Today, it's my birthday. I am a triplet. In my first class, everyone... - FML

By Forgotten Birthday Girl

Today, it's my birthday. I am a triplet. In my first class, everyone sang happy birthday to my sister. Her friends got her balloons too. My other sister's friends got her flowers. Everyone forgot I was their sister and all of my own friends forgot that it was my birthday. FML

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There's no helping some people

Dog whisperer

Official meeting

By Julieworld - 24/4/2020 08:00

Recycling helps

Today, I was able to find the Facebook profile of my ex-boyfriend’s girlfriend, for whom he left me for. I had been curious about who she was, and when I zoomed in on her profile pic of them together, I noticed she was wearing the ring he'd got me for Christmas and that I'd given back to him. FML

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By bs_happens - United States

Today, I found out that a water pipe at my work had burst over the weekend. There is absolutely no water in the building, including the bathrooms. It's a 9 hour day, and I took a laxative this morning before I came in. FML

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By Interview tragedy - United States

Today, I went in for an interview at my dream job. When I walked in, I got a dirty look from the front desk secretary. Turns out, the guy interviewing me was from a dating website I'm on. I'd rejected him and told him to get a life. FML

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By rummaging - United States - Bloomington

Today, my boyfriend found the box of photos I've been saving for my daughter. He was convinced I was pining over her father and emptied the box into the dumpster behind our apartment. I'm still not done digging through the garbage to find the photos from the day my daughter was born. FML

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By SteroidPenguin - United States - Clifton

Today, I told my dad that I broke up with my first serious girlfriend. He responded by blaring sad breakup songs as loud as he could throughout the house, just to see me "cry like a bitch". FML

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By MadMax - United States

Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML

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By mushroomless - United States - Thayne

Today, I got yelled at in a grocery store by a customer who recognized me from the pizza place where I work. Apparently, I forgot mushrooms on her pizza earlier this afternoon. I had the day off, but thanks for the verbal lashing, lady. FML

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By thinking of military school

Today, I drug tested my son for weed. He purposely filled the cup up to the top out of spite and I got piss all over my hands. Oh, and he failed. FML

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By Professor FacePalm - United Kingdom

Today, the police gave me a ticket for obstructing a loading bay as the vehicle "was not parked within the loading bay markings". I couldn't get the vehicle fully into the loading bay because there was a police vehicle in the way. FML

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By Poordaughter5 - Germany

Today, my parents watched a horror movie with some creepy child in it. Apparently, I sound just like that kid when I call for my mom, so now she doesn't want me to call her mom anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend called me as I was getting ready for bed and asked me to pick him up from the bar. Being a loving girlfriend I drive the 45 minutes; when I get there his friend informs me he left about 45 minutes ago. FML

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By unknown - United States

Today, I gave my little brother my iPhone so he could play a game. I soon forgot about it, and when I got it back two hours later, there was pudding and a couple of big cracks in it. FML

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By Anonymous - Barbados - Bridgetown

Today, my husband and I arrived in Barbados on vacation. We visited a club, and they had a selection of drinks with weird names. My husband ordered one called the Raging Bitch, flicked his finger towards me, and said to the barkeeper, "Might as well get something I'm used to." FML

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By Poor Student - Canada

Today, my mother "borrowed" money from my stash to help pay for her vacation to the Dominican Republic. The same trip I'm not allowed to go on. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Franklin

Today, at my minimum wage job, we received a half-way decomposed dog found in a lake. It was my job to tear open the bag and try to identify the breed and color. It would've been easier if the body wasn't crawling with maggots. FML

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By MemoKrosav - Mexico - Matamoros

Today, I had the most uncomfortable feeling in my socks, but I didn't care to check. It wasn't until I got home that I realized that the feeling was a small thin piece of glass that was slowly cutting away at the bottom of my foot. I still don't know how it got there. FML

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By jacked - United States

Today, my car got a flat tire. I jacked up my car, removed the flat and went to get my spare out of the trunk. Where my spare is supposed to be I found a note. It said "You're a bitch - John". John is my ex boyfriend. He borrowed my car the day we broke up, apparently he stole my spare tire too. FML

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By really - United States - Denver

Today, I realized my boyfriend's right hand gets more action in a week than I do in a month. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I learned my dog had eaten a roll of vet wrap, which is like a long strip of bandage. I learned this when she tried to pass it in the yard today, and could only do so with my help. It seemed to never end. FML

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By doubledown - United States

Today, I went to the bar I go to every week. My favorite bartender told me I owed $50 for a tab because the waiter screwed up and undercharged me. The tab was from when my friends bought me drinks to cheer me up because my girlfriend moved away. I ended up paying for my own drinks plus theirs. FML

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By life// - Canada - Fort Mcmurray

Today, I was walking my dog when he decided that he was too lazy to continue walking. It ended up with me looking like a crazy dog lady carrying my medium-sized dog home. FML

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By jackgrant - Iran Islamic Republic of

Today, I went to a concert. Being 6'5" was a great advantage because I could see the stage from wherever I was stood. On the downside, I was used by people as a meeting point. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my birthday. What did I get? A 12-hour work shift, after spending an almost sleepless night in a computer chair because my bed is infested with bed bugs. FML

