Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML
Today, I wanted to take my girlfriend to a nice dinner before prom. Her parents followed her in, and joined us to "keep an eye on me." They interrupted all our conversations, ate an expensive meal, then got up and walked out when the waitress brought the $95 check, leaving me to pay for it. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend of nearly 2 years out to dinner so I could propose. When the waiter brought the check, I caused a bit of a scene to get everyone's attention. When I got on my knee and proposed, she said no and asked if I could hurry up and pay, because she was embarrassed. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for our anniversary. Mid-way through the meal, a guy at the table across left for the restroom. My girlfriend reached over and swiped the guy's wallet from the table. My gonads went AWOL, and I couldn't even bring myself to call her out on it. FML
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. As I went to shake her dad’s hand, my nervous, sweaty palm slipped right off and I ended up tapping him on the wrist. He gave me the most judgmental look while I awkwardly apologized and wiped my hand on my pants. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Dinner was going well until her dad secretly fed the asparagus to the dog under the table, and then "discovered" what a childish thing I had done. My girlfriend believed him. FML
Today, after finally getting a date with the girl I like, she invited her new boyfriend along as well. I ended up paying for their first date. FML
Today, I got a chance to have dinner and a movie with a girl I've liked for a while. I ran late, so in a hurry to make the movie, and trying to be smooth for her, I told the waiter I'd "take care of him" if he made it fast. He did. When he brought the check, I realized I had forgotten my wallet. FML
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Top comments
24788 7
Who put those condoms in my wallet?
imintheair 0
ydi, for not listening to your high school sex ed teacher when they told you that keeping condoms in your wallet can cause them to be exposed to higher temperatures and/or weird conditions that affect their effectiveness.
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Comments (140)
Drummer389000 0
put them in a safer place next time idiot. like in a credit car pocket in the BACK of your wallet... make sure it's covered and put something in there to make it so it won't fall out.
Grenades101 0
Only virgins put condoms in their wallets.
Djosef_fml 0
OP was obviously generously offering to pay the restaurent with sexual favors to the staff. One condom for the waitress, one for the cook, one extra as tips. Also, I just learned here that you are not supposed to keep condoms in your pocket/wallet because they can get damaged. Good to know, as I clearly remember a sex education teacher taking one out of his wallet as an example when telling us to make sure we have a condom at hand, just in case, to avoid deseases or unwaned pregnancy. Thanks guys. :-)
ncvolley123 8
y is that an fml? shouldn't they have known u guys were having s*x?
Loser128 0
Shit happens, im sorry op :(
jdawg2010 0
@116: yay! aids everywhereee!
mattscott 5
At least now they know you're not gonna get their daughter knocked up.
cunningchick 1
Slick. Very slick.
BenTaz 7
There's really no explanation that would drag you out of that bowl of shit. No matter what you say, a shitstorm awaits lol.
Comoke1024 19
I don't think you described this guy's situation without using "shit" enough. I'm going to need to hear it two or three more times.
Szaszaspasz 26
Hey they got a free meal and know you are a responsible person who takes precautions.