Kids: Today, I heard my son say, "I don't want any bacon with my eggs"....

because internet and it gives a kind of masculine identity to guys who need politically correct popular culture items to hang their hats on - BACON! MAN FOOD!.

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The Top

Today, I was driving to visit my parents for the first time in two years. After spending about $4000 to make sure my car wouldn't break down on the journey, around the halfway point, the front tire popped and the engine blew out. I'm about 5 states away from both my parents and my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 732

You deserved it 489

Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 183

You deserved it 47 587

The Top

Today, a kid in class dropped his paper on the floor. I held on to my desk with one hand and reached for the paper with my other hand. I lost balance and tilted both my chair and desk over, nailing the floor as everything on my desk hit the ground with me. He picked the paper up himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 355

You deserved it 5 667

Today, I realized this virus pandemic lockdown had no effect on my love life as I spent another free night cutting 1/4 inch thick calluses off my feet, as I have done before all this happened two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 630

You deserved it 155

Today, I was kicked in the crotch. The girl who did it thought I was her ex-boyfriend. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 376

You deserved it 4 434

Today, at the age of 23, I brought my boyfriend over to meet my parents. My father swabbed his mouth for DNA and fingerprinted him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 610

You deserved it 3 756

Today, I'm so out of shape that my arm ached after lifting chips out of a Lays bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 1 167

Today, I returned home to find that my boyfriend's dog had gotten into the garbage and ripped all my used pads to shreds. There's a trail of Always tatters leading to his dog bed, and blood everywhere. My blood. Oh God. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 661

You deserved it 3 601