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By Sloppy Cashmere - United States - Bemidji

Today, I visited a waterpark with friends. At one point, a woman floating near me suddenly says to me, "How are you doing, honey?" Instinctively, I replied, "I'm well". The woman gave me a strange look and I turned around to find she was talking to her child directly behind me. FML

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By Nojob - United States - Bronx

Today, on my way to my job interview, the man who was supposed to be interviewing me slammed into my car because he wasn’t paying attention. He fired me for raising his insurance premiums. I got fired before getting the job. FML

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By optimistic2628 - United States

Today, my twin boys who are 5 decided to teach each other how to fly off the shed out back. They are still in their pajamas. Batman's arm is broken and Spiderman has a slight concussion. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Derry

Today, on my first day of sailing practice, I managed to sit on a metal cleat. After being admitted to the ER, I was informed that I had two vaginal lacerations that needed surgery. The nurse tried to convince me it was my lucky day, because the hospital café was serving vanilla pudding. FML

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By Wellthen

Today, I was fired from my job. Not because I don't do a good job but because my boss didn't feel it was appropriate to have an affair with my wife and have to face me everyday. FML

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By etahrabayraa - 27/6/2020 08:08

Instadrama

Today, I was stalking a popular girl from my high school's account and my phone went bonkers. It looks like I liked and disliked the same video of hers over and over. I disabled my Instagram account. FML

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By Buggga - Australia

Today, I was instructed to shave my back in preperation for my first tattoo. I'm a girl. FML

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By jennavankirk - United States

Today, I lied to a group of 8 year olds about having a boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after months of trying, my wife of seven years told me she is finally pregnant. I'm going to be an uncle. FML

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By JT - Luxembourg

Today, after my sister's wedding, a bunch of people were dancing. I noticed my grandma sitting alone and looking sad. My grandpa died last month, so feeling bad for her, I asked if she'd like to dance with me. She seemed a lot happier, until I accidentally caused her to fall and break her arm. FML

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By - 23/2/2020 20:00

That's a mother

Today, my mom and I got into a fight about a topic we agreed on. Seems like we're destined to never get along. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Pewaukee

Today, a guy I have been crushing on since forever finally talked to me. Too bad it happened after an anxiety attack when he carried me from class to the nurse's. The first thing he said to me when I came to was, "You're heavier than you look." FML

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By fmfl - United States

Today, I found a gift card under my bed that I lost a few months ago for $400 to a store that went out of business last week. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Exton

Today, marks the fourth day in a row that I've worn the same outfit to prove to my parents that they pay me no attention. They still haven't noticed. FML

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By christous - France

Today, I should have given my first concert in front of a crowded audience. As we were about to go on stage my band decided to roll a joint outside. The cops just happened to pass by and now I'm on my own. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my landlord informed me that after 8 months, we are finally getting cable and internet in our house. I move out tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - India - Bangalore

Today, I was trying to work out, and couldn't even complete an exercise regime meant for 50-year-olds. I'm 24. FML

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Top comments

By Sheepiebeepie | 26

#7659979 - Wednesday 11 July 2018 21:27

Why didn’t your sisters say something?

By mcdlova | 11

#7652753 - Sunday 24 June 2018 21:27

Happy Belated Birthday OP! :)

COMMENTS

By mcdlova | 11

#7652753 - Sunday 24 June 2018 21:27

Happy Belated Birthday OP! :)

By 1gullible_bugger | 33

#7659967 - Wednesday 11 July 2018 21:07

Nice friends you've got there.

By 1gullible_bugger | 33

#7659968 - Wednesday 11 July 2018 21:07

Happy birthday, btw

By RichardPencil | 28

#7659970 - Wednesday 11 July 2018 21:10

Those imaginary friends aren’t real good about bringing tangible gifts.

On the plus side, an earlier story today reveals that they fuck real good. A happy birthday, indeed!

Reply

Haylyn | 7

#7663355 - Thursday 19 July 2018 5:09

Your comments are always hidden lol. Your not funny.

By Sheepiebeepie | 26

#7659979 - Wednesday 11 July 2018 21:27

Why didn’t your sisters say something?

Reply

indienerdgirl | 27

#7660037 - Wednesday 11 July 2018 23:53

I would assume that it's because sisters are mean to each other in a lot of families. It's especially worse when you're the same age or real close in age. They could've just been too caught up in their gifts from their friends as well. Who knows.

By real life problems | 26

#7660002 - Wednesday 11 July 2018 22:17

Take the hint, people don't like you as much as your sisters

By EggyDogger | 13

#7660005 - Wednesday 11 July 2018 22:35

May as well wish you a happy belated birthday

By DonKingSize | 9

#7660015 - Wednesday 11 July 2018 22:50

happy happy belated birthday to you. did your sisters also forgot your birthday? thinkingoutloud

By Ilmoran | 20

#7660075 - Thursday 12 July 2018 2:34

Plan ahead for next year: Impersonate your sisters and steal their gifts.

By Justin Parker | 7

#7660080 - Thursday 12 July 2018 4:00

I'm a triplet as well and sadly this is not uncommon. it was the same with my brothers and I when I was in school. happy birthday op.