Intimacy: Today, I had a relaxing night watching movies with my room-mates....

By Hollywoodanonymous - 31/10/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, I had a relaxing night watching movies with my room-mates. Everyone but I had a girl over to lie with during the movie. The closest I got all night was the multiple times my room-mate's dog tried to mount me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 646

You deserved it 3 937

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Puppy Loverr - 25/08/2011 07:12 - Australia

Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 430

You deserved it 4 840

By GiveADogABone - 15/10/2015 22:47 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 041

You deserved it 3 511

By LegallyBored - 16/12/2016 21:00 - Canada - Regina

Today, my roommate went away for the weekend so she could hook up with a guy from Tinder that she's never met. This wouldn't be a problem if we hadn't already made plans for my 18th birthday, which is also today. Here's to a night of Netflix with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 983

You deserved it 675

Third wheel

By Anonymous - 19/04/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I was staying over at a friend's house for the weekend. Some girl he knows invited us over to watch a movie. She spent the whole time ignoring the movie and clinging to him, trying to get him to stay, and completely ignoring the fact that I was there and that he was basically my ride. I felt like walking home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 92

By Anonymous - 18/06/2011 15:43 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my friend and two pretty girls. During the movie, he made out with both of them, while I sat there awkwardly and watched the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 198

You deserved it 5 891

By girlllll - 01/06/2010 12:31 - Denmark

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents, who I haven't known very long. I ended up falling asleep. That doesn't sound so bad, until I woke my drooling self up by snoring extremely loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 318

You deserved it 5 799

Alexa, play "You'll Always Find Me In The Kitchen At Parties" by Jona Lewie

By Anonymous - 09/10/2009 18:48 - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I'd been talking to online and liked came to my house party with a bunch of mutual friends. He spent the night sitting in the corner on the sofa talking to my cat. I woke up later to see that not only had he crashed for the night, but he'd curled up in the dog basket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 671

You deserved it 9 286

By Anonymous - 12/08/2012 09:23 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 143

You deserved it 2 360

By Devin - 02/08/2009 06:11 - United States

Today, I went to see a movie with 4 friends. I didn't realize that I was the only one who didn't have a date. The theater row had just enough room for everyone but me, I got to sit in back of everyone else while they were making out in front of me for 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 190

You deserved it 5 959

Crazy nights

By Ugh... - 20/07/2010 08:15 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house. Expecting to get a little action, I was surprised to find that he had fallen asleep while I was showering. I spent my night watching television and browsing the internet while he snored. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 541

You deserved it 10 067

Godfreyy 2

Monday 31 October 2011 15:13

A jar of peanut butter and you could of had a fun night.

Poetaster 10

Monday 31 October 2011 15:16

Dog: ... Knew I should have brought the bitch from down the hall... This guy is never gonna put out- FML

Comments

torijeanne198705 4

Monday 31 October 2011 17:28

Giggity

KiddNYC1O 20

Monday 31 October 2011 17:38

So you bagged a bitch after all.

axemandackman 0

Monday 31 October 2011 18:24

I think the problem is that the bitches you're always searching for are the wrong species..

tedyesca 0

Monday 31 October 2011 18:56

forgot the me part?

Savra_fml 17

Monday 31 October 2011 19:23

Congrats to the FML mods for fixing the grammatical errors in real time and deleting any obsolete posts there after. However, as mentioned earlier, one more remains. Can you find it?

Ins0mau 20

Monday 31 October 2011 20:13

Yours? *YAWN*

Savra_fml 17

Monday 31 October 2011 20:26

Good one retard. Cracked me up! go to bed if you are sleepy Nearly forgot....LOL!!!

bubo_fml 10

Monday 31 October 2011 19:25

Dogs mount for dominance, not companionship. How does it feel admitting to the world that you are your roommate's dog's bitch?

Savra_fml 17

Monday 31 October 2011 20:30

Know this from experience? Next time bite the dog on the left ear, that shows them who is the boss!

HomeAl0ne 20

Monday 31 October 2011 22:18

Yes, you need to establish your position in the pack. Currently it seems you are in last place, probably due to your inability to either invite a girl over or lick your own balls.

badactor009 0

Tuesday 1 November 2011 0:09

I can lick my own balls. Never fails to impress.

loonaticaaron 6

Monday 31 October 2011 21:10

ill lie with you :D

TimysterGates 15

Monday 31 October 2011 21:17

Doggy style much?

FatMan23 10

Monday 31 October 2011 21:36

How come when I post stuff like this it always gets turned down? It's the ******* story of my life.

badactor009 0

Monday 31 October 2011 23:42

I would have turned that dog around and dry humped the crap out of him screaming "how do you like that, big boy?". Give the group something to talk about.