Today, I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked my mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I was eating an onion bagel and bit down on something hard. At first I thought was a really hard piece of onion. The "onion" turned out to be a tooth, and it wasn't one of mine. FML
Today, I bit into a burrito and felt something hard crunch. I spit it out and found a small tooth. It was mine. I'd managed to break my tooth on a burrito. I had to go to the dentist, and the hygienist giggled a bit too much about the reason why it was getting fixed. I now have a strong suspicion of burritos which will probably never go away. FML
Today, I went out to lunch on my break. When I got back to work, I noticed I had something in my teeth. After trying to get it out with my tongue, I finally went to my car for some floss. I ended up pulling a 4 inch pube out of my back teeth. It certainly wasn't mine. FML
Today, I accidentally bit so hard on my fork that I cracked my tooth. FML
Today, I went to the dentist. She put a spongy thing on my teeth and told me to bite. Her finger was there, so I was confused and… I accidentally bit her finger. FML
Today, I tried to open the door with my mouth because my hands were full. I chipped a tooth. FML
Today, I was making out with a girl who I've had a crush on for a while now. It was all going fine until one of my teeth decided to dislodge itself. She promptly spat out the tooth and left. FML
Today, I was running late for work, so I grabbed a cheap sandwich from a gas station. As I rushed to take a bite, I bit into something unexpectedly hard. I thought it was a tough bit of bacon, or some sort of nut, but realized it was a small plastic fork that had been helpfully hidden inside my sandwich. I'd already swallowed half of it. FML
Today, I was eating ice cream and struggling to chew a particularly hard chunk of chocolate. After finally breaking it into pieces, I spat it out because it tasted terrible. Then I discovered that I was missing my temporary crown. Now I have no upper molar. FML
Today, at my job serving, I went to clear the plates when a guy said, "Hold on a second." Thinking he wasn't quite finished, I went to put the plate back. He then reached into his mouth, pulled out a dark brown object and threw it on the plate. It was a rotten tooth. I almost puked. FML
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Top comments
everwaiting 0
Face it, darlin', you're stuck in an on-street production of Sweeney Todd and there's no way out...
Blue33_fml 0
omg ew...um where did you get the meat pie? Can't you complain and get your money back or press charges? FYL
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Comments (388)
xxxsomebodyshero 0
"Worst pies in London!"
Felonia 0
*another sweeney todd joke*
MsTs1 0
you should've choke with that tooth, making people around you panic and give you cPR and shit, and SUE. You get a couple of free thousand bucks
ploop_fml 0
SWEENEY TODD.
wordly 0
Next person to say Sweeney Todd loses an ovary. And I know all of you who said it have ovaries. And do not even recognize the name Sondheim.
rizout 0
Sue that ******* place
eightroses 0
lol @ all the sweeney todd comments :/ god that was so boring and at all the people who don't know what a meat pie is. they're so popular in australia even though i think they're gross D: anyway, fyl op! D: that's disgusting. i hope you complained and got you money back or something
pierrette_fml 0
#263, misogynist much? I know just as many sickly little male emo kids who think Tim Burton and his stars/fuckbuddies are as close to deities as this world will ever know as she-weeaboos.
pierrette_fml 0
Or possibly #264. My computer displays it as a different one every time I refresh. Apologies to whichever one of you doesn't hate ovaries.
laurisshnazzy 0
Hey vegetarians, no one cares. Besides, this could happen to you too. Ever seen the TV series "Threshold", where they find human teeth in salad? Muahaha.