Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I accidentally stapled my finger to a piece of paper. It hurt, but I took it out and went to restaple it. I did it again. FML
Today, while joking with my coworkers about how I shouldn't be trusted with a stapler because I managed to accidentally staple my finger last week, I stapled another finger. FML
Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML
Today, I was clipping my nails. When I got to my toenail, the whole thing somehow ripped right out. I'm in agony. FML
Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby thing that really tickled my feet. When I couldn't take it any more, I accidentally kicked the lady who was doing my nails in the face. FML
Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML
Today, I was working at Staples and organizing some notebooks. All of a sudden, I jumped up because of a sharp pain in my back. A little girl had grabbed a stapler and stapled my back. FML
Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML
Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML
Today, I noticed one of my toenails was getting super long, so I cut it. In doing so, I accidentally ripped it off and it started bleeding. As I went to get something to stop it from bleeding, I got a huge splinter in my little toe, causing a painful infection. I think I should just go back to bed. FML
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Top comments
flamegrilled123 3
How could that possibly go wrong?
Greendaycheese 12
What a genius idea!
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Comments (185)
baked_goods 5
I was about to say how dismayed I am in my fellow man, but then I saw you were from Jersey. Your intelligence is about par for the course.
luvscomplic8ed 6
*facepalm*
MariaJ615 6
You're a dumbass
sup_life 0
Next time your face has a itch use a stapler
Bloodlvst 11
I can think of a hundred things I would've tried before caving in and resorting to a device that can drive sharp metal teeth into me.
zuzupetalsYO 11
Caving in lol
Fishfanatic 7
I strongly reccomend that anyone with an unbearable itch that won't go away do the following - Buy some cheap exfoliating gloves. The rough ones you can use in the bath. Put them on and dry rub/scratch the area. The rough gloves are HEAVEN on itches. I often get itchy legs at night ( no it's not bedbugs ) and this has helped enormously.
nickmatt 1
Atheletes foot
amandahope 5
i bet it stopped itching xD
livinginabook 24
Of course you just automatically think of a stapler...
SpaceCadet87 0
I have a feeling you are either really dumb, or are "enhancing the truth."