat. It was just carpet string though. He didn't purr...In fact he was quite traumatised by it and hasn't eaten anything like that since...
awuh_man 0
how do you even let your cat eat that? you so deserve it.
junomcguff_fml 0
Congratulations, my friend, you've just pleasured a cat.
chelseadaggers 0
That happened in Karl Pilkington's Book =] except it was a rubber band =]
idratherbinsh 0
"Animal behaviorists believe that when cats purr under stressful circumstances, they are reassuring or comforting themselves, much as humans may sing to themselves or hum when they are nervous. Frightened cats may purr to communicate submissiveness or non-aggressive intentions." just fyi. purring doesn't always indicate happiness or pleasure.
bonehead800 0
Not a good idea to pull it out yourself like that. It can lacerate and make quite a mess of the intestines if it's caught somewhere in there and knotted up. Next time (or if this happens to anyone else) just take it to the vet to be safe. -veterinarian
ChurchofFagenism 0
dude, you gave actual advice, kudos. I just lol'd
paintedbythesky 0
Happened to someone I know with Easter grass....haha
oldskoolman85 0
Did you cuddle afterward?
MrJentipede 2
Feels good, man.
ChurchofFagenism 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh my god this comment cracked me lol!!!