Today, I learned that some days you win, and some days you clean...

By Stinky - United States - Roanoke

Today, I learned that some days you win, and some days you clean up skunk carcass with a snow shovel in the rain in formerly waterproof boots. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3993

You deserved it

286

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Family values

Live dumping

Free carer

By HSampsON - Niger - Niamey

Today, in revenge for me pulling the old salt-in-the-soda prank on him, my dad showed up at my college dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt, demanding that I come home early with him. I think I'm going to be lynched next time I go to class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40990

You deserved it

13731

Favorite

By akosirm - Philippines

Today, I was going to a big concert at my university. I paid around a hundred twenty bucks for my ticket. Outside the venue, people were handing out the tickets. For free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34229

You deserved it

13411

Favorite

By poopybed - United States

Today, I found out that my dog is so lazy, she doesn't even get out of my bed in the morning to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36611

You deserved it

6903

Favorite

By Eyesore - United States

Today, I was walking back to my home in the city in the dark. I'm paranoid, so when I saw movement behind me I clutched my mace. The faster I walked, the closer the person seemed to be. I spun around and sprayed my attacker with mace. It was my shadow and the wind blew the mace back into eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30123

You deserved it

86428

Favorite

By 3rd wheel, 2nd dick

Today, my best friend asked if I'd join him and his girlfriend for a 3-way. Since I've always had a crush on his girlfriend, I eagerly agreed. When I got there, I learned that their idea of a 3-way was them watching me jerk off while I watched them have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4348

You deserved it

2511

Favorite

By Furry - United Kingdom

Today, I looked outside with a grimace at the very heavy rainfall through which I had to trudge a long way. I waited ten minutes for it to let up, only to find it was getting heavier. So, I started walking anyway. After getting soaked to the bone, I walked through my door, and it stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29206

You deserved it

3418

Favorite

By /(•'_'•)\ - United States - Ballwin

Today, while working at Subway, I was about to take a guy's order. He quickly held up a hand and asked for someone else to make his sub, because he doesn't like "ugly people" touching his food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56740

You deserved it

3813

Favorite

By adad - France

Today, I was walking by a pond when I saw a small frog. I decided to catch it to get a close look. After I picked it up, I realized that it was not a frog. It was dog shit shaped like a frog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13780

You deserved it

37910

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Ozark

Today, I confessed to my girlfriend that I cheated on her. She told me that she needed time to think, and left. An hour later, her dad came by with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29173

You deserved it

146507

Favorite

By anon - Canada - Calgary

Today, my stepmom asked me to bake pies for a dinner party she was having. Since I love baking, I said yes. When I went to deliver the pies, I found out they were for a family dinner I wasn't invited to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26118

You deserved it

1514

Favorite

By Anonymous - Ghana

Today, I learned that because of my new medication, I can either avoid getting malaria, or have a male yeast infection. I'm stuck in Africa for the next two months, and have to sit down to pee because I don't want to irritate my penis by touching it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45512

You deserved it

3482

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at the end of a night of heavy drinking, I decided it was a good idea to go off into the park with a friend of mine. We ended up fooling around in the park, when a couple of kids stole our clothes. We had to walk back to town with no clothes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15478

You deserved it

74018

Favorite

By slipperyhands - United States

Today, on my wedding day, when they said "you may kiss the bride", I swung my wife over in the romantic fashion and went in for the kiss. Unfortunately my hands were sweaty as I was nervous and she slipped under my grip. She fell and was knocked unconscious in front of hundreds of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52876

You deserved it

19673

Favorite

By JulesBlues

Today, I sat in my doctor's office and broke down, crying and shaking, with a blood pressure of 190, getting off my chest everything that has gone wrong in my life lately. To which the doctor, well into her sixties, replied, "My goodness, I've never met anyone with so many problems!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1784

You deserved it

203

Favorite

By alliobamy - United States

Today, I found an old friend of mine on Facebook. After adding her, I suggested friends for her. She ended up adding every single one I added, but not me. I later saw her ask one of those friends who the hell I was and how I knew all of them. We used to eat lunch together everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39921

You deserved it

3060

Favorite

By wordmalfunction - United Kingdom

Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23074

You deserved it

44678

Favorite

By hoser - Canada

Today, I went skiing. Trying to show off to some inexperienced skiers, I flew past them at my top speed, a bracket snapped off my boot and I slid on my face for about 30 metres. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8689

You deserved it

37013

Favorite

By bluewatersify - Australia

Today, I got a letter in the mail, my mother has applied for a reduction in her child support payments for my brother and I. She's paid $10 child support in 16 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35090

You deserved it

2207

Favorite

By fishyrael

What he is thinking?

