Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, suffering from severe morning sickness followed by cravings for salty food, I had stacked our fridge with yummy snacks. When finally emerging from our bathroom after retching this morning, I found out my husband had eaten all my snacks the night before. FML
Today, my very pregnant wife woke up in bed, grabbing her stomach and writhing in pain. Worried that the baby might be in distress, I asked her what was wrong. She gasped then let out what can only be described as a river of hot liquid shit all over herself and my legs. We both cried. FML
Today, I had horrible morning sickness, but being starving, I had some canned soup. My husband soon came into the room and commented on how the leeks in the soup looked like chunks of vomit. The visual caused me to vomit all over the table. FML
Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML
Today, my morning sickness was so bad that I threw up everywhere, just from thinking about the pretend meal that a kid had made for me. FML
Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML
Today, I found out that my wife is pregnant again. During her last two pregnancies, she craved pop-tarts and screamed bloody murder at the drop of a hat, so I went out and bought a box for her. Turns out that this time, pop-tarts make her want to puke. Cue screaming. FML
Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML
Today, I was having horrible morning sickness. I was violently throwing up, could hardly breathe, and was gasping for air between each round of puking. My husband, in the other room playing video games, snapped and shouted, "Why can't you just be quiet?!" FML
Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me, until I heard, "Honey, what did you make for dinner?" FML
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Top comments
saraitkddh 47
look at the bright side, you are not the one who is pregnant!
tony1891 22
out of all things to run out of. you run out of dog food. come on man.
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Comments (107)
alyssabreanne90 16
Coming from a woman who is almost finished with her second trimester: there is more crying to come. I cried last night because my heating pad wasn't warm enough on my back. And the day before I was furious and started cussing out everything in my bedroom because my last pair of work pants no longer fit. Hormones cause awful mood swings. Just hug her, tell her she's beautiful, and you love her more than anyone in the world. And if she has a favorite food, surprise her by bringing some home one day ;-)
angelofsaturn 23
Everything made me cry with my first pregnancy(in fairness to one instance i wanted ice cream and every shop was closed so it was an epic journey to find some) and i want to cut bitches with this pregnancy. Yay hormones. -_-
LadyNightowl 17
Just try to remember that it's not her fault she's crazy right now, it's the hormones. It's not fun for her either, btw.
cadillacgal79 32
Wait I'm pregnant? I haven't even had sex!
Ziggy122 15
Well, how do you think she got pregnant? Your fault.
SeriousJoker72 18
Congrats!
ohSNAPyall 27
Pickle mayonnaise? Buy her some ranch dressing.
arienthesun 3
she is literally bringing a new life into this world with her body and you're bitching about how inconvenient this is for you? come on man.
spicyclubsauce 13
Oh poor baby, I feel so bad for you....get over it. She's pregnant! What do you want her to do asshole?
TisAPenguin 16
One of the many reasons I don't want children. The 9-month process itself is undeniably miserable.