By mn_shr - 26/10/2013 01:25 - Qatar - Doha
mn_shr tells us more.
Hello everyone, OP here. I feel like I need to clear something up, and that's living in the Middle East does not mean I am from the Middle East. I repeat, not from Qatar. Also, Muslim or otherwise, Arab girls have the complete freedom to refuse marriage as they see fit. Not that there aren't exceptions to that, but for the most part girls are far more autonomous nowadays. To whoever looked up stuff on the internet, I'd like to say for a fact that it is 100% untrue. To clear up my situation, I'd like to point out I'm a very ritualistic person and my birthday means a lot to me. Seeing as my mother and I have never gotten along, and frankly don't like each other very much, her way to sabotage my birthday was to bribe this Sir Asshole McLoser to marry me. I've made my disinterest very clear so for those rooting that I give it a shot, please don't. I'm turning 23 and I think I'm going to wait a few years before considering resorting to arranged courtships and the like. Thanks for whoever wished me a happy birthday! P.S. Mr. Bastard, I've always had a thing for your sense of humor, I'm sure we could make something work.
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#72 first religion was never specified despite the location. second no one ever said a prenup was actually going to happen because clearly she doesn't want to marry the guy. And third a prenup can include restrictions during marriage not just after its dissolved, therefore she could easily insist on a prenup stating this guy gets no access to the trust fund during the marriage either. Guaranteed he goes running for the hills.
Don't agree to it. Seriously, no one can force you into a wedding or marriage you don't want.
Well, I Googled marriage in Qatar, and while I couldn't find anything about forced marriage before I got bored and gave up, I did learn from the official US embassy site that it's illegal for a Muslim man to marry a Christian woman in Qatar, and that Christian marriages can only be performed by an organized internationally recognized Church, such as Catholic, Anglican, or Presbyterian. The Sharia court will only perform Muslim marriages. That gives me the impression that Qatar is not a very free or open society, so perhaps this may not be a simple matter of OP choosing whether or not to agree to the marriage. I'd really like to see OP or someone else from Qatar comment and make this whole thing clearer for us.
#43 from what I've learned growing up and being raised in a Muslim house hold. If the woman or man is forced into a marriage they don't want (Assuming OP is Muslim) the marriage won't be valid in the eyes of god. Both have to want to be married. Plus I'm sure if OP goes to the local police they'll help her. In fact they've helped other girls before too.
Well, 60, while I agree that there are many practices that must be frowned upon by most Muslims, that doesn't mean that they don't happen in some barbaric countries, such as stoning women to death for committing adultery. Now what I've read about marriage in Qatar makes me think that people there have less freedoms than we enjoy in the west, however, the fact that OP is female and has her own money also makes me think that it's not a nation that's run by savages. So I'm thinking perhaps she can't legally be forced into a marriage, but that maybe she'll face social disesteem for refusing her mother's arrangement? I'm just guessing based on impressions from other loosely related information, though, so it's hard to say.
This isn't the older days when you have to be forced to marry someone OP. Say no. We have rights for a reason. Good luck to you and I hope your mom will see why she's wrong.
Fortunately this isn't one of them, if the family follows the Muslim code, and not whatever gives them the best shot at controlling their children. From the fact the girl is as outspoken as she is, I'm going to assume this is one of those families. Same reason in a traditional Muslim family the woman cannot be made to spend any money she makes through her own job on anything other then herself, while the guy must support his entire family (himself, her, and the children) regardless of of his wife has a job or not. And for the record I am not Muslim, not even close.
32, you are wrong. Forced marriage isn't an Islamic code. As a Muslim woman myself my family has never tried to force me to get married to anyone I don't know. Also not allowed to spend her own money that she makes??? Lol what world are you on?! Sure I've been told I should consult my partner before making any major financial decisions but isn't that supposed to be something you SHOULD do anyways?? Lol the things you're speaking of aren't religious things. I know my belief. What you're speaking is more culture, how someone else was raised to believe, and just traditions. Just to be clear though, I don't support forced marriage in any religion or culture.
@58 You need to reread what I wrote, 59 Has understood my writings perfectly. I wrote that one; Islamic code does not force marriage. And two; the woman is not forced to pay a single penny of what she earns if it is through her own hand, and hers alone (i.e. if she runs a business or works at one, whatever she gets from that/ those job(s) are hers.) She does not have to spend it on the children, on her husband, or on her basic needs in life (say, food, clothing, and the house). Those are all the responsibilities her husband must undertake as it is his duty. Her husband has exactly zero say in how she is allowed to spend the money that she makes by herself. Is it nice if she asks his opinion? Yes. Is it the law? No. All Imams will agree with me that this is Muslim law. It is not culture, it is not tradition. This is the law for all true Muslims.
my friend lives in Dubai he's Muslim his father is trying to force him into arranged marriages because he wants a Muslim only family and the girls he is trying to force into his family has money. I think its forcing them because they want to honor their parents wishes but getting forced into a marriage your parents want is bad:/
Oh I see. that was my own mistake in not reading and understanding what you meant. I'm sorry #70. I've never heard of the woman not having to help her family out but I have heard the bit about the man being the full protector of the woman. The it's his job to provide, but to be clear most Muslim women I know help out anyways. Times these days are too hard for both parties to not work and help. It might have been different 2 generations or so ago but now it's changing.
Your mother can't just marry you off like that! It's unethical! It's immoral! It's just plain wrong to marry some stranger! You and your trust fund should marry me instead.
It's disgusting that there are still cultures where forced marriage is acceptible.
There are very few cultures that force marriage. If you live in America you only hear about girls being forced to marry their rapists or parents forcing their children to marry whether for money or power. But if you study the culture, men and women have always (except in certain or extreme cases) had the right to refuse the marriage. But also parents usually have the best interest at heart for their children so they usually go along with it out of respect for their parents, but that is clearly not the case with OP and her mother. It's actually quite fun to study other cultures and religions and unfortunately some of them have been corrupted or distorted by western culture.
"Usually" is the key word there. I've heard a few stories where wealthy parents won't allow their children to marry someone based on their low financial income or parents' income (in order to keep poor or powerless people out of the family). It happens, even in the U.S., but it's certainly not commonplace.