Today, I was on a long road trip and I really had to pee. With no rest stop for miles and night having fallen, I decided to pull over on the side of the highway and pee in a fast food cup. A cop knocked on the window to see if everything was okay, while I was mid-squat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1727

You deserved it

268

Favorite

Today, I am now sleeping on the floor because my friend got super drunk at a small party then peed herself in her sleep. I was sleeping beside her and my clothes smell like pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2060

You deserved it

217

Favorite

By do you want a bag - Canada - Surrey

Today, after 3 weeks of my new job, I'm already having work-related dreams. I'm having troubles differentiating between the 8 hour shifts in real life and the 8 hour shifts in my dream. I'm doubly exhausted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11048

You deserved it

1029

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked for permission to marry the girl I love. Her father not only said no, he said "HELL no!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35313

You deserved it

4977

Favorite

By theamericandream - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer all the pictures from his old notebook. Seems like he forgot that when he went on vacation 2 months ago he took pictures of him getting it on with another guy. We've been together for 3 years and just moved in together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40257

You deserved it

2867

Favorite

By AML - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my 19-year-old, long-distance boyfriend told me he wouldn't be able to text me all day because it's too hard to type while in his Spider-Man suit. It's non-negotiable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40188

You deserved it

15279

Favorite

By bastard - United States

Today, I went to a nativity play. My husband showed up late and drunk, and I had to explain to him why booming "Yeah! Time to get baby Jesus up in this shit!" when our son was about to go on stage got us kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43250

You deserved it

4368

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were telling eachother secrets and I told him i've shaved my upper lip. He said "I know, it's prickly when we make out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

53672

You deserved it

27454

Favorite

By Chanman1924 - United States

Today, my friend put my phone number on Craigslist. I still can't find the ad, but obviously everyone else can because I still haven't stopped receiving naked pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37448

You deserved it

3733

Favorite

By ABBenzin - United States

Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41301

You deserved it

3764

Favorite

By SkottLong - United States - Logan

Today, I showed my father a nice sweatshirt online, hoping he would take the hint and get it for me. He did, three sizes larger than mine, for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30240

You deserved it

8328

Favorite

By Jillian Drute - United States

Today, my mom showed up completely hammered to a party I was throwing. The party was to celebrate the ten years that I've been sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36240

You deserved it

2867

Favorite

By jimboxo - United States

Today, my fiancée got out of the shower, completely shaved. I went over to her, wrapped her in a hug and asked her what the occasion was. She pulled away and said that she had a gyno appointment. My fiancée will clean up for the gyno, but not for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56542

You deserved it

10807

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I went with my boyfriend to the optometrist for him to buy contact lenses for the first time. He said the detail was much better than glasses. I excitedly asked him if he could see my freckles better now, and after a long and disappointed look at my face, he said "Nope, just more acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25510

You deserved it

3718

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my wife is still not pregnant, but her sister is after the threesome we all had a few months ago. The threesome was my wife's idea, but I suspect I am still a dead man when it comes to whose fault it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2560

You deserved it

4970

Favorite

By hitchhiked - United States

Today, I picked up a hitchhiker. He was well dressed, and seemed trustworthy. As soon as he got in, he pulled out a gun and stole my wallet and car. All of this occurred in front of a sign warning against picking up hitchhikers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12932

You deserved it

85787

Favorite

By salt. - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom". That's how he put it, anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34079

You deserved it

2587

Favorite

By Banana - Puerto Rico

Today, I was riding the train and someone farted. Everyone looked at me. People always blame farts on the fat guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33838

You deserved it

6872

Favorite

By spooked - Australia - Sydney

Today, after my shower, I went to clear off my fogged-up mirror. Doing so, I noticed a handprint on it. I compared it to my hand, but it was much too small. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40926

You deserved it

2741

Favorite

By storrent - United States - Houston

Today, I discovered that my band section had misspelled my name as "Joke" on our section poster. On purpose. It's supposed to be Jake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9513

You deserved it

794

Favorite

By Not Jewish - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were being driven home from our date by her mother. She's Jewish and I'm Catholic. Her mother was talking about how my girlfriend was going on a trip to Jerusalem that summer. She finished with "And you can find a nice Jewish boy while you're there." FML

I agree, your life sucks

60939

You deserved it

4968

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was offered a position as a trainer at a great company. My manager was livid when I told her. This is after she told me I was wasting my time trying to become a trainer and if I wanted to become one, I should apply elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2763

You deserved it

189

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Colon_Man | 17

#7448370 - Wednesday 3 May 2017 15:40

Hey! Free skunk!

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7448382 - Wednesday 3 May 2017 16:00

Did you raise a huge stink about it?

COMMENTS

By Cali | 54

#7448365 - Wednesday 3 May 2017 15:27

I once scooped up a raccoon carcass with a regular (dirt) shovel in the rain. It almost felt like a proper funeral.

fofopotato | 12

#7448397 - Wednesday 3 May 2017 16:33

Metal.

By Colon_Man | 17

#7448370 - Wednesday 3 May 2017 15:40

Hey! Free skunk!

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7448382 - Wednesday 3 May 2017 16:00

Did you raise a huge stink about it?

By RichardPencil | 28

#7448413 - Wednesday 3 May 2017 17:05

That sucks!
Aw, I'm sorry.
I hope you mean EX-skunk!
More like fuck the skunk's life.

Boom! There's the Grand Slam of FML comment clichés!